what if nothing changes

But... there's also the possibility that you might not be depressed! Right now, you feel miserable but if you come out to someone supportive, at least there is a possibility that you might allieviate some of the anxiety/depression you have. But if you don't, than nothing changes and you still remain depressed and anxious. Did you feel depressed before finally understanding that you were gay? Because if you didn't, than the depression you feel is probably do to being in the closet. Are all these running thoughts you're having due to your sexual orientation? Do you want to come out? I think that's an important question since coming out should happen whenever you want it to. Also, is it safe for you to come out to people around you? (aka they're not total homophobes) Sorry, it's a lot of questions! But it might help me or someone else get some more perspective.

 

Then you would know your depression and anxiety aren't related to your sexual orientation, and you would be able to live your life without fear of somebody finding out your orientation via your future boyfriend.

 

Even if your depression and anxiety aren't caused solely by being in the closet, it does contribute to them. Coming out should help to some extent.

 

Mlp - being gay and being closeted can certainly give rise to depression - but are there other things that you are depressed, anxious about?

 

Sometimes our own individual stories seem bleak, unique and overwhelming - like we are the only people on the planet burdened with a situation like ours. Strange thing is though - every person on this planet is struggling with something - something that seems big to them. The nice thing about these forums is that we CAN share our 'sob stories' in an open and supportive environment.

Your future looks bleak to you... so perhaps it only LOOKS that way... what if - just if - your life was going to be amazing and you just haven't realized it yet? What if there was that possibility? That a sequence of events takes you from where you are today into an amazing awesome future that you can't even possibly imagine today? Aren't you a little bit curious what that would look like? To figure out what next step in your life might lead to that amazing sequence?

Maxx

 

Understood. You are right it doesn't seem that way. But things are not always the way they seem... Have you ever been wrong about something? I know I have...

What if you are wrong about your future being bleak? I wonder...

 

I understand. Sometimes so many things seem to be going wrong that it seems hope is futile. As I get older, I find that life has seasons. In Winter all seems bleak, but eventually Spring comes. And Winter will roll around again at some point. When things are bleak, we need to think about how good Spring will feel. When we are in the heat of Summer, enjoying life, we need to realize Winter can come again and that we should enjoy Summer while we can.

Health problems suck. I was diagnosed with bladder cancer 3 years ago - I knew nothing about the disease, my prognosis, and it made me face my mortality (on top of that I was out of work). I had the tumor removed and (knock on wood) have had no recurrence. A very scary period - that seemed bleak - and strangely enough it turned around. I also now have a great job that I really enjoy.

I don't know what your situation is of course, so I can't equate my problems with yours by any stretch - we all face things from our own viewpoints. Just know that life has cycles - you are clearly going through 'Winter'. Just know that Spring follows Winter as inevitably as Winter follows Summer.

There will be better times ahead - I promise.

 

I sometimes think the same thing, will it make that much of an impact on me, is it worth it? Like yourself I have really bad anxiety (mostly social anxiety) and I'm pretty depressed too, although I do put on a permanent front of positivity. I really want to find out if coming out will make a change to my life and I'm almost ready to be myself. I've kinda made a promise to myself that I must come out before I'm 20 - whether I'll break that promise is another question. I need to start telling friends though, I need to get more comfortable with telling people or I'll never do it!

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your diagnosis of MS - it can be a terrible disease. And our economy right now also sucks, with many good people like your Dad going through fear of losing their job. Life can be rough, and it sounds like you are going through a lot now.

Don't go through it alone. Reach out, like you are here, and let people help. There are support groups for young people being diagnosed with MS, even support groups for Gay people with MS. Just knowing that you aren't the only one dealing with this combination is helpful.

Sounds like you hate your job at the beer company, and aren't crazy about school either. What DOES excite you? What gets your heart beating? If you were passionate about something, what would that be? You deserve to wake up each morning following your dream. Ben & Jerry made an empire on ice cream!

I can imagine you standing on a stage in an auditorium full of young people 5 years from now telling your story - how it looked so bleak. And the magic of turning it around, getting you to the point where you can proudly tell them the story of your success and how you found true happiness - and inspiring someone in the audience who is also going through a rough time - and helping them turn THEIR life around.

Find out what you were meant to do on this planet - something only you can do. Something only you MUST do. Our struggles make us who we are - use them to propel you forward, not backwards. Wake up to pursuing your dream each day. The rest will take care of itself.

We're rooting for you.

 

Each of us has free will - you can choose to go to school or not - or to another completely different school - or to a clown school - or a vet school or a brand new job. Your possibilities are unlimited - you are just beginning your life!

Your avatar is of a cute puppy - do you love animals? If money wasn't an issue, what would you want to do? What have you enjoyed doing?

 

I love this quote, because it's Albert Einstein and because it's scarily true.

You mention feeling stuck... well, if you can't change your job situation, or school, if nothing else because you don't know where else to look... change something else in your life. It seems like coming out would be a good place to start.

Sure, it might go badly, but you're already miserable. So you're holding out where you are now - being miserable - at risk of... being miserable? Doesn't make much sense to me.

If nothing else, people seem to claim that they learn more about themselves after burning their closets down, because they no longer have to worry about what other people want; they do what they want because they actually want to, since there's now this newfound sense of freedom.

If you want, I can give you a whole spiel on making a change while you're feeling down... my old housemate was very much in a rut and quite miserable. She's still bummed at times, but it took her quitting our school and moving back home to even make a dent in her depression. Change is definitely key if you're unhappy where you are. And depending on how unhappy you are, little changes here and there might not make enough impact for you to notice... so maybe it's time to do something big.

EDIT: I know you said you don't want to come out because you don't want to risk losing your family... is it understandably irrational fear, or is there actual legitimate reason for you to believe they wouldn't accept you?