Advice in the bedroom

First thing that comes to my mind is being a lot more...domineering. Make him suck your d**k more often, etc.

 

Help is here!

Firstly, I think it's important to note that you should not make him do anything. Even if you are dominating him, it must be consensual. Another thing to note is that he might be asking you to do this to make his desire to bottom stronger. I say this out of personal experience, because I've had to have similar treatment to make bottoming enjoyable for me in past relationships.

Next time you two agree to have sex, lay him down and strip him naked yourself, then lay atop him and frot, kiss, etc. aggressively. A few minutes of that should get you into the dominant mindset and make him very excited all at once. I doubt you'll need further instruction if you really let loose and indulge in the passion of it all. In case you can't, though, you should proceed by telling him, in a convincingly horny and dominant manner, to perform oral (along the lines of "suck my cock," with optional pejoratives if you're comfortable). Whatever you do, make sure you use dirty talk and that you keep a convincing tone of voice.

Of course, one very key thing is to ensure you ask him what he wants before you start having sex, so that you know what sort of boundaries exist prior to going into character, so to speak. There's nothing worse for the fantasy than asking "is this okay?" when you're supposed to be domineering, so clear that all up beforehand.

Hopefully this helps, but if not feel free to ask more, naturally. Good luck, have fun, be safe. :icon_wink

 

I think you'll get a lot of good advice, but I want to address something because there are actually two separate issues at play here.

First, your boyfriend is asking to be dominated. Which can be totally hot and a major turn on. But basically, he's asking for a little more spice in the bedroom.

Second, he's wanting to try to bottom for you. That's great as well.

But these two things - they are not the same. Way to many gay guys confuse these two things. It's because of sexism, patriarchy, and hetero-normative views of gay sex. That is to say, a man is "dominant" and a woman is "submissive", the bottom is therefore the "woman" and should also be submissive while the top is the "man" and should therefore be dominant.

Bullshit.

Now, I'm going to have to preface everything I'm about to say with this statement: I'm not a whore. However, suffice it to say that I've had sex enough times to know what I like, the way I like it, and what I want. I'm also not shy about making these things known.

I consider myself to be versatile, but most of the time I'm the bottom. Do I consider myself submissive? Absolutely not. I control how fast he fucks, the position he fucks me in, the way he fucks, when to start, when to stop, telling him what feels good and what doesn't. And if I'm really turned on - and this is sex and not making love (two things I consider to be separate), I can get a little aggressive.

Now, I know there may be some self-defined tops out there who are turned off by that, but that's too bad. When I bottom I don't consider myself the least bit submissive, in fact I feel more empowered and more in control. That's why I like it.

The point is, does he really want to bottom, or does he just want you to be more aggressive / dominant in bed? Is he confusing these two concepts?

I'm assuming you're both still having sex, and he's still topping. Get a little bossy during sex next time. Wrap your legs around him, and tell him to fuck you harder. Lift your hips and thrust your ass back at him. Grab the back of his head and pull him in toward you. If he resists pull his hair. Tell him you want to see his face as he fucks you. That's why missionary is my favorite position. I like to see a mans face, it tells me if he's enjoying it or not. Knowing that he is enjoying it turns me on - I hate doggy style for this reason unless a mirror is involved.

Something that could be totally hot is if you had a leather strap. If he doesn't do exactly what you want, the way you want it, you can punish him with that.

You can also try being on top, if you both have not tried that position before. If you have trouble being dominant as a bottom, that position might help you to feel as if you have more control.

You could also tie him up and use blindfolds. Sex isn't just about what happens to the body. That's only half of it - maybe even less. The larger part is the psychological aspect of sex. This is why he wants to be dominated. Being tied up creates a sense of vulnerability. Being blindfolded denies you access to one of your senses, forcing you to rely on others (mostly your sense of hearing and touch), and also creates a sense of vulnerability. If you want to strip away another sense, you can take away his hearing through the use of earbuds or headphones with music. Select the proper music selection to suit the mood you're trying to create.

When blindfolded and tied up, think of ways to manipulate his remaining senses to trick his mind and give him new pleasurable sensations. Things made of different textures rubbed on his body, making him guess what they are, playing with hot and cold items. All of this can spice things up.

Pretty much anywhere on the human body where you don't grow hair you're fairly sensitive to light touch and caresses. There are the obvious, such as the soles of your feet and your hands. But also the neck, the underside of the arm (palm side up), the inner thighs, nipples, etc. In short, explore his body. Find out where he is most sensitive, and don't be afraid to ignore his genitals. If you can find ways to REALLY turn him on aside from direct genital stimulation, then he'll be begging to fuck you - or to be fucked.

