Since the middle of last month, I've been home, and I have about two more months until I go back to school. While I've enjoyed certain aspects of being home, I don't like that I've effectively gone back in the closet. At university, about 75% of the people I surrounded myself with knew I was gay, so when the conversations turned to girls or whatever, I could give candid input from the "other team's" perspective so to speak. I could casually mention any guys that had caught my attention. I didn't realize how much coming out had made me comfortable until I came home. Well only four of my friends from home (who are basically my best friends) know, and none of them are in town and won't be for awhile, so I've been socializing in different circles. I'm taking a summer class with a good friend from high school who goes to a different university, and I'm not out to him at all. It typically wouldn't be a problem, but I spend tons of time around him now. I sit next to him for 16 hours of class a week, I car pool, and I work out three times a week with him, not to mention we hang out some during the weekend also. I should clarify that I have no feelings for him whatsoever, but it does feel very strange to spend so much time with someone (with whom I have a ton of academic interests in common) and not be out to them. The conversation has turned to girls before, and though he's definitely straight, when conversations take that direction, I think he senses that it's not a favorite subject of mine so he doesn't really bring it up with me. I've also inadvertently left subtle hints about my orientation that I suspect he might have picked up. I would come out to him just to save myself some trouble, but there are hangups. He's super Catholic, and from what I can tell, fairly conservative also. He has a tendency to tell insensitive jokes, he can be pretty judgmental, and he's a bit of a blabber mouth with it comes to such judgments. He always falls completely silent whenever homosexuality has come up in group conversation, which is a little more ominous that overt homophobia because it might mean he doesn't even really like to recognize it. I literally have no idea how he would react. After this week, there are only about two more weeks in the summer class session, and after that, all time together will be occasionally hanging out. Should I even bother? Any tips on how to feel out his position better? It would be nice to have a good friend know, but at the same time, I'm wondering if it would be worth the risk.
I would tell him, honesty is never a bad idea, and if he does trip out, then its not the kind of friend you want, otherwise it will help your relationship to grow
Just because he's super Catholic and conservative doesn't mean he'll take it badly... I know you know that. I had a friend who was the same way and she could care less. I think the fact he tells insensitive jokes (just to be optimistic) doesn't mean anything bad either. Just if you come out you might need to put up with some, or identify for him that it's inappropriate. And I don't think him not speaking up necessarily means he doesn't recognize it... it might be a case of he's not comfortable with it (for whatever reason) and is opting to not comment, since he knows he might say something offensive. I dunno. Just a shred of optimism there. All in all, if it's not gonna make things terribly awkward, what have you got to lose? I know the feeling of being closeted back home but not at school, so I can relate... if I could (reasonably) change that, trust me, I would in a heartbeat. It'd be so worth it.
Omg I'm going through the same thing, I took a semester off from college this spring and I've needed to re-come out back in a much more conservative atmosphere. It's hard, to do but once you're okay with it, coming out to anyone important to you is important. If he takes it badly then he really didn't like the real you anyway
