When I came out to one of my friends, she asked, "how do you know you're not idolizing them? maybe you just want to look like them?" And it's been bugging me. I do want to look like them. I want to be pretty, I want to have abs etc. When you have a same-gender crush, how much is legit attraction and how much is admiration?
I'd like to know the answer to this one myself, so I'll be watching this thread to see what answers you get. It's probably a bit of both, but I think even with an opposite gender crush there's going to be a bit of admiration mixed in with attraction. If it were only idolizing , wouldn't you just feel envious, but not necessarily want to get closer to them (emotionally and physically)? As I said above though, I'm pretty clueless myself, so hopefully someone else will come along and post an answer.
If I just want to like someone, then I think it is just that 'I wish I was more like xxx.' I dont necessarily feel the need to be close to them, I wouldnt necessarily even be friends with them, although I might. If im attracted to someone, I dont necessarily want to be like them, although a bit of that is ok, but my feeling is more I want to be close to them, I want to spend time with them, almost I dont want to share them. I feel like if I am idolizing someone and they got together with a guy/girl then I would be happy for them, I would probably feel like I wanted to be them even more but I would be happy for them. If I was attracted to them then I would be jealous and probably think that whoever they were going out with wasnt good enough for them. I would be happy for them but first and foremost I would be jealous. If you want to kiss someone or more then its not admiration its attraction.
This was a question someone asked me when I had my first crush. I've thought about it a lot. You can admire your girlfriend's abs or whatever & have a crush on her: you want to have abs like her: natural mechanism to wanting to impress her. Simply idolizing someone can't cause emotional attraction. You can idolize guys but hey you're not attracted to them.(in my case)
I'm kinsey 6, females physically repulse me in every way possible. I have absolutely no desire to be most of the guys I crush on, so no I don't want to be like them. While you are bisexual, the same principle will still apply. You know you are attracted to them, so why even ponder the question? You like them, and that's that.
This is a really good question. When I see attractive girls I do feel sort of mesmerized. The difference is, I feel so consumed with envy I typically feel that I could never enjoy truly being with them.
Um, the girls I'm attracted to are usually nothing like me, and nothing like I would try to be. Not because being like them would be bad, it just wouldn't be me. So, I don't usually have confusion around this issue. But there is nothing stopping you from being attracted to someone, and wanting to be like them. You can feel both things at once. They are not the same feeling. Ask your friend--what do you mean, how do I know? They aren't the same feeling at all... Of course, if you are attracted to someone you also look up to, that can make it a lot more intense, just like when a straight girl has a crush on an older boy.
Thank you for all your responses. I guess for me the line between attraction and admiration is a bit more blurred, because I tend to crush on girls that sorta look like me -but every type of girl is fine, really- and on older women I can look up to. On the other hand, when I get a crush on a girl I can't stop thinking about her, I want to get physically closer, I get hella jealous, I start fantasizing about our future life together and stuff. That counts as attraction, doesn't it? And I never felt anything of the sort for guys. Why are these things so complicated?
Wow excellent question - now that I think about it, I think there have been cases where I felt an attraction to guys who were "unavailable/unattainable" (anything from cute and very str8 to hot celebs), and by trying to be a little bit like them (taking cues from their interests, how they dressed, ways of talking, etc) it was subliminally a way of feeling closer to them... dunno if that helps clarify anything...
wow! so true! only problem is i find blond girls with big curls lovely, and i can't make my hair obey me and be like that! well, guess i will go back to what i did as a pre-teenager, stare at them that can!
To me this is crystal clear to answer. Honest.. the difference is sexual attraction. If you can easily fantasize sexually about the person, and would act on your fantasies over and over and over, it's definitively attraction you're feeling. If you end up dating the girl and find yourself with no libido for her well that means it's friendship/admiration you're feeling. I have been in the type of relationship where my girlfriend wasn't attracted to me at all but I did inspire great admiration and friendship to her, though she couldn't tell the difference. I could and suffered from it. Please don't date somebody you are not sexually attracted to... for their sake..
^ I promise! I had attempted it almost, could not go through with it as it seemed wrong, immoral. I really just wanted to have a close best friend in him, to camp, and hike, and ski with...he saw me as a possible sex partner...a female one, and said he can burp I can't cuz he is a man and I'm a "lady." yeah, no attraction to him at all physically, just wanted to have fun in sports and joke around. BIG mistake. I promise I will wait for a real attraction.
