Hi there, So I'm really unsure of my sexuality and like many people on here it sounds, it's eating away at me, making me depressed and really is something that I can't seem to nail down. It is something I always wondered about but never fully contemplated until very recently, partly due to never really having an interest in girls before. I'm 27 and only lost my virginity at 26 with my first girlfriend. I ended it because of my lack of interest in her (as well as sex) and truly fell in love with a girl that I would've died for. When it came to sex, again, it wasn't something I was really interested in or could accomplish physically (apologies if this is too much information), however I was very affectionate towards her like I've never been towards anyone before. I have since ended this relationship, something that was very difficult to do and now I'm looking to date again, however I'm not sure if I want to date a male or female! I'd appreciate if anyone else can relate to this? I'm not basing my assumption purely on this, but also because kissing a girl just doesn't and never has felt right. I have also had a strange interest in the male genitals and admired the male physique (if a guy has a muscular body, etc). I'd really appreciate some responses as at 27 it isn't a nice experience to be going through Thanks for any replies, Steven.
I would say you probably are. But, with that being put out there, I'd like to remind everyone that you (as well as everyone else here) are an individual. Labels are for boxes. Labels are for filing cabinets and folders. Labels Are Not For People. So don't let something as petty as a 'status' change how you feel about who you love. Whatever your decision, know that this community supports you 100%. Good Luck.
You might well be gay. Your comments about not being interested in sex or kissing a girl, combined with your interest in the male body point that way to me. You might also just not be very interested in sex, or possibly a combination of the two. Or I might be wrong! My favourite advice to give is to not worry too much about trying to pin yourself down. It's something I spent a lot of time trying to do, and when I look back on it, I feel like it was a big waste of time. Nowadays, I say that I am gay, but this is only because labels can sometimes be convenient tools. I guess the questions to ask are what you want/need out of a relationship, and who you think can provide you with it. Anyway, I hope this was of some vague help.
Yeah, if you're not interested in girls. Probably so. Although like the above said, you may not hot have much interest in sex at all. I agree that you shouldn't try too hard to work it out, just see how things go.
if you're asking if you are chances are you are. All I can say is there is no time clock on figuring out who you are. I came out in my mid-20's and had had relationships with women. It was until I had relationships with a man I knew it felt right. The people on this site really helped me get to that point.
^ I agree. If you have to ask about your sexuality, you are most likely not straight. Now that that little question's out of your way, it's time to figure out exactly what your sexuality is. Time to explore your sexuality. You've stepped out of your own closet. Your journey is open, now!
sometimes it is really hard to know! you could be bisexual even! but the thing is, even strait people look at their own gender in comparison and interest, so it doesnt have to me that you are anything but mildly curious.as for the kissing and sex not feeling right - some people are just not the physical type . all you need to do is sort out your opinions , wants , and desires.i know you will find your answer (!)
Yup, you are. (Call me.):roflmao: In all seriousness, you probably need to explore the gay side of relationships/sex before you know. Do you ever fantasize about guys?
You could be Asexual, I guess your really not going to know until you meet a guy and be sexual with him. If it feels right and you can perform without problems then perhaps you are gay. Do you look/watch gay porn and get aroused or get off? Does the same thing happen when you look/watch str8 porn? Do you find yourself looking at attractive guys walking down the street? Admiring guys in the shower at the gym? Fantasize to guys while you masturbate? Are you even sexual (masturbating) like that? Weather or not someone is gay or str8 is sometimes a little more complicated then others may realize. It could be a really easy decision for them but for you... it's not that simple. If the answers to these questions point more towards guys, then maybe you should try a gay relationship and see how you like it. But with that, go into the relationship knowing what you will and won't do and don't let anyone pressure you to do something your not comfortable with. And always play safe! Good luck and take care.
Thanks for all the great advice. That's really interesting about not giving yourself a label, as well as maybe being asexual or bisexual. I guess to explain it would be I can admire woman that dress well and where make up, but I don't have any sexual interest in them, or to pursue them for more than friendship. If I think about a guy sexually (or watch gay porn), I seem to rarely have a problem physically and it certainly feels like I would enjoy it more than with a woman but I guess I won't know until I'm in that situation. Thanks again, I'll be sure to keep browsing the forums.
Thinking someone looks nice is not the same thing as being attracted to that person. Knowing that someone is attractive is not the same as being attracted. If you have no sexual interest in women, well, then you have no sexual interest in women. Since you have pretty well established that you have sexual interest in men, that means you have sexual interest in men, but not in women. You don't have to use the word "gay" if it makes you uncomfortable. But don't be surprised if, when you say "I like men and not women," people tend to respond with, "So, you're gay, then?" Because that's how the word is used, usually. Being uncomfortable with the word that literally means the same thing as the way you describe your sexuality really means that you aren't comfortable with your sexuality itself yet. Which is fine, we've all been there. Identity is not an exact science. (I would refer to the word "gay" in this context as an identity, rather than a "label.") We all just choose the word that fits the best. And your sexuality is not everything about you. Identifying as gay (or bisexual, or what have you) does not confine you. It is merely the best description of those available, based on what you know. (To go back to the "labels on boxes" metaphor--even though I mostly don't like it--let us say you have a lot of boxes of stuff. You want to have an idea what is inside the boxes. You open one up, and see that it is mostly old photos. Therefore, you write "PHOTOS" on the outside of the box. This does not change everything in the box into a photo. There is still some other stuff in there. But it does give everyone a reasonable idea of what is MOSTLY in the box. And when you looked in, you saw what is in there, and if someone wants more detail, you can tell them: "Yeah, that box is mostly photos. There's also a couple of postcards from my aunt Emma, and some other personal letters, and a batman figurine--well, I don't know why that's in there, but I don't have another place for it." But by marking the box PHOTOS you give people a fairly accurate general idea of what's inside, what they can't see.) Adopting an identity is also not a lifetime commitment. Maybe you will learn something new about yourself in the future, and that's okay too.
You make some good points here. I feel like this post was a reaction to the "anti-label" posts at the top of the thread, which would include mine. I actually agree with nearly all of what you wrote. The only thing I worry about is when people spend agonising months/years trying to work out exactly what "label" or identity fits them best, whereas I think they should instead be open to all possibilities of who they can consider as romantic partners (and just as importantly: who they *can't*) - and allow an identity to form organically with time.
