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Help, I'm not different any more

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pippa, Jun 22, 2012.

  1. Pippa

    Pippa Guest

    :bang:I thought right when I first came out that finally it was going to be better - meaning easier 'cause I wasn't dying to keep the big secret anymore. But I'm rapidly discovering that it's not necessarily true. i haven't changed, I'm still me, and I still have a lot of the same problems that I did before. I feel awkward.... my therapist says I need to go out and meet people.... my question is, where? I live in a red state in a red county, up in the city there is more gay and lesbian activity but I'm so shy that I don't like to drive up there all alone.... especially not knowing anybody. I keep wanting to go back to that day in May when I finally came out, that day and for a couple weeks after I felt so good. I felt like I wanted to go out and conquer the world, but I discovered very quickly that I was still the same person with the same hang-ups and shyness that caused me to hide away for the last 30 or more years.... Am I going crazy? At this point I would love to go to a Pflag meeting but there are none near me. I keep calling the national hotline for support, as I do better talking one on one.... but it's ALWAYS busy, nobody ever answers. Very discouraging. I don't know why I posted this here but it's like, I'm afraid if something doesn't change soon I won't only be me with the same set of problems, I'll be a me with a whole new set as well. Thanks everyone....
     
  2. TwoMethod

    Full Member

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    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've been told that that's a common occurrence with LGBT people actually... where once you've overcome the problem of coming out and accepting yourself, you realise that actually you have to deal with all the other normal problems that everyone else has to deal with. And it is literally like banging your head on brick wall at times. Or.. it's like finally breaking through a wall only to realise that there is another wall you need to get through again.

    Everyone has self-esteem issues and hang-ups about themselves.

    I don't know what else to say other than to try and encourage you to go to the city, even once. Therapists can be annoying when they say that the 'enemy of depression is contact with other people' — trust me, I know. But unfortunately, it's true! You just need to force yourself to go up to the city. Have you considered moving there? Clearly you don't see much of live for yourself where you're currently living, and that's no good.

    There's no magic wand and they're not going to tell you anything you don't already know on the national support hotline. And that's a pain to hear and I'm even annoyed that I have to say it, but you do need to go a meet people, and it's just working up the courage to go and do it!

    Don't be afraid of something not changing. You are the one who has to make the change!
     
  3. pinklov3ly

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think once you come out there's a transitioning phase, from living in hiding to finally embracing who you really are. I was a nervous wreck after coming out, I'm guessing because I didn't know what to expect, my life for once was uncertain. Living as a mother, I thought I had everything figured out, but everyday is a surprise for me. I feel weird checking out women, but hey, it is what it is. I'm happy, but I do have my days when I wanna hide back in the closet, but that would do more harm than good. I'd say go for it! Try something new for a change and go to the city! Bring a friend and venture out, you never know who you will meet.