i apologize if there are any other threads like this but i am in a bit of a dilemma. i have recently come to terms with becoming a lesbian. i was bisexual initially, and i don't really give much thought to labels but i am still kind of stuck. i came to the conclusion of becoming a lesbian because the strongest feelings i have felt for crushes have all been girls. my first crush was a girl and throughout my life it has felt like i have forced myself to like guys because i was brought up to believe it was wrong to be who i am. all the relationships i have had with guys have all gone horrible. initially i get butterflies and i like the idea of being in a relationship with a guy. however, as i get into a relationship with one i feel nothing, when i kiss them it has never been pleasant and i feel as though i can't be myself around them (i am not trying to be sexist here). lately i met a really nice guy through a friend. he seems to like me and my friends have been encouraging i go out with him, at our school formal i spent some time with him (he wasn't my date and i had no intention of making him my date) but we had gone to primary school for a brief while and we got talking on that. he was nice and easy to talk to and he is cute. on the night like many other times i felt no feelings other than friendship. the thought of going out with him gives me butterflies but i am scared i only like the idea of going out with a guy, the idea of a boyfriend, i have never been with a girl nor had any experience of that kind, however, my feelings have always been strong for girls over guys. the friends who know of my orientation think one date can't harm anything and maybe the guys i associated with before were just not right. but if i go on a date with him i don't want to lead him on, and it feels as though the most likely case will be that i feel nothing (it has happened enough times for me to be worried). can anyone give me some advice or share anything similar? thank you so much for reading (*hug*)
Well, from reading your post, it seems like you're not entirely keen on the idea of going out with him. Your friends seem to be keener than you. What would you rather do? Do you want to go on a date with him? You say you had no intention on going on a date so why would you? Do you feel any romantic towards or do you only see him as a friend? Like your friends say, there's no harm in going on one date but it may lead him on and that's where things might get more complicated. He might get more interested in you and want to hang out with you more while you might not. And getting out of this kind of situation might get trickier. So I guess it depends on whether you'd like to keep him as a friend or if you want more. IMO there's not much point going on a date with something you're not interested in that way. It will only disappoint and possibly hurt the other person. Just remember that the choice is yours. Follow your heart
yeah they do, i don't really think i have an sort of feelings other than friendship but i was just wondering if i date would possibly change that and if i should risk it. i honestly don't think it will, and you are right i need to choose and make this decision, i really don't want to lead him on so i probably will say no. thanks for the advice
I'm just gonna play devil's advocate here. Let's say you do actually have some form of feelings for this guy: there's the possibility that you are bisexual, but with major leanings toward women over men; or you could be hetero-romantic (not sure if that politically correct but oh well), meaning you like the idea of being in a straight relationship, but ONLY the idea. If the first example I stated is correct than your friends could be right, maybe you haven't met a guy you actually like yet. That's not to say you should listen and do whatever they tell you, but it's something to think about. Even though I stated this example second, I think it is more important. If you are hetero-romantic, then that's something you should figure out, if not to do more than figure out your feelings more easily.
i haven't heard that second one before, it does sound fitting but of course i still need to be sure which will take time and i will see where this goes. maybe if i just got to know him whilst i was with my friends as well as him i could see if i have any feelings but right now, after a bit of thinking i really don't want to pursue anything romantic. i am still young i have time to figure it out i just don't want to hurt anybody in the process, and i have only recently come to terms with accepting the fact i may be a lesbian, thank you it really means a lot that you posted
