Specifically, my uncle. I'm am out to no one except the people I meet at my LGBT group. I have no friends that I can count on for good advice and support, nor do I feel particularly close to them to feel that they are the first people to tell. I know telling him will still be difficult, for some reason, but at least I'd know I won't get a negative response or have to deal with stereotypes. Maybe he'd also give good support and advice. I feel apprehensive about it because I do not feel ready to tell my parents and feel bad about forcing my uncle to keep it to himself and not sharing it with my parents. I'd feel like I'm sneaking behind their back. Will he be hurt by my staying closeted in the near term? I'd also feel like I'd be hitting him with all my problems out of nowhere. I guess this leads to the question, is there really a certain "order" one should come out to friends, siblings parents and relatives? I'll give you some background. I usually see him only couple times a year at holidays or other family parties and alway enjoy talking to him. He's securely, confidently, and openly gay. I'm in my mid-twenties. I hope to see at a family gathering in a few weeks and either hope to get him aside and tell him then, or get some contact info to arrange another time to get together, I prefer the latter. I'm also looking for some insight into how he might feel about it. So anyone who's come out to gay relatives is invited to share and I'd be especially grateful to hear how aunts and uncles have felt or would feel about a niece or nephew's coming out to them.
If you guys are close and get along with well then i would say it wouldnt be a bad idea to come out to him. Like you said he could probably help because he has gone through all of that. I have an aunt who is gay but we arent that close so I dont see myself coming out to her in the near future. I feel like if I was your Uncle, I would think that it was really cool that you chose to come out to me because that means that you trust him, and you value his advice.
I agree the csocm, I would feel proud that my relative had enough trust in me that they chose me to come out to. He of all people should understand that you aren't ready to come out to your parents, and most likely will be more than happy to respect your wishes in that regard. I'm aunts that I'm 95% sure are lesbians (if not, they are bi), but I have yet to come out to either of them simply because the right opportunity hasn't arisen.
I'll come at this from the perspective of an uncle. I have two wonderful nephews who I love as if they were my own children. They're both young, but part of the reason I'm working so hard to come out is because of them. I know having a gay uncle increases the chances of having a gay nephew. Not by a lot, but the increased chance is there. If either of my nephews happen to be gay, I want to live as a role model for them, and be a source of comfort and support. Nothing would make me happier than if one of my nephews happened to be gay, and he felt comfortable coming to me first and talking to me. I'd want to share my experiences with him, and help him grow up in a manner that I simply couldn't because of where I lived and the time I grew up in. I don't know how close you are to your uncle. That will factor a lot in your decision. My suggestion is that when next you see him, get his contact information. Start building a relationship with him, and then when the time feels right come out. At the end of the day, even if you weren't gay, building a relationship with your family is important and a good thing. Coming out to him simply because he is gay is... well. It's not going to be as helpful as you might think if you don't have him there to lean on. I think one of uncles is also gay, but unfortunately he's led a rather different life than me. As soon as he could he left where we both grew up for NYC. He's fallen into drugs, and has been in and out of jail. He's never officially come out to any of us, but everyone suspects that he is gay and is just in the closet. I'm pretty sure he's openly gay in NYC. I never had anyone to turn to when I was a kid, and that is part of the reason why I want to ensure that my nephews have at least one person they know they can always turn to when they need someone. So, my advice, no matter what you decide, is to build a relationship with your uncle. Then when you feel the time is right come out to him.
I think you got to the heart of my reluctance, Aldrick. We're close, but we're not that kind of close. It's unfortunate because part of accepting myself was triggered by a story he told that just made something "click" in my head about living as who I am. Another part is that I'm at the stage right where I really want a real-life connection to LGBT people. I have my group, but it only meets maybe twice a month and the connection are fleeting and over in a few hours. I just want something permanent and telling my uncle seemed like a easy way to connect. I know I should look at people as people but right now my world is divided between gay and straight. I know this will change eventually but it's where I am right now.
