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Is he being overly friendly or hinting at me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mercuree, Jun 21, 2012.

  1. Mercuree

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    Hi guys,

    This is only my second post on here. I am sure that this topic has been covered before but I did not feel like hijacking someone's post.

    Basically I am still totally in the closet (although I only just recently climbed in there :dry:slight_smile:. I have come out to two people who I know understand.

    There is this guy that I once worked with briefly and got along really well with - we keep in touch on FB and he keeps dropping hints in a joking manner that I am sure are signals but I can't really tell. I am now wondering,
    • Is he hinting?
    • Does he suspect I'm gay and is messing with me (unlikely)
    • Or, is he just fooling around?

    I have been rather attracted to him since we met and always spark up conversation. He will often joke like "We should go out sometime dude like on a date..." and as my heart starts pounding and whatnot I get "Hahah I'm just messing with you hahah". Or there is the time I commented on how wearing his hair longer suited him and he goes "I know, its totally gorgeous right?".

    Now AFAIK he is straight but those kind of messages just make me wonder. I want to try and hint at the fact that I am into him, but am not sure how to go about doing so without messing things up.

    We have often arranged to meet up but then not been able to do so, so I am thinking that telling him over FB might be the best bet.

    I am not so scared of rejection as I am of losing the chance to keep in touch with him as we do have some great conversations and stuff. So I just wanna figure out how to hint back, without giving myself away until I can be pretty sure that he is/isn't gay.

    Any suggestions?

    All that aside, I am glad to have found this forum and hope to make some new friends on here. I see there are some South African peeps on here which is awesome! :icon_bigg
     
  2. LaplaceScramble

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    Well, as much as I think everything you hear on here you should take with a grain of salt, it does sound like he is flirting with you. Though whether he is actually flirting/hinting or just joking around, I couldn't really say (simply because only you know how he says what he says).
    There are some simple ways of hinting, such as through conversation and (when it's related to the topic) finding out how he feels about this group of people or that; not necesssarily simgling yourself out, but making it seem like you want to know in general. If you do tell him, I think that you should make a point out of telling him in person, simply because it makes it more personal, which will make his response to you even a little bit friendlier (I'm saying that because he doesn't sound like someone who would over-react even if he didn't return your feelings).
     
  3. Mercuree

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    Thanks for the reply. I get what you are saying. Although I also do not really know him that well personally (i.e. his likes and dislikes and stuff), we have mostly only discussed common interests etc rather than individual details, so the whole bit about how he says stuff is a bit beyond me too. You are right about the over-reacting though. I get the feeling that he would be ok with it either way, but I'm just too scared to take the chance. Waht you say about the questioning makes sense though. Ill give it a bash :grin:
     
  4. LaplaceScramble

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    Glad that I could be of assistance. ~Slainte
     
  5. xXPsychedelicXx

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    Bi to Canada's advice is great. Question him a bit, find out how he feels about the LGBTQ community, and if you feel comfortable enough, come out to him. Sounds like he'll be accepting, whether he returns your feelings or not.

    Good luck! :thumbsup:

    Also - a fellow South African! Hello! :smilewave
     
  6. Mercuree

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    Thanks guys. Hello back at you. :slight_smile: :wave: Where on earth did you find sunshine? All I got is rain! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. LaurieAnderson

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    Friendly people are going to flirt with their friends -- it's fun, and flirting can be 100% non sexual. This can be occasionally frustrating, such as in your case.

    I think whether or not he likes you in that way will mostly be communicated non verbally. When he looks at you, do you sense something? Does he break touch barriers he doesn't break with others? Have you felt sexual tension, or felt a moment of deep seemingly mutual attraction in any moments together?

    Maybe he'll give you some hints, maybe he won't. Of course, as others have noted, the best course of action might just to be to buck up some courage and ask if he likes you, or to tell him of your own interest. This might be the hardest thing to do -- but think about it, you could be netting yourself a kiss from this boy very soon if you're brave!
     
  8. thylvin

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    Great advice is already give, I'll just add this though, it is always the way he says it by voice, but also his body language.

