we're you depressed when you were still in the closet?

Well before I came out to my mum and my friend I was diagnosed with clinical depression but after I did come out I have been happier but in my case, of course, my anxiety about starting my transition is adding to my depression. I think the fact that you have to hide who you are from everyone in your life would make anyone depressed, so you're not alone. (*hug*)

 

After I initially came out, things did get better, but I kept retreating back into the closet whenever things got tough. However, since I've become about 98% accepting of who I am, my depression is diminishing. Some days are great, but I still have my bad days; sometimes, I wish I could just be straight and like the guy who's hitting on me, but I cannot. Not only am I hurting myself, I'm hurting him, as well. I think you should at least talk to your girlfriend about how you feel. She needs to know the truth and remember, you don't have to have everything figured out now. Whatever you do, do not deny your feelings! This has been my biggest regret as I made things harder on myself. I often grieve over what I thought was suppose to be my heterosexual life, but I'm learning to accept that my life is meant to be the way it is now. I count my blessings everyday that I'm still alive because tomorrow is not guaranteed. By the way, I have kids...I tried to conform to society, but it didn't work and boy was I miserable! If anything, just be honest with yourself and the rest shall follow.

 

I know exactly how you feel, I'm still in the closet at the moment. Most people have got used to me being a zombie that's just getting through each day. I don't enjoy anything I do and I don't go out anywhere or talk to anyone. I'm really struggling with it and I know it'll get better when I come out but it's very difficult to accept who I am at the moment.

I think when you come out it'll get easier but it's the coming out that's the hardest part.

 

I would say I was pretty depressed while I was in my 'Asexual' Phase(Where I just denied myself any feelings for fear that i'd have to act on them at some point) this lasted several years where i would say I was never truly happy. After i came to terms with my sexuality my over all mood vastly improved. I started putting myself out there into situations that normally i would avoid and it let me discover what i was passionate about. Fast forward to today where I've been 'out to myself' for a little over three years and I'm doing wonderful. I'm a very passionate and vocal person with tonnes of confidence. Before i truly accepted myself I was incredibly meek and unsure. That's not to say that I have moments where I'm depressed but that's just because I'm working a job that is incredibly boring.

 

The depression I experienced before I accepted, or came out to, myself was far worse than the stress and complications I am experiencing now. Looking back on the past, I was just nothing. I wasn't straight I wasn't gay I just was nothing. I let good friendships fade away and was never outgoing. Now that I have embraced such an important part of myself I feel happier, more confident and just plain better; even when I'm not out. Yes, being closeted is still very difficult, but I will gladly take these difficulties over the ones I had before.

 

I feel like I'll always be depressed until I actually come out to my family. I spend my whole home life with them. To be at home and not feel comfortable in your own skin, to feel like your stepping on eggshells every time you speak, it's not healthy. Sure, I'm out to a couple friends, it's nice to have people to talk to when it comes to my sexuality. But my family? I'd LOVE to get hugged, and accepted by them. I just wish I'd grow some balls and do it. XD I do, however, plan to come out to them on the 4th of July. My favorite day of the year. ♥

 

Depression is part of the grieving process. You need to mourn the loss of the idea of yourself as a straight person. Once you have processed your grief, your depression will end, unless there are other reasons for it.

This means that you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings so that you can get through them.

This, too, shall pass. (*hug*)

 

Yes, right now I am depressed. I hate to say it but denial was better, my emotions were easier to handle. And truthfully I can't last this way much longer, everyone is starting to notice the depression. Something has got to give soon.

 

I was absolutely depressed before I came out. There was a part of my life I was hiding and it didn't feel right. Loads fell off my shoulders when I came out. I feel so free and happy now!

 

To be honest, the only reason why I came out was because I was depressed and I just couldn't take the crap anymore. I got tired of not having control over my own life and tried of feeling like I was living this fake life like you mentioned. It really was more out of necessity than anything else.

I did get a lot better when I came out, but it wasn't instantaneous. Its not like your whole life gets easier as soon as you come out. Its more like coming out is the begging of the race, but at least now you are running. At least now you know that a better something is out there for you.

I will admit that the first 3-4 months were hell after I came out, but it starts getting better with time.

I know its tough, but we are here for you for what its worth

 

Well, I'm still in the closet and depressed so... yes, to answer your question. I guess where all kinda in the same boat... and that boat is the Titanic.

 

I become depressed when it finally hit me that I am indeed gay....for about a month, I felt like a zombie..I told a few people, but it didn't seem to help.. I just couldn't cope and I kept making up bs reasons for why I wasn't gay and other things my attractions were a result of...I had to break up with my gf because I realized it just wasn't fair to her or me to stay in the relationship..... U need to take your time...Its a slow process to accept yourself, but it gets better each day.. a couple of ways I work on my depression are by journaling, using this site, and seeing a therapist. Talking about it is the best thing you can do!

 

I was evidently depressed when I was in the closet, not only depressed but socially unstable and many other problems. I became my real self after I came out, it was not only about sexuality, it ended up being much more than that. Freeing me from that "trapped" feeling every single minute of my days, after I came out things just became better. It would be even better if my parents were accepting and respectful to my sexual orientation, but I will fix that with time.

Nothing seems to make the decision of coming out entirely bad, the benefits it brought me are just too clear and intense. I don't have a single tear of regret... I just wasn't myself before all this, I am happy.

 

I've always been depressed and even though I'm still a quarter in the closet, I feel as if I will always be depressed. I've dealt with a best friend killing himself, rape, drugs and everything else in between. It's just a personality trait for me now. Who knows, maybe it'll go away once I tell my intermediate family.

 

Re: Were you depressed when you were still in the closet?

I'm still mostly in the closet but I'm not really depressed anymore. My depression was kinda linked to a whole lot of other things, it didn't really have anything to do with me being gay.

 

I was quite depressed before I had accepted myself. I spent so much time hiding everywhere I could. In bottles, in books, in video games. I did everything I could to shut reality out, because I couldnt accept it.

But, man, the more I accepted it, and the more I let my true self shine through, the better I felt. I had problems that seemed completely unfixable, and suddenly I was ready to tackle them head on and confront my demons. I still HAD demons. Coming out didnt make them go away. But they were so much easier to deal with once I stopped lying to myself and the world around me.

Best of luck and we are here for you!

 

That's the worst part for me. I have many good things going for me so there is no reason I should be depressed, yet I am most of the time. I think I used to be happy before I figured out that I'm gay 15 years ago. Then I tried ignoring it, kept busy at stuff I enjoyed and said my life is good enough and I shouldn't expect to get a guy. Eventually I didn't find interest in anything and everything was a chore. I came out to one friend who lives far away, but it hasn't reduced my depression. I don't anticipate anything changing anytime soon. Maybe you can muddle through the rest of your life too.

You're right, it's not cool to keep stringing your gf along so hopefully you can break up with her soon and stop pretending to be into women. You don't have to come out right now, but just stop faking interest in women. Sure you can agree that a woman is good looking, anyone can appreciate beauty in other humans.

Stay strong

 

i hate feelings. it is making me mess up, I'm not getting stuff done. this costs me money, and I'm pissed. i should be able to force myself to snap out of this selfishness and do what needs done, then i can wallow around in self pity...but get er done!

---------- Post added 14th Jun 2012 at 04:32 PM ----------

i just hate the timing. shit, i should have stayed in compete denial until next week and i would not have failed myself and not graduating is awful, everyone is but me. i want to kick something now.
hey, come here! you look like you need a kick!

 

Yep, I get really depressed. Only if my parents knew...