Hi all, So, I was dating my boyfriend of 7 years and this past January, I got very drunk and made out with another woman (I'm 30) - it's not like I didn't know what I was doing so not making an excuse but what that led me to is realizing I liked it way more than curiosity. I had never kissed a girl before and I told my boyfriend, swore it was just a dumb mistake and wouldn't happen again which I fully believed. I mean I loved my boyfriend and I always imagined we'd spend our lives together. From there things got worse, I began drinking to cope with things. I ended up making out with another girl to make sure these feelings were real and they were. Then I started counseling and realized I couldn't stay with my boyfriend as much as I loved him b/c cheating meant there was something missing and so I prepared for the big talk and was heart broken for months but I knew if I didn't explore this it would only keep happening. The week I broke up with him I met someone and am now with her. We spend every day together, and it feels completely natural but as time passes I miss my boyfriend and feel a great sense of loss and sadness that we're not together. I can't figure out how I miss him, if it's the ease of it or because my heart wants him. The thing is sexually I am way more satisfied with my girlfriend and feel more open and affectionate than I ever did with him. But I still loved him very very much and don't know how to sort through all of this. I think I still do, but I'm also in love with her and they are two completely different feelings that I just can't make sense of. He doesn't know I am in a relationship and I'm not ready to tell him, but we do remain friends. I miss having him around but I can't figure out if that's as a friend or as a boyfriend. My biggest thing is I blame myself for cheating b/c I would have never realized this about myself but then how out of touch was I to NOT know this. To NOT know I could be a lesbian..... Any advice would be amazing, I just don't want to admit or believe this is true about myself and I wish things could go back to how they were, but I know they cant
your heart is a strange strange thing - you never know you may only love the love in the relationship with him. its a good thing you figured out that you have feelings for women, how could you go living life and not know? what if you MARRIED THE GUY and then met the gurl ( that could get messy) just let life happen and enjoy the little things- it will be okay.
Hey I think its probably all a bit fresh and raw still, you say you only broke up with him this week so just give yourself a bit of time and space.
yep, and in time you could find you are bi, and either person you can love, just differently. best wishes!
Any advice? what I can think of is that you didn't stay single long enough. Being alone a while after a relationship is needed in order for you to remember that you're independent, happy alone by yourself because you love yourself too. If you're not happy by yourself and that's what drives you to be in a relationship I believe that you will have to resolve your issues while being in a relationship, which, as you could see, isn't good for your relationship. So if I were you I'd just try to take some time to figure things out alone.
Even after a couple of months its still quite fresh, it was a 7 year relationship you got out of. You could try taking a break from your current relationship to get a bit of space and alone time. It could also be that it is a girl you want to be with (thats why sexually its better) but that the girl you are currently going out with isnt the right girl and thats why you miss your boyfriend.