    Oh ya, and hi there neighbours from sunny cold windhoek!
     
  9. Mercuree

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    Thanks guys. Very true words. I am going to try meet up with him this weekend and will take it from there :slight_smile:
     
  10. Mercuree

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    GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! So I'm busy talking to this guy on FB, and for a second the way he worded his post it sounded like he was saying he wanted too hook up with a guy. I got so excited. When I questioned this, turns out it was a punctuation mistake. Or so he says.. I just said "Ok. wouldn't have bothered me if that was what you were saying, I was just surprised." Then he follows that up shortly after with a gay reference. I am almost sure he is hinting now. I just cant get up the courage to just ask him!! :frowning2: I realise that I am starting to sound a bit like a teenager. Rofl. I wonder if this is because I never really experienced these feelings alot as a teenager?

    ---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2012 at 11:05 AM ----------

    Ha! So I threw his reference back at him! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Let the match begin...
     
  11. LaplaceScramble

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    Well for the sake of helping you, if it wasn't anything personal, what did he say that got you so excited?
     
  12. thylvin

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    Even if you are 60 years old and you find true love, you'll behave like a teenager. I think its that whole "fallen In love, butterflies in the stomach" that makes us behave like this. It's like we've discovered love for the first time.
     
  13. Mercuree

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    <HIM> hahah just in case;D I'm hoping to get laid tonight by some (twonnamehere) strange dude hahahah

    <ME> Hahahah roflmao!
    did you say strange dude as in a guy?
    Ive never subscribed to the idea of anon sex lol, but then again I have never been in a situation where it was readily available either..
    <HIM> What naught hahah just some hot random chick I call it (townnamehere) strange, or if its in (othertown) its (othertown) strange and if she's here on holiday its holiday strange:grin: hahah

    <ME> Ah ok. Lol. You should be more careful with your punctuation. Might give people the worng idea Not that it wouldve bothered me, I was just surprised.

    <HIM> Hahah ok dude:slight_smile: so what's happening at the party tonight? You guys gonna get pissed and tear up the dance floor?:grin:
    That's my plan hahah I'm gonna go michel jackson on (venuename) ass:wink:
    Not the gay lil boy ass the dancfloors ass hahah

    ---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2012 at 11:28 AM ----------

    @Bi to Canada - That's pretty much it. My throwback of the hint was:
    <ME> Ah ok. I'm wondering if I shouldnt try come through there after the party. Ill come go all michael jackson with you lol

    to which I got a pretty generic response. So I dunno...
     
  14. LaplaceScramble

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    Ah...well then yes, I can see where the confusion might be coming from...oddly enough though, I had a similiar conversation (as far as the way your friend is talking) with a friend of mine who's orientation I was questioning at the time. All I did was ask him something along the lines of "Ok, with what you said, I can't help but wonder, are you bi?" To which my friend responded with a bit of shyness, some long conversation, and finally saying that she didn't know what her label was, but she wasn't straight.

    So...well hopefully that helps hahah
     
  15. Mercuree

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    That's what I thought my best course of action might be. But I dunno.. My worry is that he gets all macho and defensive or something.
     
  16. LaplaceScramble

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    Well, like you were saying before, you don't know him extremely intimately soo...well ya..not really sure.....you can always get him really drunk and then ask? I know when people are drunk or high they're more loose-lipped....but in the end it's really down to there being an infinite number of ways it could turn out.
     
  17. Mercuree

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    Yeh. I think just chilling with him in person is probably a good start. Trying to read someone over FB is generally a lost cause eh? :slight_smile:
     
  18. LaplaceScramble

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    Ooooh, right, I forgot you've done most of your talking over facebook hahah.

    Though from my experience if you talk to someone a lot over facebook, it's because you want to talk to them :icon_wink
     
  19. Mercuree

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    My thoughts exactly! That's why I'm so confused. Our chats generally go beyond the normal FB chat session..
     
  20. LaplaceScramble

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    Who starts the conversations more? And who is the one that ends them the most?