What to do first? come out or find a boyfriend

If i were you I'd come out first, that way your odds of finding a boyfriend go way up because you have people you know who have people they know helping you. When I tell someone I'm gay usually the first thing they say is that they're gonna hook me up with someone because "We'd be cute together".

 

I agree, coming out first makes matters alot easier.

 

I have to agree with Pace and RG93. Coming out is always the better option. It gives you a whole new sense of confidence and pride and that makes you feel good enough to go out there and find the person you want. I came out first and I didn't even meet my first boyfriend until almost a year later.

Just a word to the wise; some of the gay clubs and bars are just as bad as straight ones. For every person who is looking to meet their Mr. Right, there are tons of dudes who just want to party it up and get laid. Tread carefully, my friend.

 

Coming out will make finding a boyfriend a lot easier. Having a boyfriend will only make coming out a smidgen easier. You'll save yourself way more effort by coming out first.

 

Just because everyone's been saying the opposite, I thought I would say that you don't necessarily need to come out fully before you start dating someone. In fact, I started dating a guy just as I came out to myself. As far as a support system, I suppose that he helped a little bit, but it was still hard to talk to family and friends - the same fears popped up as would happen if you weren't seeing anybody. So don't think that it will somehow make the experience magically easy.

That said, I think it helps to be on the same "out" level with your significant other - he was out to his parents and some friends, but not much more, and thought of himself more as bi than gay (something he later adjusted). It also helps to be planning on coming out as soon as possible. So I wouldn't recommend starting to date someone and then sitting in the closet for a long period of time (several months to a couple years), as this can put a lot of stress on a relationship - especially if your significant other is already out.

So I guess in the end, I'd recommend coming out first, but if someone comes along who's at the same level as you, don't reject them just to go "by the rules."

 

Work on both. Don't put either one off.

But if you want coming out support, you need gay and gay supporting friends, not a boyfriend, so much.

 

Come out first. It allows you to properly define yourself in an identity you will hopefully now feel comfortable expressing and other people will hopefully acknowledge that and also make finding partners easier and less complicated.

Doing it the other way round makes it a little bit more challenging. At least from the way I see it.

 

Some people don't find it necessarily to come out when they're not in a relationship & others can't just keep hiding it anymore even if they're single. So whatever you chose to do, coming out when single or in a relationship, it won't make much of a difference.

 

Coming out is not something you do all at once. It goes a little at a time.

Try to connect with the LGBT community in your area. Don't make your only connection to the community through clubs and bars--get involved in other kinds of social activities. Meet people. Make friends. Build support.

Concerning people you know, start with the people most likely to be supportive first. Then you will also have their support.

Only once you have support from these other sources should you come out to people close to you, and especially family, that might not be supportive.

 

I would suggest a third alternative: you need a "gay best friend", who will understand what you're going through and can support you whether it's problems with that new guy you started to date, or the relative or coworker who is not "accepting", or anything else.

 

I know coming out is giving you all these stress and nerves, and your desire of a lover; however, if you come out, it should release all those and all you have to worry about is look for that special someone with nothing to worry about.

Oppositely, if you happen to find an open gay/closeted gay who does become your boyfriend, I doubt the open one will be happy at all. It won't be a healthy relationship if you guys can't go out, holding hands, kissing, and etc.

So coming out first will provide so many things !

 

I was in this exact same situation and I think I actually started a thread of my own asking this very question. But I would come out first and then you might find a boyfriend. I think it would be pretty hard for closeted guy to find a guy since, your in the closet so your basically trying to hide your sexuality most of the time.

In terms of the coming out. I told one friend a few weeks ago on facebook and he was like "fine" and nothings changed. We're still friends if not better friends because I had told him something that was really difficult for me. I then told another friend which also went well, but I knew that because he was gay himself.

And now

Only just two days I told my family who were also accepting of me and now I feel a lot more better since I'm not hiding stuff and in turn has made me more confident. However, like you, I don;t do the whole online stuff or the bars/clubs thing but there are other ways to meet guys.

Oh and one other thing (*hug*)(*hug*)