So i am married, with 2 kids, and have a very wonderful relationship, however for years i have always wanted to be sexually intimate with another male. My wife doesn't know to what extent but she happily uses a strapon etc but i can't come to tell her i want to have oral sex and sex with another man. The other thing im unsure about is, i cant stand the thought of even kissing another man, or having his cum touch me, but i would happily have oral sex and anal sex with him. Am i bisexual or just weird?
when did you 1st notice you wanted it? after watching porn? have you ever thought as a boy secretly a boy was cute, or wanted to kiss them? or is it new? gee i hate to see married people mess up a home life with kids involved. you could be bisexual, but how important to you is being with a man? are you willing to lose what you have to get it? because if women are eh, and men are all that, then it maybe more towards gay then straight. nobody is 100%.
No no no, im definitely not leaving the marriage or my kids xD I love my wife and kids, and love everything about women, i hate the thought of kissing men and there cum, but want to experience oral and anal sex with other males. Sorry if its all worded wrong, kind of nervous writing it even though i know its pretty much anonymous. Am i bisexual even though i dont want to be kissing men (anywhere but the penis, (this is why im so confused) I dont like the idea of groping men while wearing clothes but would happily masturbate one with my hand when naked. am i straight with curiosity? Or something completely different? The only thing im sure of is that i love women and everything physically about them. I first had the feelings when i was at uni 5 years ago with a friend of mine, we were talking jokingly about having a dry spell and saying we should do stuff with each and laughing about it but it turned into a serious conversation which we both quickly changed. I love watching shemales (not sure of the correct terminology) having anal sex with other men, i love watching men having sex with other men, and i love watching men having sex with females using strapons. Should i come out completely to my wife and explain all this, but obviously the fact im also dedicated to the marriage and my children and wouldn't change for anything and hope she understands and comes up with a solution?
idk. if i were a woman married with 2 kids, maybe i would hope the man i married found me 100% enough and that is why we married and had 2 kids, and maybe feel a bit scared he was going away from us. you know your wife, what kind of person is she? is she really wild into all kinds of kinky sex, or is she the "normal" housewife? im not a therapist, and couples should be open and talk about stuff, but i sure would hate to give you bad advice, brother. i aint married. if i were a man married to a woman and had 2 kids and had been thinking about maturating with other men since before marriage, i would hope i had a wife who would not leave me or stop loving me if i told her. i often wondered what kind of person would be able to love me and understand me and not find me disgusting if i told them i was actually a boy inside. :/ would have to tell them someday...cuz trust is what makes up a marriage, and any cheating or lying will damage it in a way that can never be 100% the same again.
Welcome to EC. I'd say you're bisexual. (But then, I'm somewhat of an extremist on the whole "bi-curious" issue.) 1) You actually like to watch men having sex, and EC's conventional wisdom regards this as a very strong indication of non-straightness. And I take you for your word on being attracted to your wife and women in general. Which means you're bi. 2) People don't get these kind of persistent desires from a stray gay joke unless they're naturally predisposed to it. Heck, if persuading a completely straight guy that male-on-male sex is hot was this easy, there wouldn't be any meaning in the whole concept of "sexual orientation." *) what ISN'T an indication is your interest in anal sex and even your desire for giving oral. These are sex acts, and as you already discovered watching porn, there are ways to do all that even by a straight-as-an-arrow guy/girl couple. All the hang-ups about specific things you think you'd like to do with a man, well... I suspect it's partly inexperience (I guess you didn't do any "physical" experimentation and so can only guess how this or that act really feels like with the right kind of person.) and partly minor kinks and quirks everybody has. As to whether to tell your wife... Well, on the one hand, if anyone deserves to know, it's she. On the other, well, it's a risky move. And on yet third hand, it's generally a bad idea to just pile up your issues on the other side in hopes she'll "find a solution" somehow. Just think about it, - unless, by luckiest coincidence she's right on this forum asking how to come out as bi to her straight husband D) and/or she's got a relevant Ph. D., she knows even less about bisexuality than you do. You at least have your own feelings and instincts. So, on the balance, I'd say that you should try and explore your sexuality (without actual cheating) first, learn things about the whole LBGTQ culture (like how "shemales" prefer to be called outside porn movies.) and get as comfortable with it as you can and at least have some ideas of your own on how to make your marriage work before you tell her anything. It may be OK to try and float some discreet trial balloons, but you should only tell other people about your sexual orientation when you're emotionally ready to deal with the consequences and answer their questions. -Honey, I'm a bisexual. -So, you'd have to cheat on me with some hunky dude? -Errr... No... I think... sounds much worse than -Honey, I'm a bisexual. -So, you'd have to cheat on me with some hunky dude? -No. I thought about it very long, and I know I want to be with you and you only. But whom I find attractive is a part of me you must know about for our relationship to work.
