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Very uncomfortable

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lewnatic, Jun 21, 2012.

  1. Lewnatic

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    I'm very uncomfortable with my sexuality and it doesn't seem to be getting better. Most of the time I can't even say the word "gay", even if it's not in relation to me... It just won't come out.
    I went on a date with another lad for the second time in my life, and I was so horribly uncomfortable when I could see him in the distance waiting I contemplated just...leaving, but I didn't. We went to a gay bar, I settled a little bit, and then we kissed. We were in a frigging gaybar with no one around and all I could think was "ew, I'm kissing another lad in public", despite physically enjoying the kiss.
    I hate feeling this way. I keep getting told it will get better, but it won't. I don't think it ever will... I clearly am not in the right place to be dating: I now know I'm not there yet. The only time I'm even remotely accepting of my sexuality is when horny lust takes over and I find myself masturbating or shamefully dirty talking with a gay friend. I'm in this endless cycle and it's tearing me apart... What should I do?
     
  2. kayce

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    Maybe you should wait till you're more comfortable with yourself before you start dating?
     
  3. Lewnatic

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    Well...that's sort of my point, I'm not comfortable to start dating. My question is what am I supposed to do about this comfort issue? I can't seem to fix it at all.
     
  4. kayce

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  5. How long ago did you come out? Or, accept the fact that your gay? It sounds as if you still haven't come to terms yet. And I think you should hold off on dating until you can openly observe yourself and become comfortable in your own skin.

    It's ok, it really is. ^_^ It's still a new experience, only the 2nd time you've gone on a date with a guy. I don't know how old you are, or much else. But, it is a bit unnerving, maybe because it still isn't socially acceptable. I've felt the same way when I've gone on dates. Not so much "Ew" but more still getting used to the fact that ok, so I'm going on a date in a public place. Same sex, feel a bit like I'm walking on eggshells. I dunno... You'll get used to it...

    First though! You do need to work on accepting yourself, really look deep inside and figure out what's going on. Why you can't say "gay". Why you still feel uncomfortable. Of course, talk to whoever will offer advice and really listen. EC, therapist, friends, family. Whoever. Once you accept yourself, everything else will kind of fall into place. :grin:
     
  6. Catkin

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    I went back and read some of the threads you've started. You seem to have made a lot of progress in a relatively short space of time. After all, in February you were still questioning whether you were gay or not, so to have gone from that to having had two dates with a guy is really good going. I think part of it could just be that after hiding something for so long it's going to take a while to get used to being open about it. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, you've come really far already.
     
  7. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    First of all I would say that feeling comfortable with ones sexuality as gay is difficult to say the least. It can be down to worrying what other people think, no experience or just simply you don't feel comfortable with it which I think this is what you might be experiencing, that and maybe worrying what other people but I'm not sure... I'm just going off how I felt and it partially down to the things people will say or think... or both.

    Personally I've not had a boyfriend or any experience but the part where you say "The only time I'm even remotely accepting of my sexuality is when horny lust takes over and I find myself masturbating or shamefully dirty talking with a gay friend" sounds familiar to me, except I was on a questionable site where they were lots of gay horny guys but I digress.

    I would say take your time, there's no rushing these things and if you don't feel that your ready for dating, etc then don't do it. When you say you enjoyed the kiss with another guy then that to me sounds like your somewhat comfortable with your sexuality, if only a small bit, but its a start.

    I will say that talking about it and discussing stuff with other guys, like on these forums, does help and that "Horny Lust" you mentioned does happen. It happened to me, although not now but that's down to me just venting out all my issues on here.

    One thing though, this guy you met on a date. Is he a someone you can maybe talk to about your feelings and issues or not? He maybe able to help you... or your gay friend you mentioned but then again these are just suggestions.

    I hope I helped. At least in someway and if you need to talk to someone... EC is always here to listen and help.

    (*hug*)
     
  8. Lewnatic

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    Thank you for the advice! I clearly am not ready for dating, but sometimes I...I can't ignore my lust. I feel like I just want to install a certain iPod app and have a random (safe, no intercourse - virgin and I intend to stay that way) "fun" hookup which would probably be wrong on so many levels. But I can't help it, I long to be sexual with another male, but I feel like I want nothing else. I feel like I'm not ready to meet a proper one and pursue a relationship, and I don't even want to feel ready for that...
    What's wrong with me!? Thinking with my dick is an understatement...
     
  9. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    Being horny is nothing to be ashamed of. Hell... we've all been there before. I've been there before. All that was on my mind was "fun hookup" and all I wanted was sex with a guy and then part ways. Of course I didn't do anything about it and for me, it was partly down to me not being out, but despite that fact. I always had this nagging thing in the back of my mind that kept saying "If you did hookup with someone, How would you'd feel after? Would you feel bad about doing it with a random person? What if you saw them when you were out and about?"

    Those kept replaying over and over again till it drove me nuts and I just went off the entire idea. Also I might add is, I wanted my first time to be with a guy I knew, trusted and was in a relationship with. Hence why it hasn't happened yet.

    Just know that "fun hookup" has its risks and you may not like it, it might be awkward if its your first time and there is no "fun hookup" that is completely safe.

    Just one question
    - Why don't you feel for a relationship?

    But I know that the temptation can get a bit much but its about how you'll feel if you ever did anything

    If my post helped then Yay but if I got it all wrong then sorry

    :icon_wink