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About to meet an online love interest for the first time.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by thinkpink, Jun 22, 2012.

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  1. thinkpink

    thinkpink
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    Met a girl online. At first we were just friends because I was seeing someone, after that relationship ended we both admitted we felt more. We have spoken each day for 5 months albeit as friends first but because of the distance and her uni work have had to wait to meet. Meeting on Wednesday but she has changed. She says she is just stressed with work but is talking to me far less. Tonight we were on webcam, excused herself for dinner and never came back, even though we had been discussing our plans for meeting. Does anyone think she will stand me up? Could this be to do with the fact she isn't out to her whole family? She promised this would be no issue to us meeting as they are not close.
     
    #1 thinkpink, Jun 22, 2012
  2. kayce

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    Maybe talk to her more about it?
     
    #2 kayce, Jun 22, 2012
  3. thinkpink

    thinkpink
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    Any suggestions as to what to say?
     
    #3 thinkpink, Jun 22, 2012
  4. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    I would tell her more or less what you told us, but obviously in a different way. Maybe something along the lines of, "When we were talking the other day, you left for dinner and then never came back even though we hadn't finalized our plans yet. [side note: or did you finalize your plans? I couldn't quite tell from what you wrote.] Do you still want to try to get together, or are you not comfortable with that?" You could also mention that you feel that she is talking to you less and that it's worrying you, but I would start with the other stuff.
     
    #4 Tetraquark, Jun 22, 2012
  5. pinklov3ly

    pinklov3ly
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    She's probably just nervous about meeting, but it's wrong of her to try to push you away now. You've been talking for months and the possibility of meeting is getting closer, perhaps she's afraid. Just let her know how you feel. I plan on meeting someone from a dating website and I'm excited, but I'm nervous. I canceled plans on her due to my nervousness and now, I think she thinks that I'm playing games, but I'm not. Communication is key to any relationship :slight_smile:
     
    #5 pinklov3ly, Jun 22, 2012
  6. thinkpink

    thinkpink
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    Thanks, no, we didn't finalise our plans and this morning I didn't get the text she usually sends me before work, can't be a good sign can it? I wasn't nervous at all before she changed but now I am, is a long way to go to be let down. She also wanted to meet in a car park, think that's strange? We had previously said we'd meet at the theatre.
     
    #6 thinkpink, Jun 23, 2012
  7. thinkpink

    thinkpink
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    Ok, so we had this perfect date, lots of hand holding, kissing, cuddling etc and agreed to meet again, yesterday we spoke loads but today she hasn't responded to my msgs, do you think this means she's changed her mind and would she simply disappear without giving me an explanation? It's strange because by the end of the date we were acting like a couple
     
    #7 thinkpink, Jun 29, 2012
  8. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    Glad to hear it went well! If everything seemed to be fine before today, then there is a good chance that she is busy or otherwise can't respond to messages today. No offense to her, but it sounds like she might be the sort of person who takes her time responding, for whatever reason. She might be nervous, she might be afraid of letting her family know about you, or she might just have that personality. I would give her another couple days before worrying too much.
     
    #8 Tetraquark, Jun 29, 2012
  9. thinkpink

    thinkpink
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    It's the letting her family know about me that worries me, there's no need for her to do that yet but it scares me that just the thought of doing so may put her off
     
    #9 thinkpink, Jun 29, 2012
  10. thinkpink

    thinkpink
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    Ok, so I found out why she didn't reply, she failed her uni work. She says she's just been in a strange mood but later on today she continued to ignore my texts. Should I now leave it to her to contact me and if she doesn't, how long until I give up? I have a confession to make, this girl deeply reminds me of my ex, who I was completely in love with (best mates 7 years, together 10 months) who broke my heart by just disappearing one day, telling me she never loved me and wasn't even gay which I don't believe. The similarities are endless, including them both ignoring me when other things are wrong. Think this is why I've been so drawn to her, am I setting myself up to be hurt again?
     
    #10 thinkpink, Jun 30, 2012
  11. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    Sounds like it might her personality, then, in which case, yes, there is a very good chance that you will get hurt. Some people have a hard time being honest and open with others about their feelings and instead of communicating directly will ignore them. You don't have to cut off contact with her or even end the relationship immediately. However, you do need to prepare yourself emotionally for such an event as much as possible. Unless she starts communicating more reliably, then it would be best to call off the relationship.

    (*hug*)
     
    #11 Tetraquark, Jun 30, 2012
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