I'm sorry but this is going to be a rant.... So I've got to the point where I've had enough of the bad days as they seem to be all too common now. I've completely closed myself off to the world and the people around me. I no longer enjoy doing anything but going to bed and crying myself to sleep. I have the odd day where I feel great and just earlier this week I felt like coming out to my parents. These 'good' days only happen once a month if that and they are soon destroyed by something bad happening. I've closed myself off to the point now where people don't ask how I am anymore because they know I'll just give a short uninterested answer. I'm not complaining about this because it means people leave me alone and that's what I want. I live with my parents and even they just say 'how was your day' and that's it because they know I don't want to talk anymore. I couldn't be bothered to go out with friends so I closed them out and haven't been out with any friends in over two years now. I could call them but I wouldn't be interested in talking, going out or doing anything. Sorry that this rant is going on so much but I just need to type. It's Friday evening now and I've got nothing planned for the weekend and I know I'll be spending it at home eating as much junk food as I can find. I know in my head that if I eat healthy I'll feel better and that I could go out for a walk or join a club with similar people but even the though of getting up and doing that is making me feel depressed. I've looked into counseling services or support groups but I don't have any money to pay for a professional and I wouldn't be able to go to any sort of support group. I guess I'm not looking for advice or a response but just to vent. I saw an episode of 'World's strictest parents' which had a gay couple with their three children in their dream house with their dream job. It's a life I thought would be perfect but I just can't get myself to the next step. I'm 26 now and have been slowly declining since I left school at 16 (UK School)
(*hug*) I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You don't need to apologize for posting about your problems here--that's what we're here for. Could your parents help you pay for counseling? They must know that you are struggling with something. Maybe they could split the cost with you. Is there anyone who would come over and spend time with you, just sit without talking? That can be helpful. Next time that you have one of your good days, try to gather up the courage to do something to change things. Talk to someone who will be supportive, someone that you know will accept you. Even talking about it with one supportive person will help you a lot.
Do you think moving out of your parents' house would help your situation? I think just meeting new people and being more independent might help. It would also be easier to be in a relationship if you lived on your own, and maybe that's what you need.
My parents don't have any spare cash and I wouldn't want them to know that I'd be going to counseling because they'd worry too much. As far as they are aware I just haven't found the right girl yet. As I've distanced myself from everyone there isn't anyone to talk to anymore. ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2012 at 01:06 PM ---------- Hi bob, to answer your question yes and no. It would be nice to have my own place but I can't afford it at the moment. If I did have my own place and disconnect myself from the world I could go crazy being the only one there.
