1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm scared

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MrHojalata98, Jun 22, 2012.

  1. MrHojalata98

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2012
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    I'm scared. I like to pretend that I have it all figured out that I know what I want in my life but the truth is I'm as lost as a person can get. I want love and I know Im only going to be able to feel that emotion with a man, but I'm scared. Whenever I'm with a guy and we have our little bromance moment I hesitate and tell myself it's wrong BUT I know it's not. I've been hiding behind this shell for so long that i don't know how to get out of it. And whenever I get close to cracking it something happens to make me go inside if it again. I'm just scared that I don't know what I want in life, im scared of it all. I want to believe I'm one of those brilliant kids you see on tv getting interviews for standing up for gay rights at such a young age, and I try to be. I joined EC as my first step and I try to get as involved as I can get but I don't know what I'm doing. People tell me that everything is what it is for a reason so I don't even ask why or why me, I just want to know what's gonna happen. I tell myself that when I find that one guy I love that he will make it all worth it but when what's at stake is so big, is it really? I'm just scared my friends will leave, my parents will reject me, that people will label me and see me only as gay and nothing else, and mostly I'm scared of the gate. People have been killed for being gay and I don't know if in the end it will all be worth it, I'm terrified.
     
  2. MrHojalata98

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2012
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    *Gate=hate* gotta hate auto-correct
     
  3. needshelp

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2011
    Messages:
    1,005
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    nuked jersey
    i feel you, man. unfortunately, it's a toss up between yourself, who you are and chosing to let go of the lie that you live because you're afraid of what others around you might think and do and basically living a lie, playing a person to please the other people in your life. :bang: you really don't have a choice on who you are, the world that you're born into, as well as your family, friends and other people's views on homosexuality. we're pretty much going to have to face the music even if it sounds horrible. just like you, i'm afraid because i know what i might hear won't be what i want to hear but i guess, the only thing i could do is prepare for it so what i expect actually happens, i'm not as hurt by i would be if i wasn't prepared.

    as for just living your life and finding a guy, i think that your fear is pretty much you being scared to accept yourself. i guess that's what happens when you're around people that are homophobic and you get told repeatedly that gay is wrong whether it's in the media and etc. you start to believe that it's true and start to reject yourself out of fear.

    it takes time, i guess. how long? who knows but at the end, everything will be alright.