I promised myself and a few people here who are special to me that I would come out to my parents over my winter break (Dec 14-Jan 13). And now I sit here at school and it's the break is over. And I haven't come out. I'm really sad that I wasn't able to work up the courage to do it. I've set a new date for myself to do it (1/31, my birthday; or 2/1, when I visit home), but I really hope that I stick to it. Originally I wanted to come out during the summer, but I pushed it back to Thanksgiving and then Winter Break. And now it's all over and I still haven't made ANY progress whatsoever. I think I have some internal fear that things between me and my parents will change. I love them so much and I don't want anything to change our relationship. So I think that's what's holding me back. I sure hope this next plan works out. Sorry for my incoherent rambling. I just had to get it out. :icon_sad:
"Sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men..." So it didn't work out that you told your parents when you expected. I think many of us understand that internal fear mechanism that you mentioned. Remember as you consider to go forth with your plan, you have not changed. You are still the same person that they have known for all of these years. Good luck
Coming out to my parents was the hardest thing I had to do. We understand how it is don't worry, when you are really ready you'll tell them. I will tell you that most of the time, all the stress and worrying over coming out to your parents turns out to be unnecessary (not that this will make you stop stressing or worrying!). Good luck and don't worry about dates too much.
it's not true that you haven't made any progress, just thinking about it and accepting it yourself is progress. :icon_bigg Don't forget that! You'll come out when the time is right and you are the only one who will know when that is. I wish you the best of luck! (*hug*)
Don't be too harsh on yourself. Yes you set a date and made promises but I think you did this as a way of setting up a structure that would 'force' you into coming out. If you haven't done so yet it is simply because you are not ready to, stop pressuring yourself with dates and deadlines it only makes things worse. As for your relationship with your parents read the sticky post on parents grief, it is very good. I have a better relationship with my son today than I ever had in the past (before he came out to me) Yes I was shaken and upset, felt disorientated and lost (I soon got over these feelings) but he is still my son, my baby and I will love him untill his dying day and his sexual orientation will not change that. How open are your parents, how do they feel about homosexuality? If they are quite open people then maybe you could start preparing the ground already by talking openly about homosexuality and how it has affected people that you know.
Don't beat yourself up over this. You'll get to it, and you'll do it when the situation feels right. I wouldn't worry about your relationship changing though. Mine certainly didn't. They've been pretty good about the whole thing. Good luck.
Don't worry, Coop. It's a big thing to do and does take a lot of courage. When the time is right it will happen. There's no rush mate Chin up.
Don't worry. I did exactly the same with coming out to various people. I planned to tell my sister when I saw her one time and didn't, then didn't the nest planned time either. Likewise with a work colleague. For me both were third time lucky. Don't put yourself down. It didn't happen this time, so set yourself another target or make another plan and try to see it through that time. And if again it doesn't then try even harder for the next time. I see Louise's point about setting a date to force yourself to do it, but for me I need targets and deadlines otherwise I will procrastinate and keep putting it off. If that's you too then set yourself another target but don't beat yourself up too much if you miss this one too.
