So my foster mom is sick, and I text her and said "if you need anything just ask, I am great at taking care of people, but a sucky daughter according to my biological mom" She texted me and said: "you don't suck for a daughter you are just and inexperienced one. I didn't know how to respond. So I texted her: " I am not an inexperienced daughter. A daughter is on who helps out, cleans, cook, protects, honor, and helps to take care of her family. There is no such thing as an inexperienced daughter. I have not idea what what being a daughter, means to you. However my biological mother, knew as a child I was being raped, assaulted by her pastor, beat me until I had sores; bleeding, never showed up for a family visit, fogot about me. Currently she is sick, and not doing well, but I take care of her, and everytime she says something wrong, blames me for her life, I take care of her; willing to forgive her over and over. I take in a lot, and don't say much. I am not your biological daughter and son. We come from two different backgrounds, with different stories. But I know people who has given up on my bio. mom. Even in her wrong, I will still take care of her, and refuse to live a defeated life. I am the rock in family, I pay for my own college education, on the dean's list, soon will be attending law school. I am a experienced daugheter; what I did last week to take care of a mother who didn't take care of me, made me a better person, and a better daughter. If this is not what a daughter means, then what-ever!
Your foster mom meant what she said as a positive, not as a negative. She was trying to empathize and instead of just saying "No, you're not a sucky daughter" instead was saying, in essence, "You haven't had a great mom, so perhaps you haven't had the sort of experiences that other kids have had." It's very clear from your accomplishments that you're truly an extraordinary person, incredibly strong, and very kind. But I can understand why you might have misinterpreted what your foster mom said. However, I'm confident that her intent wasn't to devalue what you've done.
I disagree. I know her, she is ashamed of me. I sleep on the freaking floor in the office. They will go out to eat and wont ask if I'm interested. She wont let me get my license, but she will buy all new cars for her kids. She always says I don't act like a daughter. I do. There is no such thing as and inexperience daughter. I am who I am. I get tired of her comparing me to her children. Her daughter used to compare me living there with the dog. I don't see anything positive. Everyone always make excuses for her words. They hurt and she doesn't care. She'll make me walk home from work ar 1:45am instead of picking me up. I clean cook walk to dog and try. There is not much more for me to do, I act as a maid. Fuck being a daughter. I'm tired of trying to live up to this rich and ivy league family. She is not even proud that I attend a liberal arts college, she makes excuses. It makes me want to cut again. I see where you are coming from. I just see nothing positive.there is no handbook how to be a daughter. Like there is no handbook on how to be a mother. Or else I would tell my bio mom to read it. My God mom on the other hand tells me I'm a good person and takes a strong person to forgive and willing to help those who have hurt me the most. I don't have much and she keeps reminding of that everday; along with the fact that I'm removable.
To put it bluntly, to hell with them. You're clearly an amazing and caring person, you don't deserve to have people in your life just putting you down like that
When you say her kids, do you mean biological kids? I don't know what to say here. I initially agreed with what Chip thought, in that she was trying to be nice. After hearing this... even if she is "ashamed" of you, I still don't think she meant that text in a bad way. Sure, there might be some underlying tension, but I don't think if she meant it offensively she would've ended it with a smiley face. And despite what you think, "you don't suck for a daughter" is still a compliment, so I'd stop trying to look for hidden meanings and just accept it for what it is. If she didn't mean any part of it, she wouldn't have said it at all. I don't know the extent of the "maid" situation, but nearly every kid does chores too. A friend of mine works effectively full-time hours, and still does most of the cooking, cleaning, and other errands at home because she lives with her dad. And she pays rent too (though I think that's more because he's financially tight right now). If your god-mom means more to you, could you go live with her (if things are bad where you are)? She obviously sounds like she cares a lot. And don't forget, you're no longer a child; if you can't stand it where you are, you do have the option of moving out... it might not be ideal, but it could be better than your situation now. And as for the "I don't see anything positive" bit, keep reminding yourself of this: You clearly have your shit together, and despite what some people think you're a pretty damn good daughter. But what's more important is you sound like a damn good person. The quality of you being a daughter is relative to other people; the quality of you being a good person is relative to you. Remember that.
everyday, it's a reminder that I am removable. I stay on my "p's and q's" trying not to create drama, clean, cook, I buy my own food, I do my own laundry and others too. everyday almost they will go out to eat, and will never ask if i want to go. today they went out to a restaurant called "soup" left, came back and just sat at the table. they did not ask if i wanted to go, or if i was hungry. graduation night, they did the same thing. im left out of everything. i walk crazy distances to work, and food shop. im a reject in this house, and it hurts.
I think that, once you're out on your own, they need to know this. Tell them all that you've told us. You may get apologies, may not, but in the end I think that you'll feel better.
I do pray that maybe that will be true. I wish. I am starting to give up on my foster family. My mom can listen but will not see her fault. My dad is wonderful. IDK. I'm 20, trying to fit into a family is a little overrated. I guess I am one of those kids, that are just not meant for a family. Idk both are fucked up.