Hi, Daruta, and welcome to EC. I'm sure it's a bit scary to be posting and talking about this issue because the idea of communicating about it to your wife has got to be worrisome, and, I suspect, so is the idea that you have this attraction to some type of intimacy with men. I'm going to suggest something to you that may make you very uncomfortable. (It may also be 100% wrong, but I'm going to ask you to at least be open to thinking about it and exploring what it might mean for you. Based on a lot of conversations here at EC, and also in knowing and working with a lot of people in similar situations to where you seem to be, I think it is possible that you might be bisexual, or even gay. Now I can already guess that you are getting upset, or absolutely certain I'm wrong... and maybe I am, but maybe I'm not. Here's why I make the argument: Someone who is curious or interested in having some sort of same-sex encounter, but who identifies as straight, is usually uncomfortable at some level with those thoughts, in part because of the fear of what that might mean. And a lot of things are going on below our consciousness that influence our feelings and decisions. So often, what we *think* we feel and what we are *actually* feeling deep down aren't the same, because there's a layer of protection so we don't have to deal with it all at once. What caught my attention was the idea that you're completely grossed out by kissing, or by having any contact with another man's cum. That's not a typical response, and it sounds more like something manufactured by the unconscious as a form of protection... "Well, I can be curious, and suck off a guy, or have a guy fuck me in the ass, but as long as I don't kiss him, or touch his cum, I'm not gay." It sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that is a classic example of the sort of denial and protection mechanisms that come up when someone is first exploring their sexual orientation. And the "Oh, but I REALLY love women, love every part of them, and worship their bodies" can also be an argument put up by the unconscious to deny that one actually has any romantic same-sex feelings. So... it is *possible* that you may, in fact, genuinely have a strong attraction to men. Maybe equally strong as your attraction to women. Maybe much stronger (but hidden deep down for years). Or maybe not. But whatever it is, you have basically opened Pandora's box. And that may be an absolutely terrifying feeling. But the important thing to know here is... whatever is, is. If you're straight and have some interesting fetishes, that's fine. If you're bisexual, that's fine. And even if you're gay... that will be fine too. I know that last one seems inconceivable, but it's true. Whatever you are, and wherever your orientation lies, it's who you are, and denying it, avoiding it, pretending it doesn't exist isn't going to help you or your wife or anyone else. So my suggestion is to simply be open, and embark on this journey. No one (including you) knows yet where it will lead. And you really don't have any option to change it, because you are what you are, and it's just a matter of exploring and understanding that. (If you want to be happy, that is!) But the more openminded you can be, the more you can walk into the fear, the quicker and more fully you can understand yourself and where you are... and then take whatever steps come next. I would NOT suggest hooking up with men, or in any other way cheating on your wife. Honesty and integrity are key to any relationship, and as soon as you do that, you really damage everything you've created. At the same time, you may think that honesty about what's going on right now is important... and it is... but in that case, I think a little more self-exploration first makes sense before talking to her in more detail. So..that might be a bunch to take in. And maybe you'll dismiss it as BS or not applicable, and that's your choice. But I hope you won't, because if you *do* allow yourself this exploration, you will be able to find your full, authentic self... and if we are not living authentically, we can't have an honest, healthy relationship, or a wholehearted life. If you would like to talk one-on-one with me or any of the other people on the advisor team, we'd be happy to do so, as that might also be helpful as you're working through this. In any case, good luck!
