A friend and I in school have recently (more like an hour ago) admitted some feelings for each other. We are both girls. From what she's told me, she's about as confused as being attracted to a fellow female as I am. I don't want to pressure her into anything, either. She already has a few rumors circulating about her at school and we've sworn this into secrecy at school for that reason. We've also picked an inopportune time to admit feelings because I might not see her for the rest of my life starting next week. Both times I've been to her house we've ended up reading yaoi together and I've snuggled up to her in a bed a few times, and this is all pre-admitting. Only a few days ago I told her I might be bi so I think that helped coax the confession from her. We're both very, very confused and I was just wondering if I could get advice so that I'd be able to help both her and myself through this confusing time, since I have no idea how to approach it.
Because you might not see her ever again, would you be willing to experiment with her? Figuring out this type of stuff isn't easy but after a certain amount of time and thought, things start to become more clear.... I was confused for a long time, about a year...
I would totally be willing to experiment with her since it would be very improbable that we'd be able to keep a relationship up over the internet in my opinion. I can't speak for her, however, and I'm worried that I'd hurt her if I even mentioned 'just experimenting' like I'd be using her or something. The last thing I'd want to do is hurt her, because all in all, she's my friend and I care about her. I just hope, maybe not everything, but enough will become clear to me sometime in the forseeable future. Might it also help to say that we're in our early teens?
I wouldn't recommend keeping a long distance internet and secret relationship ever, especially to someone your age. I don't know if it would necessarily hurt, but I most likely have a completely different perspective. For me, before I was sure I was gay (I used to just think I was straight, and I gradually eliminated the idea that I like girls as I realized I like guys), I would have felt more comfortable being sure of myself if I could try experimenting with someone even not seriously. What I'm saying is that she probably totally understands your situation if you and she may be wondering the same thing. But I also see the flip side of this maybe not working for a couple reasons. You don't want to ruin a friendship over anything like this, and there is a chance she wants an actual relationship, which again I think is a bad idea if she is not going to be around. Secondly, I'm guessing that you are still in middle school. Because rumors are already spreading about her, it probably would be difficult to handle something getting out of hand if someone found out anything about this. People that age group especially take rumors and they tweak them like the game of "telephone". So if you did choose to try experimenting, I would be careful. There are many more ways to find out about yourself without experimenting, and it really will take some time almost definitely. I hit the realization when I realized that I would never even want to try and be in a relationship with a girl. This took me awhile to realize and think about, and I spent a greater part of my sophomore year in high school realizing this and accepting myself. Hanging around here on EC, there are many people on here with similar questions trying to figure themselves out. Reading some threads on that may also be helpful and even starting your own like you did as much as you'd like. Looking back, I wish I was on EC as I was trying to figure out myself earlier in my life, so I highly recommend it! Welcome:icon_bigg
Hi, welcome to Empty Closets! What exactly did you want advice about? Whether to come out? How to come out if you want to? Coming out to yourself (i.e. recognizing your sexuality)? For some reason this thread became about sexual experimentation--you didn't originally bring that up, so I'm not sure why. I'm also not sure exactly what we're talking about regarding that. It's sort of vague. If you do talk to her about experimenting, be really specific about what you mean. My observation has been that when people jump into sexual activity in order to try to determine their sexual orientation, that it doesn't help anything. They usually just end up more confused. The thing is, whether a sexual experience is good or bad is not determined only, or even mainly, by your sexual orientation. There are a whole lot of other factors. If you jump into something you aren't really ready for, it will be uncomfortable and awkward. It will not tell you anything. On the other hand, you could also experience a lot of pleasure having sex with someone that you aren't actually attracted to and don't have feelings for--it feels good, physically. Either of these experiences will only make you more confused. What will tell you something, is letting your feelings develop naturally, and taking things in their natural course. Based on where you and your friend are now, I think the next natural thing would probably be kissing and holding hands, more cuddling, and possibly necking (kissing each other on the face and neck). I think if you skip that part and go directly to full nudity and genital contact, it's just going to be weird and awkward and uncomfortable. But your feelings while doing the next natural thing that you are comfortable with will tell you a lot more. Maybe you could kiss her. Have you ever kissed anyone?
