I'm really sick of guys I hook up with wanting to be discreet. Not wanting to come to my house to hook-up because my roommates may be home and they don't want to be found out. I'm sorry, but you don't know my roommates so no damage would be done if they saw you. Plus one of them is a lesbian; all of my roommates have been debriefed on the "don't out people" policy. I find my sex life is sad and pathetic. The guys I hook up with are complete strangers, often turning out to have girlfriends, and never another queer guy that I have a genuine connection with. I have never been able to find one of the guys I WANT to hook up with at lgbtq clubs (still can't go to bars) because no one is my type (read: bro-like). I just really want to give up most of the time. I'm guessing that a lot of the guys I hook up with will come out in their late twenties/early to mid thirties and I don't want to wait that long for a guy I find attractive to be comfortable enough with who he is to be in a relationship with another man. I want to at least experience what my friends are experiencing with having actual relationships and not just one night stands. :lol: I mean, I've been out for three and a half years, took the brunt of people's homophobia in high school, started up a gsa and mentored younger lgbtq students at said high school, helped numerous friends in real life come out, been kicked out of my home by my parents, and I get nothing for that. At least nothing of real value. This has been a rant. Comment if you want. It's a free forum./
Easy say but just keep looking.It just might take you as long as it may take some of these guys to be comfortable with themselves to come out.It also may happen tomorrow.You seem to be a very strong person for the crap you've been through and the things you've accomplished.I believe your strong enough to look in different places for a guy and ask these guys if they are in a relationship and what they like so you won't feel like crap when after you hook up with them. Good luck
God, you have just described my worst nightmare. I had a thread a few days ago where I asked how long it took people to find someone they intended spending the rest of their life with. Looks like it takes an inordinate amount of time. It's kind of depressing.
I have to wonder why you're hooking up with them then. (Maybe I'm misinterpreting how you're using the expression 'hook up' because to me it means 'quickie' or 'one night stand'.) Maybe you're going at it wrong. Rather than hooking up with guys and hoping one of them is going to be relationship material, maybe you need to look for guys that are relationship material and after a coffee or dinner decide if they are 'hook up material'. If you're out and active in the community I would think that you could be fairly open and transparent about what you're looking for. If you're posting ads online to meet these guys, maybe you need to look elsewhere - sites that are more geared to relationships than hookups. I know I was extremely lucky to meet my husband as quickly as I did. But I am sure that there's someone out there for everyone - you just need to be looking in the right places and in the right ways.
I hook up with them because I have a really strong libido. And yes, hooking up does mean quickie or one night stand to me. I don't expect these guys to be relationship material, but out of all of the queer men I meet, they are the ones I am sexually attracted to. When I (and some of my closest lgbtq friends at university) were involved in our campus' pride organization, I tried to be open and transparent about what I'm looking for, but was told by the leaders of that organization that I only wanted that because of internalized homophobia and that I was straight-acting (a term that I never described myself with before because I think it's bull. Just cause strangers assume I like women doesn't mean that I'm acting like I'm straight. It just means that said strangers are prejudice). The funny thing is, I met this latest guy on a site that's meant for finding relationship (Plenty of Fish). I hadn't gotten laid since late April, so I jumped on the chance for some action. Come November, I'll have access to my last option for finding guys (nightclubs and bars). I just don't want to go to these places and find out that the guys there are either just like the ones I have met at the lgbtq organizations who think I'm just an act, or that they're like the guys I meet online who don't want people to know their sexual orientation and do pretend that they're straight around their friends (although what they're doing in a gay bar would be the biggest question on my mind). TwoMethod: I'm sorry that my post depressed you. My life experiences as a whole should be considered as a rarity. Most lgbtq people I know start dating someone a week or two into joining lgbtq organizations. ilayis: As much as you think from that post that I'm a strong person, I really am not. I'm a recovering self-harmer who has been clean for almost three months. Before the incidents that caused me to relapse, I was clean for over two years. I wasn't strong enough to stop myself from relapsing. I wasn't strong enough to get help when I needed it most. Maybe I've come off as stronger these past few months because I am taking control over my body and mental health, but I really don't see how I am truly strong if I acted so weak-willed. When I still act so weak-willed toward men. The times I have asked guys I meet online if they're in a relationship, they either lie and say no, think I'm asking them out and cut off contact, or tell me it's none of my business. (if I'm coming off as whiny, tell me)
