Sooo, somewhat awkward question

...if he knows about you then id say do whatever floats your boats

if not i probably wouldn't

and jacking off together is uncommon but not unheard of, and i guess there could be a little bonding...

though with the messing around is probably not advised as you could get feelings and he wont return them. and thats not as common as the jacking off. and that is certainly not bonding thats just messing around with each other and he might be curious and wants to experiment

 

Hmm. Since you are out to friends, I'll assume that includes your best friend.

I am 32 years old, and I don't know if I feel completely comfortable actually encouraging you to have any kind of partnered sex at 15. I think you should really consider whether that is something you are really ready for.

Putting aside the question of whether you are ready to have this sort of experience at all, the question is whether it would be a good idea to do this with this particular guy in this situation.

I don't think your straight friend can possibly be totally straight. Kind of by definition. The fact that he brought it up means he has been thinking about it, and thinking about messing around with you is not a very "straight boy" thought process. But obviously, he is still identifying as straight. So, it might be a good idea to really think about what might be going on with him. Before you decide whether to mess around with him or not, you might want to talk about what brought this on--and also see if you can figure out how he might react once he realizes he's doing stuff that's kind of gay. If he's totally denying any feelings for guys, he might end up freaking out on you.

What exactly does he mean by "messing around," do you know? Before making any decisions, you want to have an idea what you are talking about. Rather than agreeing to something general, like "messing around," think clearly about what you are and are not willing to do with him at this point.

It's really important that you consider what you want sex to be about for you. Is it okay with you that this wouldn't be a romantic thing? Assuming this would be your first sexual experience with another person, is this what you want that to be like?

Also consider whether you feel good about any boundaries he wants to set. For example, how would it feel to be sexual with someone who will not kiss you? Are you comfortable with that?

And, as stumble along was saying--how sure are you that you can "mess around" without developing feelings for him?

So, basically, just think everything through before you make a decision.

(I think straight guys sometimes masturbate together, but usually while watching straight porn together--and I'm pretty sure actually touching each other is not usually part of it.)

---------- Post added 18th Jun 2012 at 11:56 PM ----------

This could be right, I suppose. I was never much of an "experimenter," personally. I still think that by definition, this moves a person out of "0" on the kinsey scale, but I don't think that it's necessarily anything that should be considered serious. Could still be only a "1"--"predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual." Still "straight" for all intents and purposes.

 

I want to echo most everything Ianthe said, as usual she is spot on. I also want to add my own two cents.

I think it is perfectly normal for straight boys to be curious about guys, and for gay boys to be curious about girls - especially around your age. So, this doesn't necessarily mean that your friend might be gay or bisexual. Being gay or bisexual doesn't really have anything to do with sex, it has to do with romantic attraction.

That's where my concern rests. It's certainly possible to have sex without emotional attachment developing, but this is your friend. These types of situations don't usually end well - even among adults.

You have to think about the consequences of what could happen, and how this might impact your relationship with him. What if he is questioning his sexuality? What happens if you "mess around" with him, and he discovers he likes it - then freaks out? What if he develops emotional attachments to you and you don't return them? What if, down the road, he starts to feel ashamed about what happened between the both of you and he begins to distance himself?

All of these things can happen. Sex changes relationships. Whether you like it or not, if you and your friend begin "messing around" it's going to change the dynamics of your friendship.

I'm not saying, "No, don't do it." I'm saying, like others, "Take some time to think about this long and hard." Once you cross this bridge there is no going back.

Also, since it hasn't been stated already, if you do decide to "mess around" with him and things are going to progress beyond mutual masturbation... particularly toward anal sex... you need to use protection. Yes, he might claim to be a virgin, but you don't know that for certain. And even if he is you should still get into the habit of safe sex practices.

If you have questions about safe sex, post here and I (or someone else) will answer them.

 

^^I came back to this thread specifically because I wanted to mention this possibility.

Yes.

I think I was not imagining that anyone could possibly dismiss anal sex as "messing around," but of course, they could.

One wonders what would qualify as "real sex" in that case.

 

You have gotten some really good advice, so I'll just say to follow your gut. If you think that it won't affect your relationship and you are comfortable with it, then go for it. Do keep in mind everything that people have posted.

I personally did quite a bit of experimenting with my friends when I was younger. It was mostly just jacking off to porn like Ianthe said, but some did take it farther than that.

Just be careful and enjoy

 

Having been a teenage guy once, my thinking was along these lines:

"Do you want to masturbate together? I've never seen another guy masturbate."

"Can I touch it?"

"Do you want to touch mine?"

"OMG. You put it in your mouth!?"

"Turn over and lay face down. I've heard that you need some type of lube for this."

That's pretty much how these things can go. I lost my virginity at an age younger than our friend here, and it all started with a game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Teenage hormones are tricky things, especially for guys. There is usually only blood enough in the body for one head to be fully functioning at a time. :icon_razz

 

Yes you are quite right. By the situation its going to escalate to that manner eventually, and by that imean it may start to look like aldricks dialog. so I guess just do what you are comfortable doing. You are in for either a very fun or very awkward time if you decide to go.

And don't forget even if hes your best friend you set the boundaries on what you do, if you dont want to have sex with him, don't, if he asks, say no, if you change your mind, then good luck.

Best of luck to you

 

Okay, so we've got the concept that you want to mess around with your best friend. Perhaps without the intention of not having sex (keep that in mind if you do decide to do this).

Just remember that being a friend or a best friend with someone is: always being there, picking them up when they fall, laugh, crying, getting into trouble and laying back and having a good time.

