My brother's bachelor party is this Saturday, and I know that we will end up at a strip club at some point. I really have no idea what I should do with myself then. I want to try and have a good time but that is going to make me very uncomfortable, I have been in the circumstance of not showing an interest in women in the hopes that people will get a clue about me. I don't want to be a lump during this, but I don't want to pretend that I am interested, because I"m not. I am just going to hope that no one pays attention to me, which will most likely be the case. But what should I do with myself when we get to that point? Has anyone else ever been in this situation?
So, I've never been in this situation, but I feel like there will be some other guys, who don't want to "do" anything at the strip club. Do you know who else will be there? Find a buddy to just hang out with who either is religious, has a girl friend, or just doesn't want to be around the stripping. Or, just make up an excuse for yourself about why you don't want to be involved.
There will be other guys there, and they are all very into it. I am hoping that I could blend into the background until we leave. But I am the best man so they might try and get me a lap dance (I really hope not) I'm not sure what makes it worse, being gay or being a virgin.
Hmm thats a difficult question and scenario since you are not "out" yet judging from your member status, this could be an uncomfortable experience for you. Many things could happen such as your brother and his friends will be wanting to show you a good time by offering to buy you your first lap dance from a dancer or giving you money to sit with them at the tip rail/dance stage. This scenario is probably inevitable so its up to you to either say yes or no to the tip rail spot and lap dances and be ready with an excuse. Also the atmosphere in a strip club is a very "in your face" scene, dancers will walk up to you every couple minutes and ask "Do you want a dance?" meaning do you want a lap dance and keep bugging you for minutes even after you say "no thanks". Some dancers even become frustrated, and others keep trying to coax you into a lap dance by rubbing your hair on your head or sneaking up behind you and wrapping their arms around you massaging your chest. Anyway I found myself in this scenario a few times when I was younger and not "out" and all my friends persuaded me into going to the strip club on a few occasions. They were very uncomfortable experiences for me as I was still trying to figure myself out at the time. Since then I have managed to stay out of all strip clubs. The whole strip club experience is very exhausting and you quickly get worn out from the constant in your face atmosphere and from being on the defensive the whole time while putting on an act so you don't give yourself away. Here are some most likely scenarios. 1) Go to the bachelor party and just accept that you will be uncomfortable and pretend to enjoy whatever goes on and accept the lap dances offered to you by your brother and his friends. (this is a hard thing to do especially with everyone watching you, also you already stated you didn't want to go along with it.) 2) Go to the bachelor party and politely say no to the lap dance offers but be ready with excuses. (this gets really exhausting and excuses run out fast) 3) Maybe talk with your brother a few days before that evening and tell him you don't feel comfortable going to the strip club. You don't have to come out to him, you could just say "Im feeling uncomfortable about the strip club and not really wanting to go" or something like that. 4) Just go and try to have a good time, your brother will probably be put up on stage and the strippers will make a public show of him lol. (whipping, ice, cutting his boxers and ripping them out of his pants so he is going comando ect ect) Hope some of my insight helps you, please post more questions if you have them. Also no disrespect to the dancers/strippers, they have to make a living too.
The only time I was at a strip club, I was with my boy friend, a gay male, and a bi girl so it was a pretty different situation. Regardless, I would say just try not to over think it. I would just act like you are hanging out anywhere else. I mean, as far as I'm concerned people will probably just think you are trying not to act like a perv. And I mean, if it makes them suspect I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
I would say it partly depends on what kind of strip club you're going to - I've been to two, one which was pretty seedy, and one which was actually very social, respectful, and a fun place to go. You never know, the strippers might actually have a lot of fun hanging out with a guy who's not being a total perv to them. :lol: You could strike up a conversation with one of them when they're on a break maybe. Not every place will be completely in-your-face, though some might be. And not every guy who goes to a strip club (such as people dragged along at a bachelor party...) will be totally into it. If you do end up going, just be honest about what you're comfortable with - turn down lapdances, etc. - and stick to your guns. Keep in mind that these dancers are at work, treat them accordingly, and you should be fine.
I have had a very similiar situation. Some friends (who I am not out to) and I went out drinking and they ended up dragging me into a bar. Now, your experience could depend on a lot of things: the personalities of those you're there with, how crowded it is, and the attitude of the girls, etc. So it is hard for me to say the best way to remain under the radar. I tried a few ways and I can tell how they worked for me. 1. I tried sitting away from where all the action was happening, but that seemed to draw the girls to me, almost as if they sensed I was nervous (an easy way to make some money) 2. Tried sitting with my friends; close enough that maybe other girls wouldn't notice I was being unattended. This worked a little bit better than the first one, as girls did not linger, but still had to worry about my friends noticing I kept turning girls down. 3. I went to the bar that was at the club and was lucky enough to find some people to talk to. This way worked the best for me as, even though girls did come up to me, asking me to buy them drinks, all I had to do was say no and get back to talking with the other people at the bar. Again, whether any of these ways help you out depend entirely on the environment and who you're with, but these are the results that I found, and I hope they'll help you out.
The situation of not wanting to pretend while not outing myself is what worries me most. I'll do my best to stay invisible, although with this group it will be hard. My main goal of the night is to keep everyone from getting arrested. This will be interesting
Just tell him you don't want to get anything done to you at the strip club, that you think women who act like whores are disgusting and degrading to the morality of society, or something similar. Just because you don't want him to know you're gay, doesn't mean that you have to turn down the strip club on that basis. Think outside the box I'm sure there's something you can think of.
