Hi guys! Welp, basically I've been in a really jumbled up situation lately, and it's driving me INSANE. Kinda like the song "Breaking Point" by Aiko... "Will I get through this somehow? Right here right now? I'm at my breaking point and it's all crashing down. Because you just don't understand, oh just how I feel. I'm at my breaking point and Ima burn it down!" Basically my situation... I'm at my breaking point and I wanna burn it down. I came out originally as bisexual, but I now realize that I am not turned on by women... only guys. I'm sick of bottling my feelings and thoughts up, because I can tell it's affecting how I act around others. My girlfriend is also a problem... basically I'm not sexually attracted to her, and the LAST thing I want to do is keep her in a relationship that ultimately isn't going to work. She claims that she's bi too, but I don't think she knows what it really means... she just finds girl attractive, but hates the idea of going down on another girl or anyone going down on someone of the same sex. She constantly tells me that I'm the light of her life and I make her truly happy... meanwhile I can think of her as anything more than a friend. Everyone swoons over how cute we are. Damn you peer pressure! DX< So, ultimately I have 2 questions: 1) I've accepted myself, but now how do I come out with confidence to my peers? 2) How to I politely tell her that I'm gay without flat out saying "I'm leaving you because I like penis"? XD Any advice helps here! Love y'all! *hugs for everyone* P.S. I was out for lunch with my grandma the other day, and while we were talking, there was someone who came out of the closet to there parents, and they accepted him. It was cool to see how he was openly gay, and I thought it was a cool experience to witness.
Start with the girlfriend first: "Beautiful sweet girlfriend, I care about you so much. You are such a good person. I knew that if it was ever going to work for me with a girl, it would be you. But it isn't working for me, and I've realized I must be gay. I'm sorry I put you through this--I never meant to hurt you. But I think it's best that I figured this out now, and accepted it, rather than continuing this relationship for years and years, and only then coming to terms with it. I understand you might be hurt and angry for a while, but I hope eventually you can forgive me, and we can be friends. I'll be very sad if I have to lose you completely from my life." Then you can tell your friends about why you had to break up with such a nice girl: "I realized that I was just lying to myself, hanging on to the hope that I could have a straight marriage and family--really, I'm not attracted to girls at all. I'm gay." Good luck!
Firstly, its not strange for girls to have a gay best friend.... Personally I don't like same sex oral either but if u throw me into a room with another girl I find attractive I will probably make out with her. Thus maybe she is bisexual but leaning more towards straight than lez. Having said that, tell the young lady ur not sexually attracted to women and she needs to find a better boyfriend while the best friends option is still available. For the first time in your life, BE A MAN! YOU ASKED HER out, now YOU END IT! No matter how ugly it gets, IT NEEDS to END! Nothings worse than being gay and marrying a girl coz ur balls are so premature >> I will certainly make ur life miserable if u end up doing that to the poor girl. I'm joking I'm not gonna hunt u down. Just tell her the truth. Say u prefer penis. Fair enough. U guys probably share something in common!
Firstly, if you've only come out as bisexual to a few, it shouldn't be an issue. The only bad thing will be for any other bisexuals, as some might dismiss them as 'confused' and use you as an example. If you've come out as bi to most/all, you'll get a fair bit of crap about it. Just come out to them as gay as you did as bi. Secondly, tell her directly like that, but AFTER you've padded it out. e.g. "I love you very much, and if I had any choice in the matter, I'd love you 5ever, but as it turns out, I like cock, and I don't like cats with my rooster either (if you know what I mean :lol: ), so any relationship between us won't work out." Simple as that.
So... thank you all for the advice thus far! I'm considering explaining to her via a nice note explaining everything. I'm gonna draft it out tonight... unless anyone thinks it's a bad idea. :/ I just wanna be able to say everything all at once without her interupting me. Because I want to tell her everything and let her have time to process it... make sense? Is that a good idea?
I would take enough time to be sure about it all. you been dating a while, so no hurry to beak up right? no man around the corner waiting for it? so go be alone and think carefully, cuz this you can't undo. It will break her heart.
There is no one waiting for me, so it's not like I'm leaving her for someone else. It's just... ever since we got together, we just argue a lot... we never did that as friends. I don't want to make her be in a relationship with someone who cannot see her as anything more verythan a friend. Plus... it's not fair to her to have to stay with me when she can find someone else that is sexually attracted to women. I don't want our feiendship to end if we break up, because prior to dating, she and I never argued. So I am pretty sure that breaking up with her will definitely affect our friendship, but it's not like I "chose" to be gay... it's just something I have to accept. So I feel a letter with be the best way to explain it all to her and it allows her to process the info... I'm also afraid because she is suicidal, and if we break up, I don't want her to end her life. If that ever happened, I would never forgive myself... it's just that I'm in a rough position.
If you would find it better giving her a note, do it that way. Although given her mental state, I'd try and make sure that you're there when you give her the note, so you can comfort her about the whole thing.
You guys, thank you for helping me figure this out a bit... So I'm going to start drafting a note tonight, and I'll probably post the rough draft here to get some more feedback. Now, another question... if you don't mind... Say I give her the note, and she freaks out and threatens suicide if we break up? It's a scary thought, but if she did follow through, WOULD IT BE MY FAULT? I'm scared that if the answer is yes, then I will stay in the relationship because I don't want her to hurt herself anymore. She has a history of inflicting damage on herself (cutting, etc.)...
My thoughts exactly. She has a history of self-harm, and that's what's to blame if anything happens to her, not your break-up. The only time when it would be your fault is if this was the ONLY time she ever considered self-harm or suicide and happened to go all the way because you broke up with her. You are not responsible for her life. Don't put that burden on yourself. That's why I feel like (like Mad said) you should be there when you reveal the news to her, however you do it. You can be there to comfort her and hopefully clear any possible misconception that it's something she did wrong, hopefully alleviating some of the hurt feelings. But ultimately, whether you're together or not, you cannot control what other people do, but only your own reactions. I wouldn't necessarily suggest telling her that, but it applies to her too. This is not the first and likely not the last hardship she'll ever face in her life (no suicide jokes intended or anything); but she is lucky to have a good friend to help her through this one.
You guys, thank you for helping me figure this out a bit... So I'm going to start drafting a note tonight, and I'll probably post the rough draft here to get some more feedback. Now, another question... if you don't mind... Say I give her the note, and she freaks out and threatens suicide if we break up? It's a scary thought, but if she did follow through, WOULD IT BE MY FAULT? I'm scared that if the answer is yes, then I will stay in the relationship because I don't want her to hurt herself anymore. She has a history of inflicting damage on herself (cutting, etc.)...
