all i want to do is cry...

That sounds really difficult!!
imnreally sorry! I wish I had the answer for you
but really only you have it.
You define you, whether gay, straight, bi etc.
Feelings and emotions are hard to figure out sometimes
It may take time, but you'll get there!

 

Hey Katie, Welcome to EC. (*hug*)

Don't worry. Things are going to be okay, everyone who is gay, lesbian, or bi goes through these types of things at one point or another. Let me see if I can help you.

First of all, having a gay friend doesn't make you gay. Trust me when I say, I wish it were that easy, but it's not. It's something you're born with, though some people - particularly women - discover it later than others.

Second, it's normal to be scared and afraid. I knew I was different before I even knew what gay was, and when I learned what gay was I knew I was "one of them" instantly. There was no doubt in my mind. I just didn't have a word for what I was feeling. I spent years trying to deny it, trying to change myself, and as a result I couldn't picture my future with a man. Hell, I never even saw two guys kiss before I saw it in porn, and my reaction was both to be slightly disgusted (as culturally speaking - I was taught to be disgusted by guys kissing), but I was also aroused and turned on by the idea of being kissed by a guy. It was very confusing! It felt like my nature was telling me to do one thing, and everything that I had been taught growing up was telling me to do another. This is normal.

Third, sexuality isn't always black and white. It's complicated, though people like to put it in a box. No one can tell you that you're gay, straight, or bisexual - only you can figure that out for yourself.

Fourth, being gay isn't about sex no more than being straight is about sex. It's about romantic love - it's about the feelings you develop. Sexual relationships naturally develop among gay people, like among straight people, as an extension of those feelings.

Fifth, my guess is that this girl you've met sounds very butch. Her androgynous nature probably allowed your mind to feel "safe", and from there you started to explore your feelings. In that exploration you discovered something you might have been suppressing.

Sixth, you're going to be fine - I promise. There is nothing wrong with you. What you are feeling and experiencing is both natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with it, and it doesn't make you bad.

Seventh, you don't need to have sex with a girl to know that you like girls. Just as a straight boy doesn't need to have sex with a girl to know that he likes them.

Eighth, you don't have to worry about dating girls until you're ready to date girls - if ever! No one can or should force you to do anything you're not comfortable with doing.

My advice is to seek out a good therapist. Someone you can open up to and really speak honestly with, and if you feel comfortable doing it you might even want to bring up the topic with your friend. Since she is a lesbian, she has likely gone through everything you're going through. There is no reason you have to go through it alone.

 

I know exactly how you feel Katie. I've been in your shoes. You're not alone, as I said virtually every LGBT person goes through feelings like this - likely also including your lesbian friend.

The best thing to do is talk about it. In my case, I like to write down my thoughts because it helps to clarify them. The worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings and try to suppress them. They'll find a way to get out eventually, and it will start to impact your relationships with other people. You could, for example, become withdrawn, or become short-tempered and start to feel as if every little thing gets under your skin - constantly angry.

I've gone through both of those things, personally.

No one can tell you how you feel, and there is no right or wrong answer. Sometimes sexuality is complicated, and so many people go through a questioning phase like your going through right now.

What's important to remember is that you aren't alone. I suggest that you keep posting here, try to write down what you're feeling and experiencing, and give yourself permission to feel and experience it. Don't beat yourself up. I know that's easier said than done, but it's important to try and make an effort to love yourself no matter what conclusions that you come too. Because, in the end, like I said - there is no right or wrong answer - you're healthy and normal either way.

 

Hello Katie! Let me start this off by saying I understand exactly how your feeling.

When I first admitted to myself that I was attracted to women was a little over 3 years ago. I met a woman I worked with and it kinda hit me like a ton of bricks! She was also very butch so I of course tried to justify it to myself that "oh she's just very masculine". It wasn't till about a year later that I came out.

Now of course I like many others went thru the phase of nope it isn't possible, I've always dated men! Which led me to did I enjoy dating men? To finally saying I'm attracted to women, I'm going to explore these feelings and see where it leads me.

I guess my point to all this is that when the time is right for you, you will figure things out and you will know what's best! There is no right or wrong answer to any of this, life isn't just black and white, no two people are the same. You will figure it all out in time. In the mean time come to EC and talk with all of us lovely people, were kinda a friendly bunch and have a lot of the same struggles in common.