Confused on being lesbian?(another one of those...)

Hi, welcome to Empty Closets!

Most lesbians (and bisexuals, and gay men) go through a period, often a very long period, of not wanting to be gay. It's very unusual for someone to be really happy about it from the start. So, yes, it's possible to be a lesbian and not want to be.

I take it you are a minor and living at home with your parents? And they apparently believe that being gay is a choice, which would be why you think it's strange that you can be one without wanting to. Well, you may have to wait to tell them until you are able to support yourself.

It is likely that they will eventually accept you. But if you tell them while you are still dependent on them and they have authority over you, they could possibly do you a lot of harm before they do. For example, if they were to kick you out of your house, or send you to some kind of "treatment" to "fix" you, that would do you a lot of harm. Programs designed to turn gay people straight do not work, and cause serious psychological harm. So if you think there is a chance that they would do either of those things, or hurt you in other ways, you should wait to come out to your parents.

You might want to think about coming out to a friend, if you have a good friend that you can depend on to keep a secret. If your brother can keep a secret from the rest of the family, you could tell him.

It will help you a lot if you have a friend who accepts you for who you are that you can talk to about things.

How did you discover that you are a lesbian, if you don't mind my asking? Since you say it was a recent discovery, I'm curious.