Need help socializing

I wanna know too buddy

 

I'm sure others will define it better than me, but I will do my best.

To speak to someone, you need to have in mind that the person will not necessarily hurt (emotionally/physically) you or anything, you need to lose that "fear", and just do it. My way is to make sure everything around me is appropriate to approach someone, the moment, even my breath, thats why I'm always discretely chewing a gum lol. I've heard many people comment about the usual mint breath I have, I like it and it helps me soialize, impressively. Why? It gives me more confidence whe talking to people. But now even when I am without a gum, its psychologically easier than before I used to chew a gum.

Its all about confidence I gess, in the end you get used to it. I was not so sociable, but I somehow self-taught myself to be lol.

Another good advice is like to pick stuff you and the other person have in common to talk about. Test the waters, indirectly/directly ask questions, give hints on what you like and see if you get any responses. I always go by music, games, movies, actors... that kind of stuff. In the end, when the conersation is flowing, everything just go on naturally, each subject relating to the previus and bringin up another. After the initial "icebreak", you see.

Im leaving for school right now lol, so yeah im out. Thatsall i could write right now. good luck!

 

I was very introverted before I got a retail job, so I sort of learned to talk to people that way. I know this isn't exactly an option for everyone.

My advice would be to practice talking with people you don't care about making a good impression on. I know it can be extremely nerve wracking to talk to a total stranger, but if it doesn't go well, so what? Most retail workers are trained to make conversation with customers. This used to make me extremely uncomfortable- I'd give short answers to try to get them to stop talking to me. But if you practice smiling, making eye contact, and chit chatting in those situations, it will come more naturally with people you actually want to talk to.

As Gleek said, when you're talking with someone you want to get to know better, music, movies, etc are great topics. Basically things that everyone has an opinion on, so it's likely that you'll find some common interests. And for me personally, talking about the things I'm interested in is a lot easier than talking about myself directly.

Hope that helps! >.<

 

I think there are two really big keys involved.

The first key is to understand that virtually everyone else has the same exact fear as you. Some may not be obvious about it, but the fear is still there.

The second is how you arrange the thoughts in your mind. If you go into the situation saying, "He's going to reject me! He's going to reject me!" to yourself... then it's going to impact how you are acting. Instead of setting the goal to be an external goal, you should set an internal goal. An example: "I want this guy to like me, he's insanely hot!" That's an external goal. You can't control whether or not he likes you - he may just be an asshole to everyone, or he may be a real sweetheart and be everything you could ever dream of in another guy. But the fact of the matter is, you have zero control over his reaction.

Instead of setting the goal to be something external that you have no control over, set the goal to be something like, "I want to speak to at least five new people at this party that I've never met before." Suddenly, this goal is achievable. It's an internalized goal - a goal that relies only to your actions and something you have complete control over.

Suddenly, your intention isn't to get a guy to like you, it's just to walk over and say, "Hey, my name is <Your Name>. Enjoying the party?" This is the hardest part, at least for me. It's getting enough confidence to break the ice - to be the first person to approach. But if your goal isn't to get him to like you, but instead just to walk over and say something, then you've accomplished that goal no matter the outcome. His reaction should be owned by him - not you. If he reacts negatively to you, it speaks about HIS character not yours.

Generally speaking, once you break the ice it becomes *SO* much easier.

You: "Hey, my name is John. Enjoying the party?"
Him: "It's alright, I guess."
You: "Did you come alone, or with friends?"
Him: "I came with a couple of friends, but they've gone off somewhere and left me here by myself."
You: "I totally know the feeling. Look over there. Those are my friends, Donna and Adam. They've gone off and abandoned me too."
Him: "Yeah, it sucks. I'm totally shy at places like this, I'm no good going around and meeting people."
You: "Me too. Mind if I sit here? We can be abandoned by our friends together."
Him: "Sure, go ahead. I hate being alone."

And from there things continue. And when you find a lull in the conversation, and don't know what else to say, ask a question. People generally like to talk about themselves, and love it when people ask them questions - not true for everyone, some questions might lead to sensitive topics, but if you keep it light and general most people will open right up. Example: "What school do you go too?" "What's it like there?" "Live far from here?" Etc. Etc. Generally more questions will pop up as he talks.

Also, the more you talk the less anxiety you'll feel.

The more you do it, the more confidence you'll feel in the future, because you have the experience of doing it in the past. It's just important to know that if you have a bad experience, to immediately - as quickly as you can - move to try and meet more people to counter your bad experience. Otherwise, you'll become anxious the next time you have to do it, worried that it'll be just like your bad experience. You know that's not true, logically, because not everyone is an asshole, but emotionally it can be a difficult hurtle to overcome.

And of course, you can always target the low hanging fruit. You're not the only person hanging out by himself at a party. Lots of other people do it too. Most of them, probably including you, feel left out. They desperately want someone to come over and talk to them because they - like you - are too shy to do it on their own. By going over there to talk to them, you're saving them the pain of having to be at a party all alone, and if they are rude or don't like you - that's their problem, not yours, simply walk away and find somebody else.

Hopefully this advice will come in handy.