Confused...I'm stuck on the basics

Wow, these are actually kind of complicated questions — so I wouldn't go as far as calling them the 'basics', but I know what you're getting at.

I think you can tell that you're crushing on someone if it feels like a really strong friendship isn't enough, and that you want to get more intimate with them. While obviously sex comes into it, I'm also talking about wanting to get more intimate with them emotionally and intellectually.

What do you mean by appreciating someone aesthetically? If you mean that you can recognise that they are beautiful but that's as far as you want to go, then for me, I don't consider that a crush.

But I suppose, if you have a really strong friendship with someone and you can envision yourself doing something sexually with someone and want to do it, then that is a crush.

I'm trying to think of the type of relationships I have with people, but bear in mind that I'm kind of getting over the "basics" myself.

I have really strong friendships with a few people, none of whom I find aesthetically pleasing. Therefore I obviously do not consider these crushes, just purely friendships.

And I have had strong friendships with people who I do find aesthetically pleasing too, and almost every time, I crush on them. I don't know how you can't... if you fancy their personality and you fancy them sexually, how are you supposed to not crush on them?

But bear in mind too that being attracted to someone's personality can make them more attractive physically. That's the way it is for me. Sometimes I mightn't like someone's body type or wouldn't be attracted to some particular type-of-looking person, but as soon as I get to know them and realise they're a great person, it's kind of like PHWOAR I want to go to bed with them (down the line).

Well I could be totally oversimplifying it and am totally naïve, but if you want to have sex with someone, then you're attracted to them.

There are plenty of hot guys for me that I can recognise their beauty, but they're not my type and I just don't want to have sex with them.

I'm not sure if I can help with the last one! I know that before I realised I was gay, I did have a crush with a girl when I was younger and I do believe that it was a proper crush. I imagined myself in a relationship with her and kissing her and the like, and always thought far, far down the line about sex.

And I'm sorry to keep bringing up sex a lot, but as far as "attraction" goes, I think it does come down to sex. But believe me that I think personality plays an important role too, and if someone has a better personality I find them much more attractive physically and it all adds to the crush. They are definitely interlinked, and neither can be discounted.

I hope I kind of helped in some way. I definitely wouldn't be disheartened; these are definitely not simple questions and I had to think about them for a while before answering.

 

I think if you want to get physically intimate with someone in any way beyond the normal level, such as kissing them, cuddling, touching or caressing them, then you have without a doubt got a crush on this girl.

OK, it seems you've yet to get your head around sex with another female, which is perfectly normal I would think. So instead of 'sex', let's go with what I said above. If you want to get physically intimate with someone in anyway that's more than typical, then it's safe to say that you are attracted to them.

You do seem to really be figuring things out. For me, I look at guys on the street or people I see everyday and I can quickly decide whether, firstly, I think they are good looking or not, and secondly whether I want to get intimate with them (because as I said, there are some people who I think are good looking but am not attracted to). I find this easy, and I know many people who work the same way, so I think this kind of thing will come with time.

I probably sound like a sex-crazed person, but I'm really not. I do value personality, but I think where you're coming from is trying to understand physical attraction, right?

Well still, I think it's safe to say that it was a crush. You imagined yourself in an intimate way with him emotionally, right? But I'm wondering if you're trying to figure out if this crush on this boy means that you're not a lesbian or that you are bisexual. And I don't think so. I think a lot of these kind of feelings are often because of social norms and the fact that you felt you maybe should be crushing on a boy. You may have liked him a lot and it's hard to tell the difference, evidently.

But the more I type and the more I read what you've said the more I think that I'm even more naïve! I have a feeling someone more experienced, more philosophical and more clever will come along and I will totally agree with whatever approach they have to the answer. But so far, I think the majority of what I have said fits for most people and I think you are just finding your way... which takes time.

 

Honestly hun, there's only so much you can break apart your thoughts. Maybe just go with the flow of things and not question too much, I. Know I should be telling myself the same as well, as I'm confused too. I think all these definitions are different for everyone. If you want to be with someone, be with them, if you want to have then do it, holding hands do that as well. Seems like with me, when I'm with a guy, I'm looking for butterflys, giddyness, feeling like I'm cloud 9, intimacy comes 1st and sexual attraction. With women I have no idea lol

 

Hey I think attraction and admiration can be really difficult to know the difference between, for me its not all about sex or actual sex because when I first see girls that I like, my first thought isnt how amazing it would be to jump into bed with them, more that I want to be close to them and I want them to be with me and share things with me and cuddle and stuff.
The way I have come to separate the 2 is that if I admire someone, as I do several of my friends, I want to spend time with them and all that but if they were to get into a relationship with someone my first reaction would be joy and happiness for them. If its attraction im feeling (like a crush) then my first feeling is like jealousy or sadness (even if they are straight and would never go out with me), obviously I am happy for them as well but the first feeling is a bit like I wish I was that person.

If you imagine the girl you like and imagine that you get real close and then maybe she went to kiss you, how would that make you feel?

 

For me, I fell in love with my best friend, when I first met her, I was like, OMG! She's beautiful. I've had crushes on girls since I was 6 years old. I was even in love with my teacher lol.


-How do I know if I'm staring at people because I want to look like them/can appreciate that they look good (platonically) or if I'm actually attracted to them?

I think once you get to know them and if their demeanor turns you off, it's safe to say that you are not attracted to them in that way. Plus, I can find a woman attractive but never look @her in that way of light

-How do I work out if I actually did have a crush on a boy or if I just convinced myself I did (after a friend asked and I lied)? Or if the crush I had on another boy was actually attraction and not just hero-worship.

Hey, even though I'm gay, I can still admit when I think a guy is cute, it doesn't mean I wanna sleep with him.

I feel like I should know the answer to those questions, but apparently I'm clueless.

Believe me, don't rush, it took me years to finally accept myself as a lesbian. There's no need to rush, just DO NOT deny your feelings.

Btw...I'm using my phone, it's difficult to quote you.