Its a good thing that you kep trying and planning. But you dhoulsnt let yourself down, we all know how har dit is, you are only 16, you'll have plenty of time, there are people who are older than you havent come out yet. Only thinking bout comign otu and makign plan show how brave you are already(*hug*) Coming out dose require time, lets say now you have the courage to make plan, but later as tiem pass you have the courage of telling. Though I think using teh plan will make you nervous especially teh day is near, but it's a good way for organizing your coming out process. And it's ok if you cant come out on your Birthday or in the Summer. On December 11th we have National Coming Out Day, at that time, everybody will come out, so it'll make you feel alittle bit more comfortable and plenty tim for preparing yourself But i wish you the best luck, just believe in yourself
Thanks for all your advice, guys. Yeah, I shouldn't be setting dates for myself BUUUUUUUT there's one thing that's making me do it. If I want to be the school's GSA co-president for next year, they have elections in March. And I haven't attended a meeting yet because I had a chemistry laboratory section during their meeting times last semester. One of my best friends (a senior) is the co-president this year. I just thought I should tell my parents first. There are a few people here that I would have no problem at all coming out to because I know they're 100% fine with it. I swear some of them even tried to make me come out to them but I didn't. I think my parents would be okay with it, I just can't bring myself to tell them. My mom went to an all girl's Catholic college but we're not a religious family at all (I can count the number of times I've been to church in my entire life on one hand. Well, maybe two if you include Catholic mass. And those were just for special visitor days or for dedicated services-- my family has never joined a church.). I actually tested the waters a couple years ago. I asked my mom to go see Brokeback Mountain at the movies (3/19/06 3:55 PM showing, lol). I really didn't want to see it (I'm bad, I had already downloaded it and watched it). My mom freaked out and said no and asked why I would want to see it. So I asked later while watching TV while both of my parents were there and my dad was just quiet for a minute but he was calm and okay with it. I still remember asking. I think my ears were really red (that happens to me when I'm nervous, it's a dead giveaway). So we went later and saw it, and after the movie my mom was kind of disgusted (but I think more at the fact that she let me watch it) but my dad didn't really show anything. So it's really weird, I think my dad would deal with it better than my mom. On the way to the movies, my older brother called and asked what we were doing, so I said going to the movies, and he asked which one and I told him. And then he just said "Oh." That was kind of awkward, but he couldn't say anything because I found a ticket stub in his suitcase earlier when he had visited for winter break (he was in college at the time) and it said he saw it in January earlier that year. Oh, by the way, I'm 16 but I'm at boarding school on a college campus so I live 498 km away from my parents. So I'm living in a dorm with my peers and friends on a floor of about 150 boys, which is also making it awkward for me to come out. My English professor is an Ally (went through GLBT-tolerance training), so she's a safe person to tell and ask for help. And there's a rumor going around that she's a lesbian (and there's some pretty solid evidence, but she can't flat out say it in class because of professionalism). There's also a residential school psychiatrist and the academic counselor is also an Ally. This past winter break, I think my parents noticed I was sadder than normal because they kept telling me to be happy. And they keep saying they'll love me no matter what. I feel silly re-reading what I just wrote. I have so many resources here and it's a much more accepting place than back home (half of the school is liberal atheists, but the other half is pretty religious and conservative for some reason). And it seems like my family knows anyway. And I still can't do it! My time will come, I guess.
Don't worry! (*hug*) When you're ready, you'll come out. And you're right, we're all here for you. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. But your parents are right. "Be happy." Do what makes you happy.
Hey, it's OK, it's always like that... I always have times when I'm like "OK, OK, now! Aw, crap, later...". I was going to suggest coming out to friends instead of family first, but I understand it's a little awkward with an all boys school... though ultimately you should look at who you'd be most comfortable telling this kind of thing and tell them first. The rest will come much more easily.
You don't HAVE to put yourself under a timeline unless you're just really trying to motivate yourself to do it. But I believe in you!
If you want to be your schools GSA co-president your classmates and dormmates are going to find out sooner or later (*hug*) Maybe you are going about this the wrong way. How about a less direct approach, writing your parents a letter for example and leave it around for them to read next time you are home, or start with your dad if you think he will handle it better. You don't have to come out to them both at the same time and blurt out the words to their faces ... very scary. When you say your mum was disgusted, did she say this to you or is this your interpretation of her reaction. She might just have been acutely embarassed to watch such graphic gay scenes with her 15 year old son! I know I would be and I consider myself pretty open minded, there are just some things I don't want to share with my kids. :dry: Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.
I don't know whether to be direct or indirect. It'd be nice to do it directly but I suppose if I do it indirectly they can think about it before responding. And I do think the disgust was just motherly protection or something.
I say dont push your self 2 hard LOL i cant help i got to say it. I thought this thread said Broke my Penis haha im sorry but i couldnt help my self forive me sd for being foolish
That really reminds me of my situation Cooper! Well back then... in college when they kinda knew already especially when I started hanging around this one guy who they assumed was gay anyways..... and I was like totally depressed and my mom had this one chance in the car on the way back to my dorm and she was like "are you okay, is there anything you need to tell me?" I should have done it then, but I didn't. I put it off for a long time, mostly since I didn't really know what they would think, I mean I knew they'd love me, but I wanted to know if there would be like crying/anger or something. In the end, she was really good, so was the stepfather. Don't worry you'll do it. I go out on trips to town with my mom often, SERIOUSLY 2 of those trips it was on the tip of my tongue THE WHOLE TIME and I just couldn't... then finally on one of those trips I finally just did it. "And it has made all the difference" - haha
