so I've been with my girlfriend for 2 months...she's great, she is good around my kids, she treats me well, but I'm not feeling the same way about her and getting excited to call her or see her like I did in the beginning. She lives a distance away from me so the only time I can really see her is on the weekends. After spending a long weekend with her, it feels like I'm just not feeling the relationship anymore, especially since we hung out with some friends of mine, that I haven't seen in awhile, and when we left one of my friends told me that we need to hang out soon, and my gf turns around and told her the schedule of when she comes up. I have nice friends, but I felt like I'm not allowed to make plans with my friends unless she is around or somethingand just cause she has conversations with my friends, she says they have some connection. I've never really had a long relationship, I just came out a few years ago and have really only had 3 relationships with females, in which 1 of them I was cheated on and 1 of them is this one. I don't really know what to do, if I should stay with her and see if my feelings change, should I tell her how I feel, should I tell her I need a break to figure myself out, should I break up with her... I feel like I'm some young kid (no offence to the younger people out there) and I just don't know what to do. I haven't come out to my family so I can't get advice from them. I just need some advice to help guide me in some sort of direction cause I don't know what to think or do or if I'm just being selfish.
Hi there! I don't think you are being self-fish, and evaluating your relationship, where it was and where it is now, and your feelings associated with it is far from being self-fish. There are times where you have to ask these 'tough/difficult' questions and make sure that you are getting the things out of the relationship that you are looking for, need and want. You have pretty much already identified the problem in your relationship: One question to ask yourself would be: why is this the case? What is going on, or what is rather not going on, that allows or makes me feel this way? Another question to ask yourself is: Have I changed or has my girlfriend changed in the last couple of months to the degree that we are on different trajectories of what we want and need? As you have learned, feelings can change pretty quickly, and it is okay to talk with your girlfriend about your relationship, and ask her where does she think things stand. From what you have said, it sounds a bit as if your girlfriend is trying to let you know that "I'm here too, and need your attention," perhaps not in the best way, but that is something to talk with her about. It is alright to set a boundary, and let her know that you have friends with whom you want to spend time with as well, and that there is no need for her to announce her schedule to your friends and that you would appreciate it if she would respect your friendships. That said, I would also make sure to let her know, she in not competing for 'time with you' with your friends. Should you break-up with her? This is one question only you can find the answers to, and the answer will depend on the answers you get from asking yourself some of the tougher questions about your relationship. If you feel that there are things you can work on, and worth trying to sort out, I would give that a chance. If not, if you feel the relationship has gone as far as it could, talk with her, and let her know how you feel and why you feel this way. Hope this helps.
