Right I'll make this short and sweet if possible as i need clarification on my sexuality! Few year ago me and close (girl) friend got quite friendly and we started to experiment sexually with eachother. This went on for under two years, we told no one and secretly started being girlfriend and girlfriend. I pretty much fell in love with her but she said she thought it was ruining our friendship so called it off. Things went back to normal but we sometimes still messed around. She met a boy and started dating him few months back, she told me she could never with a girl she was just curious and i jealous and devastated. As i didn't want it to end. Since we broke up 10months ago ive been thinking if im gay or not. I hate when boys chat me up on nights out. I THINK i look at boys more in a friend way. After being with her i can see myself more being with a girl like that. I have had mini crushes on girls i work with who aren't gay. Im so confused, thinking sexually about a girl gets me horny i could be with a girl and be comfortable since i know i could since being with her. I think more about girls than boys and being with a girl seems better. But then i say i couldn't go to gay bars and i don't like girls who dress manly. What am i help what to do!!!!
Calm down. Take a nice deep breath or two. The man-ish clothes are just a stereotype for lesbien. The same for liking straight women. You don't have to wear certain types of clothes or like a certain type of person to be considered a lesbien. This might help clear things up s bit: I personally don't believe the titles "gay" "straight" and "bisexual" are all that there is to choose from. Think of it more as a sliding graph. Gay is 100% liking the same sex (girls, in this case) Straight is 100% liking the opposite sex, and Bisexual is an even 50/50. You can be anywhere on that graph; whether you choose a title or not, that's all up to you. If you like women, that's quite alright. The same goes for if you like men. Or if you like both. But you don't need to live up to any standard or fit any stereotype. Just be yourself. I really hope that helped a bit.
Yeah i know it is all just stereotypes, im 18 and want to know what to do with this situation as i don't know where i stand and its started to consume my life.. I just want to know what i am and i understand ot can be on a scale, what do you think i am gay or straight one more than other i with i could just be told what i was no questions asked, i think i could be lesbian but i need genuine clarity!
I understand that. Honestly I do. I can't be the one to tell you. That is with you and you alone. I'm sorry. I promise I'll help any way I can, but deep down, it's you who decides who you are. Of you're attracted to women, then you're not 100% straight. You could be bi, you could be a lesbian. Or you could just be curious. Don't let it consume you. You are what you are. Live your life and who you like is who you like. I'm sorry I can't say much more. Be strong. I know it's hard, but don't let it consume you. ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2012 at 01:42 PM ---------- *If, not of
I know you're right and it is only me who can decide, if i wast so scared about how much harder its going to make life and how i don't think i could go to gay bars and if i wasn't so scared for peoples reactions id honestly say i was a lesbian, i just don't want to come out then realise i like a boy :/ i love girls though do you mind my asking how you realised you were gay as it says in yourdescription box
Well, it was back in 6th grade or so when I started noticing I had feelings for other guys. I didnt want to believe it at first. I didnt want to be gay. I went through the next year or so trying to cast off those thoughts.Then, just before 9th grade, i just let them happen. I decided if i like guys, then so be it. Two years after that, about to go into 11th grade, I still have those feelings, only I accept them, as opposed to rejecting them. ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2012 at 02:19 PM ---------- As a reply to your message, gay bars are just another stereotype. Don't let that be a deciding factor. As for life, you will get people who oppose you, that's just life. But you'll find people that'll accept you for you. Who knows, you may even find the perfect girl. (; I know you'll definitely find support in close friends. You have support with me, I promise you that. And all through Empty Closets, you'll find support. 99.99999% of the people here, at least I think, know what you're going through. It'll all work out. I promise.
This is the truth. You know what you really want. It is only fear that is confusing you. If you wait for certainty that you will never like a guy, it will never come. The future is always unknowable. If you came out and then liked a guy, that would be surprising, and you can just explain to people that it was a surprise for you, too. You already know, your mind is just rebelling against the truth. Your feelings are plain, you only wish they were different. Your confusion isn't really confusion, it's a form of denial. There is nothing in anything you have said to indicate that you like guys.
I agree with the above posts. Also, you said you if you weren't scared of reactions, you'd probably identify as lesbian. That was my issue too (but not lesbian, lol), before I actually started thinking things through-- hey, all these people got my back, it didn't start to matter anymore to me. It takes time to come to terms with your sexuality, and facing that stigma you expect is what a lot of people fear. Before you can accept yourself, you gotta get rid of your own stigma in your own head, and if you think things through, you'll know what's up.
I agree with the posts above as well. As Anthony Rapp said, "Labels are for cans, not people." One of my friends identifies as queer because she is a lesbian but is open to having relationships with men. I stuck a label on myself for a general sense of clarity (bisexual), but I don't think of myself that way (as in, I just go with the flow). You don't have to be boxed in by what you publicly identify as. As a very femme non-straight person, I've felt that way before as well about the butch factor. As said above, it's a stereotype. I think if you go to one of those bars (go with a friend or two!) you'll discover that it will be quite different from what you expect. I don't know where you're from, but you'll probably see a lot of different people (as with any bar).
