So my whole life I kinda bottled and denied my attractions toward other guys and told myself, it's a phase, it will pass.... I'll get a GF one day. But no, I still have the attractions to guys and I'm just starting to recognize that I'm gay. And it's kinda overwhelming ! How exactly do I fully accept myself? what are the steps I should take? I just feel lonely and lost.... any help would be great
Best advice based on advice given to me too is this: Try the label on like a jacket. See yourself as gay for a day, two or more if you feel like it. See how that works for you. If you feel comfortable with it, you'll increase your own confidence level and you'll start accepting your gayness as a part of who you are I've been wearing my label proudly (though I'm not out to a lot of people) for quite a number of days now and it feels fabulous! Go on, try it and see for yourself how you feel
Hey Kyle. You're not alone, I'm going through what your going through right now. It feels like its never going to end... Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, hoping (with some excitement) that I'm miraculously attracted to girls, but after a moment, i'd feel disappointed, sometimes even suicidal, I'd lose hope in life. But I'm trying to get over that now, trying to accept who I am, trying to make peace with it, otherwise, I'm going to die being a horrible person, never having seen the bright side of life... Life is more than attractions, look beyond, smile... Better days are yet to come.. How is the society you're around? Are they accepting? Just be yourself.
I think self acceptance is a personal journey and different for every human being. I'd say it starts off, though, with you looking at yourself in the mirror and saying "I'm ok." Then it progresses to stop saying "I'm a homosexual who likes to draw, ride horses, lift weights, and read books..." to instead saying "I'm a human being, who likes to draw, ride horses, lift weights, read books, and love men." Homosexuality is just a facet of your life - another trait. I think, maybe, that will start you down the road toward acceptance.
Yeah, I know everyone would still love me when I come out to them. It's just that ever since I was like 13 I've kinda kept to myself and not really been open with anyone. I've always been attracted to guys but always denied it, bottled it, etc etc. So now that I'm starting to realize that I'm gay, I'm having a really hard time. So yeah..... :/
I would say the first step might be to just become more social with others. Certainly start slow - go out a bit more, try to make new friends, etc. What are you doing right now - work, school? Something else? Try to socialize more with the people around you, even family if that's who's there. Maybe just one night a week, or even one night a month, make it a goal to be out with people, whoever you like. Having people around you who you know will be accepting definitely helps, but sometimes it's still hard to come out or discuss things with them anyway. The more relationships you build beforehand, the easier that will be.
Hi, Kyle and welcome to EC! We seem to have a sudden influx of Northern Californians and as far as I'm concerned, being one myself, I think that's pretty cool So one of the biggest things that affects us as we start to process the idea that we might be gay is the shame associated with it. And the shame, in turn is a deep-seated fear of not belonging, being ridiculed or not accepted. We, as gay men and women, are stuck with that as we start coming out because society still sends us all sorts of messages, from the time we're little, that being gay is wrong. So even if our friends and parents say it's OK, we still have this deep message that it's wrong and shameful. Coming out means coming to terms with that shame. And the way we let go of shame is by bringing it to light. Talking about it. Sharing our fears and allowing ourselves to be seen. Being open allows us to be authentic, and being authentic allows us -- for the first time in our lives to feel like we really belong, instead of like we're "fitting in" to be like everyone else. Additionally, there are stages that nearly everyone goes through on the path to dealing with loss... in this case, the loss of our identity as "straight." The stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. It sounds like you're pretty much past the denial. The anger is typically like "Why me? Why am I stuck with this crap? Why can't I just be straight?" Bargaining is "Well, maybe I'm gay now, but maybe I can find the right girl and marry her and be happy." And the rest are self-explanatory. So what the others have said is right on the mark... talk about it... share your feelings... try and be social with others and let your real self be seen. I don't mean show up in pumps and a party dress... but be more open about the guys you find hot with the people you've already come out to, and slowly expand the circle of people who know. And... talk here about what's concerning or bothering you. This is a great community to share with, because there's such a vast range of ages, experiences, and viewpoints. Also, I and the rest of the advisor team are available to talk one-on-one with you if you should want to do that, sometimes it can be helpful to go back-and-forth about concerns and questions and feelings to help get clarification. I hope you'll stick around and join in the conversations!!
Kyle Chip is right "denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance" are all stages we all go through to lesser or greater extent depending on age, circumstances, history, environment when we decide to 'come out'. I am 48 and have only just 'come out' and can completely understand what you are going through. My advice to you is that you must 'go through it', because you are only 19 and even if it takes 1,2, 3 or more years to work through everything then you will still have your whole life in front of you to be content and accepting of your true self. Don't delay, don't waste time going around and around in circles inside your head. In the end the brilliant truth will out and then the world is your oyster. I wish I was as brave as you at 19! Go for it and good luck..
me similar. no bf, i turn them down, or panic. now i just looked on fb and a guy posted a pix of one hot blond babe...i noticed. i noticed she's hot. it makes me feel strange. i wanted to press the like button so bad. i am starting to recognize this is not just an illusion, it is now becoming very real. im gonna read the advice others give you. I'm thinking, breathe, and just let whatever is happening happen and stop fighting.
