Right So before I go on... I just want to let you know that I'm not exactly in denial again. It's just some days I feel like just going back into denial and shutting the closet the door as it were. Although I know this would be bad and probably a step back, I just get the feeling like I wanna go back into the closet. Other days I feel fine with it and then other days I feel like the above paragraph. Is this normal? I've only came out to two friends. Not my family yet as I have not found the confidence or the courage to do so yet.
That is completely normal during the coming out process. Coming out is scary. It gets less scary the more people you are out to, though. I think you should make better friends with your gay friend, and see if you can meet some of his other gay friends. That way you will have emotional support in your coming out process. They will provide this support without even making much effort, just by being friendly to you in a general way. You will get more accustomed to spending time with a group of people that know about your sexuality, and that will make it less disturbing to tell people. Your friend has been reaching out to you because he knows that you need contact with gay people. Ask him if you can hang out sometime. You said he lives nearby, right? Tell him there's a crazy lesbian on the Internet that says you need gay friends, and told you to ask him to hang out sometime. If you are worried he's going to think you're coming on to him, which he won't, just use the word "friend" a lot in your message.
:roflmao: Can I use you as my Crazy Lesbian Internet Adviser too? I kinda want to send that message to a couple of people. You really do have some great advice for people on here. Thanks (*hug*)
:roflmao: Made me laugh. I guess it's something to think about I guess. I'd just feel like I am intruding on him and his friend if I do besides were not like the best of buds. Just friends on facebook really
i understand how you feel. i kinda wanna join a club but if anyone finds out i'd be ostracized and thats something i cant deal with.
Even with great support of all my friends I still have had the same feelings, Gazza. Over time its diminishing but it still happens. We all fear the unknown but what i try to keep in mind is that being in the closet didn't give me any real comfort. It gave me years of doubt, isolation and depression. That's no place I want to return to.
I will feel better at times, thinking well i know now I'm not the only one and there is a name for it. Then I will after feeling better feel I don't need to feel like coming out or be so sure I am supposed to be a boy, it is like some veil of thought. Then it disappears and suddenly I feel awful, and afraid of what Im doing is maybe wrong. Then I feel pride when I see how far I've come in such a short coming out time and feel like saying outlod I am Queer too, Im a QUEER! All with joy, strangely, like I want to be Queer, and walk with others who are not obeying the norm. WTH!
Whenever things got tough, I couldn't wait to run back into the closet and hide out. However, this became a nasty cycle and it made me miserable. I was depressed constantly and I became physically sick. So, I had no choice, but to stop being afraid. I decided to throw away the key and since then I've never looked back. Having supportive people around you, more specifically people who are just like you, will help you cope with what you're going through. It's not easy, but take one day at a time