So I have only been in a strip club once and it was a gay strip club. It was clearly outside my comfort zone. I enjoyed sitting there watching the guys dance, but was not comfortable with the lap dances so I did not do that. I am more comfortable with my self so I would like to go again. Next time I go I want to go with a friend or two. Going by myself made me feel creepy. Plus I think I'll go to one in the US. The one I went to was in Toronto and in Canada the smallest bill is a $5. They had a tip jar and that is just not the same as sticking a dollar in some ones thong. Which I have done for the dancers at the gay clubs. Here is my thought. Don't worry about what others things of you. Just have fun. If fun is just sitting in the back and chatting with a friend over a couple of bears great. If it is motor boating a stripper, great. That said don't get hung up on your sexuality. You don't have to be attracted to the dancers to cut loose and have fun. Sex and sexuality should be fun. Yeah the people involved may not be your type, but that dosen't change the fact that sex is fun. Honestly you are likely better off if you are not attracted to them. Less likely to do something stupid. ---------- Post added 22nd Jun 2012 at 10:51 PM ---------- It is ok to say you don't want anything, but don't go attacking the characters of the girls. Everyone has to work. Plus honestly it would be lying about the reason which dosen't exactly give you the moral high ground.
Um, yeah, I literally JUST went through this same situation... Although I had the benefit of being out at that point, it is still a touch awkward. But do keep in mind a few things: exotic dancers are there to make money and both you and them know this. So if (and they will) approach you, be honest. I told them I was gay, and they said "Oh really, I'm bi!" and that was the end of that. They moved on from there (and I guarantee they won't tell anyone else). I can also safely assume your brother and anyone else present will be pretty drunk and most likely won't be as observant about you as usual. They'll definitely be paying attention elsewhere... I know that I just ended up throwing dollar bills in front of my brother. After all, it was HIS bachelor party. And if anyone asks just tell them that. They may be a bit confused, but at least you have a ready made excuse in hand.
Your probably right, but I would just be a fish out of water. I am just uncomfortable with the whole idea of strip clubs. I think of sex as something you do with someone that you care very much about, but that is just me. But this is a party for my brother, and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. 24 hours from now I will be there, and I am just hoping for the best.
On my cousins stag do we went to a lap dancing club (where the actual "dancing" was all done in private for those actually paying though) everyone just chipped in for the stag (then paid a fortune for some wishy washy lager for ourselves) and that was pretty much it - the bulk of the group were far too interested in checking out the "girls" to notice what anyone else was doing - wasn't exactly fun though. I've been there a few times with various groups and it's always been the same - the "straights" are far too interested in checking out the girls to notice anything else.
Well I have received an extremely erotic lap dance before. Most guys who get them just kind of zone out and enjoy them. I doubt anyone will expect you to act like you are going crazy enjoying it or something. I just smiled and let the girl do her thing. Like the only difference between you getting a lap dance and someone else from your party getting one is that he will prolly have a boner. Thats about it imo. There isn't any need to fake anything.
Well, I'm probably late seeing as right about now your probably starting the bachelor party. But I was in your position about 2 months ago. I was the best man as well. Since it was my responsibility to plan it, I decided to do a weekend in Atlantic City (got a house and the whole works). Purposely planned because I knew strippers and strip clubs would involved and I could easily "get lost" while everyone went out and had their fun. WELL, little to my knowledge, they get escorts to come to the house one of the nights to do strip shows, private stuff and ect ect. And what happens, the first dances they ask for the groom and his best man. YAY! :bang: At the time, out of all the guys there only one knew I was gay. After the shows and stuff he came up to me and was like "dude, you played that off well!" I didn't do anything at all, just sat there and just let her do her thing...and I showed absolutely no interest, how no one questioned it is beyond me. (I was uncomfortable at first because I'm in the center of the room and everyone is watching this girl and myself, and I too was afraid that someone would call me out on just sitting there not doing a damn thing) I know its a lot easier said than done, but if you just be you (even during the uncomfortable stage) no one should really notice. That is unless your there grimacing, making annoyed faces and turning color as if your disgusted...lol Oh, I ended up coming out to most of the guys there at the end of that weekend, and when I asked them how they didn't notice or question anything when the strippers were on me and such, and their responses were "bro, you looked like you were having fun, I at least didn't notice!" So unless there is someone investing you, waiting to call you out, I think you will do fine!! Hope everything goes well! TB
Well it is over. No one got arrested last night, so that is good. The strip club was really awkward, I stayed in the background as much as possible, although everyone I was with was trying to get me to put my face between there boobs and I kept refusing. At one point they actually payed one of the girls to take me to the back and give me a lap dance, when we got into the room I told her that I was uncomfortable and I really didn't want to do it, and she was okay with it, so we had a 3 1/2 minute conversation instead, and I told her to keep the money. After that I thought I was in the clear, but a little later one of the strippers put her boobs right in my face, she didn't even ask, she just did it.:icon_redf (That right there was the most sexually active thing I have ever done) It smelled like a mixture of bath oil and shame. But other than that the rest of the night went fine. Just an update for those who wanted to know
Glad you survived it alright! Hopefully you don't have too many brothers, so that you won't have to repeat the experience Loved your characterization of her boobs smelling "like a mixture of bath oil and shame" - priceless! Maxx
Yeah, you probably did better than me. One of my friends will probably drag we to a strip club once just for experience sake. Though even if it were guys I dont think I would enjoy it. Its not a moral thing(I'd probably see how much tips they were making and get up on the poll with them ). But strip clubs just dont seem like they would be all that clean. I cant even share a soda with a family member or friend. All the oil, sweat, glitter might just be the end of me
