So i met this guy in college we´ve been almost a year in school, and i like him a lot. Now i don´t really know if i am simply wasting my time with him, i recently came out of the closet, and he is ¨straight¨ or not i dont know anymore. He knows im gay, and he knew i liked him, still we went to the movies alone, after the movie we spoke for like 2 hours, i felt there was so much tension like sometimes we were too close to each other and i felt as if he wanted me to kiss him, but i didn´t want to take that risk, so at the end of the conversation i tell him i like him and if he could like me. He answered ¨i dont know¨. Then we went to the station, (we go different ways) i was already in my subway, yet for some reason i went out to find him, he was waiting still for his bus and i told him ¨You need to tell me now YES OR NO¨ so he said ¨then no i can´t like you im sorry¨. After that we went again to the movies and again alone, twice... He does a lot of weird things, he looks into my eyes for long periods of time, sometimes i catch him staring at me and he looks away, i really like him A LOT. Then i think to myself is it worth the wait? do i even stand a chance? IF I KNEW I HAD A CHANCE I COULD WAIT FOR HIM LIKE 10 THOUSAND YEARS. But how do i even know if he is gay or bi if he verbally denies it? :bang: Sometimes i think that i am just overthinking it and he just really wants to be my friend...
he is a closet gay/bisexual it seems. he first said 'i dont know' but later after giving so many thoughts said that he can't like you. this happened because now he thinks you are in his pocket, he can have you any time he likes. ball is in his court now. if you want to have him as a BF then : my best advice would be to start ignoring him (dont stop wishing him or smiling at him), just give him hi and distance yourself from him. dont go to movies with him, dont text him, call him etc guys generally like what they can't have. be inaccessibly to him. this will be hard but you will have to do it for weeks or for months maybe. show him how happy you are without him and in the mean time he will come to term with his true self and would crave back to you seeing how he lost you. he will regret that he could have you and so many what-ifs will make him crazy for you. hopefully he will come running back to you and confess his love for you if you want to remain his friend then : act the way you guys were behaving before asking out. dont talk about the proposal and dont try to observe his behavior around you. it will make you mad. ignore anything that makes you feel he likes you. dont give too much thoughts to small things he does to you. dont try to interpret anything and take things as it is. but danger of you getting attracted to him again and again is much higher if you chose to be his friends and in the long run it will be extremely painful while if you take the 1st step i told then chances of you being with him is higher as he seemed to be gay/bi and even if he doesnt come to you, by the time you will realize you would have moved on in life. remember ignoring him will be very painful in the beginning but within few months you will fell much relaxed and confident.
You came out to him, AND you asked him if he would date you, to which he answered no. It doesn't matter whether or not he's gay/bi/straight, he's not going to date you. At least not at this point in time. That could mean that he's totally straight and only sees you as a friend, or maybe he's super closeted and doesn't want to risk anything. Either way, he's not dating you. You've given him the opening to come out to you/ask you out if he's interested, and he's not. Save yourself the heartache and make yourself move on. P.S. -> 2 guys can go to the movies together without it being a date, it's not unheard of.
Lol you see that is exactly the way i think, exteremely objective, yet when you like someone is hard not to think without emotions, if he hadn´t done many things, including answering to strange romantic lyrics i would of moved on already but it seems that everytime i reach that moment where i am like whatever i will just move on, he does something weird, is like everytime he makes a move i take a step back and viceversa. Is there any sucess stories around here? or does it always ends up the same way? Just move on...?
Sounds a little bit like someone I know. He actually admitted he's experimented with guys (well, he didn't actually say it... he half said it, i asked if that's what he meant and he said yes). But asking him outright... he says yes he's straight and no he's not bi. He also talked about how he has (had?) gay friends in high school. We hang out for hooooours sometimes just talking about all sorts of things. I've done all but flat out said to him I'm interested in him. I've hinted around it enough I think for him to get the idea. He is probably straight like he says.. just very open minded about having gay friends. But assuming he's not... nothing will ever happen between us unless he makes the next move. Not trying to distract from this thread, but here's a more in depth thread about him I posted if you want to read more: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/63701-about-friend.html