Now, obviously I have no idea how well endowed you are, but in my experience size has little to do with it. It's about relaxation, breathing, and proper preparation. My suggestion: Get a good type of lube, something that works well for both of you. When actually topping use a silicone lube. In my opinion those are better because they don't tend to dry out like water-based lubes. Nothing is worse than hitting a good rhythm, you're both into it.. and... suddenly you begin to feel friction. You realize the lube is drying and you have to tell him to add more. Fuck that. Get silicone lube.

Of course, you can't use silicone lube with silicone toys. (Don't forget that! You will ruin the toy!) You'll need a good water based lube for those, and don't go for some cheap shit either. You generally get what you pay for when it comes to lube. Shop around, see what works best for you both. People generally have different preferences when it comes to lube, and I think certain types of lube adsorbs into some peoples skin faster than others.

If he really feels the need for extensive preparation, then my recommendation is to purchase a number of different dildos of various sizes - focusing mostly on girth. Start him with the smallest, then when he gets accustomed to that, the next smallest, etc. Until he can comfortably take the largest. Once he is accustomed to that one, then you can fuck him. And he doesn't need weeks of preparation for this; he's ready right now, actually. It's entirely a mind-over-matter issue, not a my-ass-is-too-tight issue. Trust me when I say his sphincter can stretch to accommodate things much larger than your penis.

When topping him for the first time, you're going to want to listen to what he tells you. Go slow. Use plenty of lube, and of course do spend some time prepping him - the dildo suggestion above was meant to be done all at once. Not use one dildo, then wait a week until he's comfortable with another. No, once he's comfortable with one, immediately move to the next, then the next after that, etc. Until he's ready to take you.

It's important for him to be ready psychologically, though. So if he FEELS like he needs time to prepare, then give him that time. It's important for him to learn how to relax, though, and to breathe. Once he gets used to bottoming, he won't take much preparation, he'll be able to relax quickly and naturally... it's just something you've got to learn from experience.

Also, different positions may work for him better the first few times. My suggestion is to let him start out on top. If he feels like he has more control that may help him relax and keep him from tensing up. You can always change positions after he's grown accustomed and more comfortable.

Now, I have some final points that I want to make.

Final point number one is that there is more to sex than penetrative sex. This is another hetero-normative sexual quirk transported into gay sex. Among straight people, vaginal penetrative sex is viewed as the "real sex" because it's procreative. It's false for them, but it's doubly false for gays because you can't get pregnant. (I'm sure you've tried many times, but be sure to let us know when it finally happens. )

The basic thought is that anal sex among gay men is the equivalent of vaginal sex among straights. False. Anal sex is anal sex. This is the whole reason that the bottom is considered the "submissive" or "girl" in the relationship. As I said, though, that's utter bullshit. There ain't no girl in your bed, because if there were - you'd be straight (or bi), and not gay.

I mean, stop for a moment and think about lesbians. There obviously ain't no penis involved there, and I'm pretty sure lesbians will describe themselves as having sex. But for a lot of gay guys, I think the assumption is sex equals anal penetration. Complete and utter bull.

Sex for me is very broad. If we get off together - whether or not we actually touched each other - then that's sex. IMO. That's why I'd consider masturbating for / with other guys cheating in a relationship. At least under the general rules of cheating.

Both of you don't even have to orgasm to have sex. Just as an example, if he's fucking you (anal sex), ejaculates, and then gets up and leaves the room... obviously, you just had sex even if you didn't have an orgasm. The same is true if you had given him a hand job and he didn't reciprocate, or you had given him a blowjob, and you didn't get off as well.

The reason this is important to point out is because by broadening your view of what sex is - it opens up the door to new experiences and new things. Anal sex is great, don't get me wrong. I love it. But I also enjoy coming up with new and interesting ways to get a man off. For me, it's a turn on to have that type of control and power over another guy.

Final point number two goes back to something I said earlier. I drew a separation between making love and having sex. To me they are two separate things. Sex is about physical gratification; it's about lust. (And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.) Making love though, is about emotional gratification; it's about being intimate. The entire energy and mood is completely different. The two things, at least for me, are as different in my mind as night and day.

Final point number three, and this is where I'm going to end this insanely long post, is that you should explore your own fantasies and desires. Don't be afraid of what turns you on - embrace it. But also don't be afraid to vocalize what doesn't turn you on. If being dominant isn't something you want to do, if it's something that makes you feel uncomfortable, then you should speak up. You should never feel like you have to fulfill your boyfriends fantasies. It's always okay to say no, or to let him know it isn't working for you. The worst thing you can do is be silent. Communication is at the heart of every good relationship. If he truly loves and respects you, then he'll continue to love and respect you.

I hope some of this managed to help.