Need Advice Please :)

Hello, Welcome to Empty Closets!

Thank you so much for accepting and loving your child. It means a lot to all of us to see accepting parents.

I think it would be better if you warned your child about the dangers of coming out, and let him decide if it's worth it or not. I think he's unlikely to come out to everyone right away. He's more likely to tell a close friend or two that he trusts. I think the best thing to do is to warn him of the possible danger, and let him make the judgments about which of his friends he can trust. If he can't share the truth about himself with anyone, he will feel like no one really knows him, and that will make him feel very isolated.

Having a big part of himself that he keeps secret will be very hard on him. It creates feelings of shame. So, one thing you might want to do right away is find a way for him to meet other gender variant children. It will make a big difference for him if he can be around people who will easily accept him for who he is.

From what I've read, boys like your son may grow up to identify as women, or as gay men. It will be best if you can be accepting of either possibility.

Find a therapist who specializes in transgender issues for him to talk to. A specialist will also be able to make a recommendation about if and when you need to start puberty delaying hormones. If your son is going to transition, it will be much more successful if his body is not as masculinized by puberty. The changes that happen during puberty can be irreversible, or reversible only through surgery. So until it's completely clear which gender he'll want to go through life as, it may be best to delay puberty altogether. For this reason, I really strongly recommend that you take him in to a therapist very soon.

A specialist will also be able to help you and your son to decide what's best in terms of coming out. Younger kids are often more accepting, actually, and certainly more open to education. If you are going to be staying in the same place as he grows up, it might be better for him to have friends that know this about him from the time he is young.

One thing the specialist will look at is how your son feels about his body. If having a male body causes him a lot of distress, that is a really strong indicator that he will need to transition physically.

Most importantly, create a safe environment in your home. I'll come back later today and give you some titles of books and things for kids that are about gay and transgender people. (I have to go to work now.)

 

I can just echo what Ianthe said, try and find someone who specialises in these things, there are transgendered members on this site who im sure would talk to you about their experiences and how they would have liked their parents to address things.

Just make sure he knows you love him regardless, that will help him a lot.

 

Again, I agree completely with Ianthe. I really commend you on how you handled the situation and how accepting you are, every child needs a parent like that! I agree that your son shouldn't tell the boy at school that he likes him, at that age all kids are confused about sexuality and mostly aren't accepting at all. I think he needs time to come to terms with it himself (although I'm surprised at the level of confidence he seems to have already) and as long as he has you and his father to talk to, he'll be fine. I'd have loved my parents to talk to me about things at that age.

Again, I really commend you and he's really lucky to have you as parent. Let him know that you love and support him and he should be fine. I wish you all the best!