Now, lets say that you decide to mess around with your best friend and he decides he wants to also. This changes your relationship whether you want to admit it or not. Somewhere in the vast endless space of the label 'friendship' you and him are now slightly shifted.

It could make a turn for the worst or a turn for the best. But it could also become awkward. I would suggest thinking about what you would do if this 'experiment' turned bad and if you and him were no longer friends at all.

 

Don't let them pressure you into doing anything you aren't comfortable with. Definitely don't allow them to be like, "Well, you're gay, dude, so obviously you should want to blow me while I lay here and don't reciprocate in any way, because, you know, I'm not gay."

If you do the porn and masturbating thing, be clear what the boundaries are before you start. Make sure you are all on the same page about what is and isn't going to happen. Don't wait to make that clear until you are all in the middle of things.

 

I think you're right to be concerned. You have to have some considerable self-control to not go further, especially if you find him attractive and sexually desirable. I mean, just picture the situation.

You're both masturbating. You're horny. He's horny. You're probably turned on by what you're both doing even if he isn't. You have an instinctual desire to go further than what you're currently doing, and then your friend asks you to go further.

Now, not only do you have to overcome your own desires, but you also have to go against the wishes of your friend which align with what you want. This is an incredibly difficult thing to do.

Often in these types of situations (even adults - this is not a teenage thing!) people go further than they intended. Then after the fact, they start to have regrets. In a relationship it can manifest as, "Oh no! I wanted to wait. What have I done?" In a situation like this it can manifest as, "Oh no, I've just given my best friend a blow job!"

Now, from my adult perspective, even a circle jerk counts as sex. My general rule is that if someone masturbated to you (with your consent and knowledge), or masturbated with you (even if there is no touching), then you've had sex. This is why in a relationship this still counts as cheating. It's just a matter of how far you're willing to go with someone sexually, it might start with masturbation, but it doesn't mean it's going to end with masturbation.

Ianthe is right. If you do plan to go through with this, be upfront about your intentions. Make it clear that you have no intention of going further than masturbation. Of course, that still doesn't mean your friend might not pressure you to go further anyway.

And it always needs to be said in situations like this - there is nothing wrong with saying "No." You have a right to set boundaries that you are comfortable with, and even tell your friend that you're not interested in going further even if he himself is interested. You have a right to demand that he respect your wishes, and if he tries to pressure you then he's showing a lack of respect for what your comfortable with doing.

 

The most me and my best friend have done is kissing (just a peck) on the lips and 'spooning'. I would rule out us going any further with that though, he's pretty open with things. The thing I would never do is assume that he's gay or questioning because that could just go so badly. He often jokingly tries to hold hands and touches guys bottoms, but I'm pretty sure he's straight. I generally don't believe a gay guy who was in the closet would joke about their sexuality.

In your situation I believe there is a chance that he has some same-sex attractions since he brought it up so bluntly, but assume he is straight until he says otherwise. If you both want to masturbate with each other, go for it. It's a completely natural thing that guys and girls do on a daily basis, I don't see why doing it together would make much difference. I guess the only problem that could arise is that you could maybe get sexually attached to this guy after such a close form of bonding.

 

I've never really been friends with boys, but there was one guy when I was 14ish that I met and became friends with. The friendship has since ended completely. He thoroughly enjoyed talking about sex with me and oftentimes began conversations about personal... sexual things. I wasn't out to him (and he still doesn't know) and he would often talk about mutual masturbation. One time, I went to his for a sleepover, and once his parents went to sleep, he turned on porn and wanted to jack off with me. Not jack me off, but just do it together. I said no, however, because I was under the impression he might be bicurious and I didn't really want to get involved in it.
Essentially, if you don't think he's going to turn around and try and "get with you" then go for it.

 

My concern, as others have pointed out, is that he maybe sees non-solo masturbation as a recreational activity but you may have a more "emotional bonding" view of it. Or as you guys get into your "session" you suddenly lose interest in the porn and start to fixate on your buddy and he notices. Thiink it through while you got a good blood supply to your brain and have protection available no matter how much you think "you won't go that far".

 

Oh, there is one more thing that just came to my mind. I don't know what you and your friends do when you're alone, but if it involves drinking then you need to remember that booze impairs your judgement.

That's something you're definitely going to want to think about before hand. Also, as awesomeyodais said, even if you don't plan on going any further than masturbation you should take protection just in case.

 

yeah i agree take protection just in case but dont let him know because if nothing does happen and they see you with a condom its going to get really awkward, along the lines of they might think you were getting a little something else that night and they could get a little spooked.

 

Euh... In my opinion, that was rather a weird moment you had, but just be grateful that he is Very accepting.

 

It doesn't have to be that way. You guys can set limits. I mean you're still young (i know you hate that word). There is no need to rush things. So setting up some do's and don't s are essential, like only wanking together or wanking one another, but nothing else.

Besides, it's also a learning experience for you both. I mean, you might have a certain way you do it, which he doesn't know about, so if you show him, he may even show you other tricks he discovered. It's a perfectly normal growing experience and even some straight guys goes through that. It's not to say they are even curious, but it's like growing up and exploring your body, what works for you and what doesn't.

---------- Post added 21st Jun 2012 at 11:11 AM ----------

It doesn't have to be that way. You guys can set limits. I mean you're still young (i know you hate that word). There is no need to rush things. So setting up some do's and don't s are essential, like only wanking together or wanking one another, but nothing else.

Besides, it's also a learning experience for you both. I mean, you might have a certain way you do it, which he doesn't know about, so if you show him, he may even show you other tricks he discovered. It's a perfectly normal growing experience and even some straight guys goes through that. It's not to say they are even curious, but it's like growing up and exploring your body, what works for you and what doesn't.