So, I've been out as bi for the past few years, and eventually went into a relationship with a woman which was long distance... the thing is, I don't want to be in a relationship with a man anymore, nor do I think I would like a life partner be a man anymore. I much prefer women to men overall. I still find men occasionally sexually attractive though, and I know it would be possible for me to fall in love with one, but I don't think it's very likely and I wouldn't want that to happen, preferably. I'm not attracted to men nearly as much as I am attracted to women: I always thought there was something wrong with me when all these girls would drool over certain guys, and I couldn't feel a thing! However, it seems that when I masturbate, I think of men, and particular penetration with the penis, and it gets me off right away... whereas if I think about women while masturbating I sometimes get a bit bored, and have difficulty maintaining arousal and it can take me a long time to come, if at all. When I was in a relationship, all sexual acts had to be confined to long distance due to circumstance, and I didn't find it very satisfying and again, found it difficult to orgasm or maintain arousal. Sometimes I'd have to think of men in order to orgasm, even if my partner turned me on. But like I don't want those thoughts. I really would rather my thoughts of men go away, or at least be marginal. After all, I've never even been sexual with a man. I would rather have my more, ahem, explicit thoughts be on women. I don't want to be one of those bisexuals who is sexually attracted to one gender and emotionally attracted to another.... I would like to have both of those aspects in the women I am attracted to. I want to ensure that I can feel fulfilled (well, relatively speaking--a partner can never give you EVERYTHING that you need) with a female partner, but I worry that I will not be fulfilled, because of this strange need for hetero sex, and it does concern me. Any thoughts?
While I'm not sure on what the terminology of this would be, it sounds like you're the straight version of homoerotic (I'm not sure how many kinds of political incorrectness I just used, but sorry hahaha) The two questions I've had would be, have you ever had a boyfriend, and/or have you ever had sex with a male?
Welcome to EC! From your post, and let me know if I'm wrong, it sounds like your fantasies have to do more with being penetrated than being with an actual man. If that is true, then maybe what you have to do is try to have sex with a girl and either use a strap-on or toys on each other. Then see if that works for you or if you still find yourself not that turned on. Have you had sex with a girl that wasn't over the webcam? If you haven't, then maybe you really have nothing to worry about. Maybe you webcamming just doesn't do it for you. It might be something to think about.
I'm on the same boat. If it wasn't for this weird physical attraction to men, I'd say I'm 100% gay. I used to worry about this all the time, but for my own mental sanity I'm trying to stop driving myself crazy, and when I need to masturbate, to think about what I feel like thinking. I'm terrified that I'll fall for a girl and not be able to be intimate with her, but if that's what I am, a "bisexual who is sexually attracted to one gender and emotionally attracted to another", there's nothing I can do about it. At least I'm a tiny bit glad there are people in the same situation. and FYI, strap-ons are definitely a sexy thought
This was basically what I thought. Lots of lesbians like penetration, and even the idea of a penis. Despite common beliefs to the contrary, "penis" does not equal "man." For example, a man who has lost his penis to injury or illness is still a man. A desire for a penis in isolation is not the same thing as desire for a man. When you say you fantasize about men, do you fantasize about actual particular men, or at least clearly visualized men, or just about the vague idea of someone with a penis, penetrating you? Maybe you could try reading some erotica that features strap-on sex. ***Find some written by actual lesbians. This is important. Also, you might be having a hard time imagining lesbian sex as being intense or vigorous. It usually isn't portrayed that way. But lesbian sex can be as... energetic as you like. It's not all gentle petting.
Nope, I've never had a boyfriend nor have I ever had sex with a man--I actually am not interested in having a relationship with a man either. I find that I'm curious about having sex with men... but I don't think I'd want much else! And even then, it might not be a satisfying experience for me.... of course, it could be as well, but fantasy does not always live up to reality, and I have no idea if that would be what would happen! Nope, I haven't... I'm not very sexually experienced, hehehe... I did think about that, because webcamming obviously doesn't involve touching, and touching is what can turn me on the most! I've definitely read of some women who identify as lesbians, and yet their situation is similar to mine: they fantasize quite a bit about penis-in-vagina intercourse, and get off on that very easily... and sometimes their girl-girl fantasies don't do it for them even though they don't think having sex with a man (the totality of a man) is that satisfying, if at all. It's just that the thought of penetration and even ejaculation gets them off. So, I don't feel so alone! And yes, genitals do not equal gender or even sex--it's far more complicated than that! I guess the desire for one set of genitals NOT taken with the totality of a person does not necessarily indicate your sexual orientation 100%? It seems that I do desire the totality of a woman, but not necessarily a man. I rarely fantasize about particular men, but it does occasionally happen. Funnily enough, I don't usually have big crushes on them or anything--I haven't had a genuine crush on a man for almost 4 years now. Usually it's just a vague idea of someone with a penis, but it can also often be a kind of a fuzzy image of a made-up man.... one that I may not find appealing outside of masturbatory fantasies. It's kind of weird. Wish I could find a girl to have sex with... ah well, good things come to those who wait, I guess! I might.... I think part of my problem could be that I've had society's narrow views of sex so engrained in my brain that it's melded into masturbatory fantasies; i.e., "real" sex is only penetration with a penis. And, that women are soft, gentle, fragile creatures, so therefore lesbian sex must be the same way. I've been really taking a look on how society views how sex "should" be, and it seems I've been making some headway, woo-hoo! Yes, they are indeed! :icon_wink Sounds like it would be fun searching for :lol:And yes, I know that it's important to find erotica written by actual lesbians--otherwise you just run into straight men's ideas of how lesbian sex is, which is often off the mark!
