I have no idea why I'm making this thread but I really, really need to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice? idk. So last night me a two of my friends went to this sausage fest last night (there were only two girls besides us) and we got drinking, and I'm seriously the biggest lightweight. I never drink. This guy started to hit on me and I went along with it because I'm in the closet and I'm just really freaking dumb. One thing lead to another and me, the guy, my friend, and her guy went back to one of their houses. My friend went into one room and the guy and I went into his. I obviously knew what was going to happen but I had absolutely no idea what to do. We ended up having sex and halfway I almost blurted out "I'm gay" because it wasn't pleasurable in the slightest, and a bit awkward. But I couldn't without my two friends finding out. I just feel really, really stupid and fake, and lost. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just input, but anything is appreciated. I feel so stupid.
Hey julia - This has sort of happened to me before. I wouldn't blame yourself too much - you were drunk and you were in an uncomfortable scenario. Also, for next time, turning someone down does not mean that you're gay and in the closet. And yes, that sounds like an obvious statement, it but it's hard to realize that in the moment. Straight women are just not interested in every straight boy lolz. I'm sorry the situation sucked for you though. My general recommendation would be to let your friends know early on in the night if you see a guy checking you out or interested to let them know that you aren't interested in him - then they can be good friends and lead you way if you're intoxicated =) Hope you go to Pride this weekend!
Don't beat yourself up Julia. When I was younger I had a similar experience. When I was growing up I had this girl who really liked me. Like she was obsessed with me. She kept writing me letters, telling me how attractive she found me, how she had feelings for me, and wanted to go out with me. I refused to respond to any of them. Finally, she ended up somehow finding my phone number and speaking to my sister. She asked my sister to ask me out on her behalf, but my sister just told her, "Sure! He'll go out with you!" Then my sister came and told me that I had a date. I froze. I panicked. I knew I was gay, but I didn't want to go out with this girl. She wasn't ugly or anything, and other guys might have found her desirable. ...but I couldn't back out. I felt trapped. So I went on the date. Right from the start it became clear what she wanted, and it wasn't my company. It was probably as close as I've been in my entire life to being sexually assaulted. However, I still ended up going on two more dates with her. Each date was worse than the last, she kept getting more and more physically aggressive - more insistent that she get in my pants. It disgusted me. It was pretty clear I wasn't interested, but I think this amused her more than anything else. I guess she thought I was playing hard to get. The more I resisted the more physically aggressive she got. I'm just thankful that I was stronger than her, if I wasn't I'm pretty sure she would have raped me. Finally, I simply stopped answering her calls and did everything I could to avoid her. About two weeks later, I heard she had fucked some other guy from a friend who thought she was breaking some bad news to me. Inwardly, I was cheering - I was so glad that bitch got laid. She needed it. Badly. About another week or so after that she finally broke up with me. Granted, our situations aren't exactly the same, but I know how it feels to be trapped. You shouldn't feel ashamed about the sex. It's just sex. It doesn't define who you are, and it doesn't change who you are. You were afraid and you were drunk. You made a mistake; that's okay. Mistakes are okay to make. Everyone makes them. How many straight women wake up the following day after having had sex and regret it? Lots. The only difference is that you're a lesbian. The best thing you can do is learn from this experience. Don't drink as much when you're out in these types of situations, and remember the advice Greeneyes gave you. Refusing to have sex with a guy doesn't reveal your sexuality to anyone. We only think that because we know the TRUE reason we're refusing, but other people don't know the reason behind it. You can make up some other excuse.
