Ok so i told my parents ohh a month or so back i didnt think i was straight. My dads reaction kinda upset me at the time (though i know he didnt mean it that way) he basically said "maybe you've not met the right man yet". Anyhow told my mum, she came thundering down to see me (lives couple of hours away) was very supportive, made me feel a lot better. Fast-forward a bit and a couple of weeks ago we were discussing an upcoming holiday, we briefly touched apon the subject of sexuality and she comes out with "oh ive been thinking about this and maybe you've not met the right man yet". I totally facepalmed at that, but at least id gotten over feeling fragile about it so it didnt upset me that time. Also my mum has a habit of just saying things without really considering their effect. So i kind of dismissed it. Now i was talking to my mum on the phone just yesterday and i told her i was trying to sort out going to the world pride fest (plans arent looking great for that atm, damn being a hermit!) and she asked me "why would i want to do that?" then she told me she thinks "im just confused". I believe i splurted out something along the lines of "im sure as hell not straight" she kinda went quiet and changed subject. I dont mind people not understanding where i am, i know its tricky as im not the most eloquent of people, im not good at putting my feelings into words. But the more i think about men the more repulsed i feel and the more i think about women the more positive i feel. Hell emotionally i feel like ive been atlas all my life, carrying a vast weight upon my back and now that godawful weight is finally cracking and its... glorious! I want to be incredibley cliched and scream it from the hills! But my mums recent comments makes me feel like a stupid girl, like shes trying to put me back in the damn box and im so happily trying to escape. I know it could just be her usual weird talking style but im not sure. I dont want to be told what everyone else thinks i am! I know what i am! But how can i explain this in a gentle manner to her next time the subject comes up? (she wont bring the subject up, i have to do that) Shes always been ultra-supportive of gays or even her children being gay, but now that she actually has a gay child it seems a different set of standards (i think she thought it would be my bro lol). Is there a subtle way i can show her these weird double standards? Wow that was a bit of an essay, guess its been bothering me more than i realised lol.
I feel your pain, or at least a variation of it. I told my parents I was bi-curious a little over a year ago and they ended up dismissing it as a phase every time I talked to them, even though I knew they meant well. I haven't brought it up since on account of it being odd. I'm not sure if there's much of a trick to it. I think after you test the water in a conversation, the only thing you can do is say as much as you want to say without upsetting them. My father has always been very difficult and good with creating double standards like that, and the only thing I've ever been able to do is say a tiny sliver of what's on my mind every day or two. It's difficult for me to explain in words how to do that... I would try very subtle cues like bringing up the topic in a political sense and then in a personal sense, perhaps a few times, with hope that she rethinks the personal side of the equation? My family is political so that was easy for me. Might not be that way for you, I have no way of knowing. Another thing I feel I should stress is that if subtlety doesn't work, and you truly want them to understand you, you can take the angle of total honesty. I've been forced to do that with my dad on some topics several times, and it's never pretty, but usually once the smoke clears we've become closer, he and I. It's entirely up to you, and how you gauge your family situation! I hope that makes sense! And I hope it helped! Best of luck. (*hug*)
I hear you - there's a difference between being supportive of gay people and having a gay daughter. If nothing else though, it sounds like your parents are generally supportive, or at least that they come down on that side of things if push comes to shove, so you probably have some residual good will to fall back on with them. I would actually recommend not waiting until it comes up again - talk to your mom before that, being it up yourself, and talk with her about how it's not just a phase, and you know what you want. She - and your dad for that matter - might have no idea what hearing that does to you. Take a shot at explaining it to them.
Thanks for the support guys, felt good just to get it off my chest I guess i'll have to psych myself a little so next time i hear something stupid i wont either say nothing or fly off in a fit of rage (either would be equally bad).
