1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

coming to terms with being Gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by spud, Jun 21, 2012.

  1. spud

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2012
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midlands UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi Guy & Girls new to the site and just looking around the forum and there sounds like there are some great supportive people out here, as it my first post it may be a bite long but not shore ware to start it so here goes.

    So this I would say is the first step for me in coming to terms with myself as Gay and very lonely.

    Lonely as in love and denial I have a great family and some great friends so not looking for pity or anything just some good people to talk to who may know what I’m going through at this time. As I go through this next part of my life and hopefully to be the best part of my life to come. For I fill I have missed out on so much because of hiding my sexuality not only from the world but more importantly from myself. I’m still finding it very hard to come to terms with it myself as I have lived a life trying so hard not to believe that I am sexually attracted to males and not females this has made my life a living hell.

    I’m 46 years old and have had a great life to date, apart from the I can’t be Gay I don’t want to be Gay how can I live like this, it is pulling me apart.

    Well growing up Gay where I lived when I was young was just not an option for me both when I was in school or when I moved on to working world and social life.

    Even today at work in the office I’m not shore they know what they are saying but some of the remarks that are made are just so degrading. I end up leveeing the office or go outside to have a smoke. Don’t get me wrong if they knew that I was Gay I’m not shore what would happen or be said. I think that because they are good people in there hart they would just drop that kind of talk and we would get on but that I’m not 100% shore and it scares the hell out of me.

    So as for coming out I just don’t know where to start spoke to mum some weeks ago and the answer was your not gay your just going throw a bad time, Get over it.

    Well this is the start of my post not shore how it well go at this time as not a great one for righting or talking but I’m shore there are others out there that have been in the same boat as me, but I have stood on the edge of the cliff so many times and wish to just jump and end it all.

    No don’t worry I’m stronger than that and no I can’t jump so now I have to find the right way in life for me. And as they say it good to talk.

    Thanks for tacking the time to read this

    Spud :bang::help:
     
  2. maxx

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2012
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Spud, welcome to EC! Yes, there are a great group of supportive people here who have gone through very similar situations (coming out later in life) and have successfully come out the other end to proudly embrace who they are. For myself, I'm still in the midst of coming out (at the age of 49). You might want to look at the posts of Chip, 55butnotalive, JimL, Tom100, bwhopper and my own (maxx).

    Are you in a relationship now? You don't mention a wife or children, which can of course add to the complications.

    The thing that I really clicked with is that being gay is biological. It is who I am. I'm not broken or defective - I'm just not the mainstream. Fortunately the world has become much more accepting of people with differences, including being gay.

    There are lots of great resources here, lots of good people. I spent a long time just going through old posts and extracting the large amounts of wisdom found throughout the various forums.

    Good luck with your journey - you've come to the right place for help.

    Best,
    Maxx
     
  3. spud

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2012
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midlands UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi Maxx

    Thank for the kind words (feeling the eyes watering and lump in the throat) just home from work and had a look at the forum will be spending some time looking throw the forums and will look up the members you have pointed out.

    As for family wife and kids no that’s something I have not got to deal with, and no not in a relationship more the pity.

    The big problem is that there are three guys I do like and have done for many a year now, but that is a no go as they are straight and in relationships so this is a problem I need to work on first as I don’t wish to lose them as friends. Well it not really a problem for them just my feelings.

    And thanks Maxx in truth you are the first person in the world that I have ever talked to and said anything like this.

    I hope things are going well with you as I see you say you are still in the midst of coming out. As I know it not an easy thing to be doing but I wish I had 25 years ago.

    Yes I have just started the journey and have a long way to go.

    They say it gets better I shore hope they are right thanks.

    Spud :thumbsup: