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Boifriend and Grad Party

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by roborama, Jun 12, 2012.

  1. roborama

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    So I just graduated high school and I'm in an amazing relationship with one of the very best people I've ever met. I really like him a ton and my graduation party is on Saturday. Well the thing is, while i am 100% okay with his gender identity, I am really worried about introducing him to my very traditional extended family. He is FTM and genderqueer (his gender is really complicated, I could make a whole thread on it but for these purposes he's male identified gender queer). But I also don't want to spend the day pretending we aren't together because he means the world to me and it's super important to me that he's there. And my extended family doesn't know I'm queer. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't pass as either genders on the binary which I love but it makes this a bit more complicated. I'm at a loss. :help:
     
  2. BudderMC

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    Well, if you're identifying as female and he's identifying (kind of?) as male, then I don't see why you'd appear as queer. That seems pretty traditional-straight-relationship to me.

    I guess you could ask him what he thinks. My first thought was just to see if he could identify as male for the day (since he does already?) just to simplify things, but he might not be comfortable with it. I know you say he doesn't really pass as either male or female, but if he's not visibly either then couldn't he just confirm when someone asks? From what I see, wouldn't that be the same as dating a non-masculine guy (to your parents, I mean)? And that seems like less of a lie then pretending you aren't together or not inviting him at all.

    I dunno, really. Sorry if that's not much help :/
     
  3. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Maybe you want to ask him what he is comfortable with you saying and what he thinks you should say. You don't want him to be uncomfortable.

    Otherwise maybe you could do as BudderMC says.

    At least at my grad party last weekend, I was running around seeing how everyone was doing, so I'd imagine that he would not be constantly there for you to introduce him to everyone anyway. I hardly even talked to most of my extended family.