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Sudden wave of depression

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gleeko0, Jun 16, 2012.

  1. Gleeko0

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
    Messages:
    394
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    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This is so annoying.

    A couple of days ago I was feeling considerably down, but then I though "It is nothing, you will be fine..you just need to hang out with your friends and inspire some fresh air", and now I'm realizing how crappy I am really feeling. And the source that triggered this is probably some stupid crush? I'm not so sure, but it might be.

    Several days ago I found out that cute straight guy I quite admire had broken up with his GF. Hes a very happy person and likes to play with a lot of people, he had "played" with me sometimes like trying to scare me off... stuff kids usually do to call attention, but I know he is like that and its nothing about me.

    Now last friday he invited me to sit together with him and his friends (we were having a different kind of class where we are put together and the tables are for 6 people). We don't really talk, I don't talk with his friends and when he called me he looked so tightly on my eyes and I don't know what I have put on my head really, but it was like he was genuinely trying to approach me and be friends or whatever? I mean, I am openly gay/bi (most people take it as gay) at school, everybody knows it including him, its normal for me to find that strange? I guess I'm getting paranoid over him because hes my crush.

    Whats even weird for me is that just before I had asked him about a party we are having at school because I knew he was aware of all the stuff going on and I wanted to know more, he explained me and receptioned me with optimism when I said I thought there was a chance I wouldn't be able to go, what I think is the kind of answer anyone would give. But I was then thinking, why he invited me to sit together if we barely talk? Was he interested in knowing me more? When we talk his eyes seem to go deep inside my own, its so weird because no other straight guy I talk does that. I am not usually paranoid like that about supposedly straight guys... But with him its been different because I can't stand the way he talks to me, it is different and I can't stop thinking about why it is. :bang:

    Maybe he gives me a different treatment because he knows im not straight and stuff?

    The party was today, and I couldn't go. :icon_sad:

    And now every time I think about it I feel bad because...what if he really was trying to approach me? Its bothering me, and doesn't go away from my mind :bang:

    Sorry for the book.... I was just going to erase everything because its possibly another teenager guy crisis..but I had written so much so I decided to post it...