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Friends in denial?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CrucioPureblood, Jun 20, 2012.

  1. CrucioPureblood

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    So me and a friend had a very in-depth conversation yesterday, and something he said shocked me, and actually hurt, coming from him. We were discussing the fact that I'm trans and that I've been kind of depressed lately. I explained how I felt, and afterwards he told me "Just try and forget about it for a while, it'll probably go away." :bang:

    Now, to me, that sounds like he doesn't really accept me, or that he's in denial. Maybe both. It could even have to do with the fact that he has a bit of a crush on me, even thought he identifies as straight. I can understand him being confused or upset, but I don't see that as a reason for him to be like that.

    Has anyone experienced something similar to this? Maybe a family member or a friend who doesn't quite understand or accept you? How are you supposed to handle it? :confused:

    Please help!
     
  2. If he is as young as you are, then I think he just needs some time to understand all of it. I don't think you should feel sad about it. If somebody had come to be when when I was 14 and told me that he was transgender, I don't think I would know what to say.
     
  3. CrucioPureblood

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    How much time though? :/ because, at first, he was at a loss for words, and felt a little awkward around me, but that was about 6 months ago, and I thought that he would've come to terms with it by now? :shrug:
     
  4. Lexington

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    If you go to any random person - of any age - and start talking to them about your transsexuality, chances are they won't know what to say. Most people know roughly jack about it, and they comprehend the issues around roughly the same amount. But when somebody comes up and starts telling them about the problems they have, they feel the need to give some advice - even if that advice is coming from a place of no information whatsoever.

    When I was going through my first period of depression, I talked to my brother about it a bit. And he gave some really horrible advice. :slight_smile: Not because he wanted to, but because he really didn't know any better. He was fumbling around trying to make me feel better, and instead sort of suggested it'd all be better if I thought positively (and maybe stopped being gay). This doesn't make him a bad person - it just makes him a horrible person to go (at age 23) when you need advice.

    Your friend isn't terrible. He doesn't necessarily think your trans issues are totally fleeting. He just doesn't get it really. He can't. He was probably just trying to make you feel better, and, like my brother, he swung and missed big time on that one. (Sorry for the baseball metaphor, Brit.)

    Lex
     
  5. CrucioPureblood

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    That actually makes sense, thank you. I just felt that he didn't accept me, but your explanation of the problem seems much more likely. I suppose I'll just have to learn to take that kind of advice lightly from now on. Thank you! (*hug*)