i'm out to everyone except my family. i know that my parents know i'm gay, although i've never actually told them. i know they love me and that being gay doesn't change a thing. i would love to be able to be myself around them and not have to think before i tell my mum where i've been, or who i've seen. but i feel so much shame. often i feel like being gay is a dirty little secret i shouldn't talk about with my family, although i know they would be supportive and love me regardless... why is this??!! why do i feel like i have to hide something no one else has a problem with? i feel so much like i've let them down by being gay, but like i said, they wouldn't care.... how can i get over this? how can i stop hating myself for being gay? any advice is very much appreciated. laura
laura i think deep down inside you feel ur family will resent u and even though u say they won't u have a deep reason as to why u feel uncomfortable saying something. for starters this sentence gave it away"why do i feel like i have to hide something no one else has a problem with?" i beleive u should give it time, no rush and be yourself around ur family. if anyone then asks you...are u gay? simply say, well yes. and if they say "how comes u never told us" say...it never came up or, you never asked...:dry: being gay is ur sexuality and u don't need to go ranting to people that ur gay. it's simply like going to ur family and saying "i'm straight". but would that make sence?? it would be a waste of time. when the time comes, they will find out. so for now, just play it cool and be urself ok honey?
It sounds to me as if the problem is you, not your family. You have to accept yourself for who you are, you have to love yourself. Being gay/lesbien/bi/straight whatever is not dirty, sex is not dirty unless you want to make it that way. Loving someone whatever their gender is what we are made to do, that you are attracted to girls and not boys is not bad, evil or dirty, it's just the way it is. (*hug*) You haven't let anyone down by being gay certainly not your family and certainly not yourself. Would you feel this way if you had brown eyes instead of blue for example? No you wouldn't you would accept it, now you need to accept your homosexuality. What does being gay meant to you? Does it change the person you are? Does it make you a better or meaner person? I can't answer the first question for you but I can for the last two NO.
maybe telling your parents about it would help? i know that when there's something that makes me feel dirty, once i can get over the shame and tell my parents, i feel so much better. 9 times out of 10 they say "that's not so bad" or even "i've felt like that too" and then that helps you to get over your own problem with it. so maybe you should try discussing it with them, especially if you think they already know. whatever you do, try and keep happy and remember that loving anybody, as louise says, is never dirty.
Everyone, even children of the most accepting parents, fear how their parents will react to the truth...you just have to pull the band-aid off quick and as painlessly as possible.
This sounds actually very much like me. I wish I could give some advice to you but I don't even know how to deal with this myself. But if it's any consolation you aren't alone in what you're feeling.
thanks everyone for your advice i think it really is a matter of me coming to terms with my own sexuality...but like alex said, there's no rush, right? i was in a bookshop the other day and i saw the gay/lesbian section and wandered over to have a look. once i was there i tried to make it look like i was looking in the 'american politics' section (which was right next to it..lol). i stood there wondering why i felt the need to hide the fact i was looking in the gay/lesbian section. i still don't know, its just this un-definable fear of...something. its frustrating cause i don't know where to start to work through this crap. obviously its a fear of rejection or being judged or whatever, but i can't pinpoint why i feel this way. i went to a religious high school, maybe that has something to do with it?? i lost a fair few friends at that school after a rumour went around that i was dating a girl... the second high school its fair share of homophobia too, but nothing i directly experienced myself. i don't think either of these experiences have had a real influence on me and how i see myself, but maybe they did? argh i don't know. like i said, thanks for the advice and support, its very much appreciated. i do feel better after reading. laura