This Thursday, June 28th marks the 1 year anniversary of me being out to anyone. I don't know why, but for whatever reason using "special dates" seems to motivate me to come out, like it's more valid than any excuse I could justify in my mind. I'm thinking I should use this date to come out to the fam. I think I'm about as ready as I'll ever be and waiting closeted isn't going to make me any more "confident" than I am now. My hurdle is the fact that I don't know if I can tell them in person. Beyond the fact that I'm scared of doing so, I'm down at school until Friday afternoon. So, I figured I could e-mail them, with the clause that they call me when the read it else I call them. But, I've thrown around the idea of an e-mail before, and my worry is that it's "too impersonal" or something like that. I know I come out for me and only me, but for whatever reason I can't stop worrying about what other people will think (be it you guys or IRL friends) if I take this somewhat chicken-y approach. I really, really want to end being closeted and they're the last people I need to tell. This method might not be ideal, but minus what other people will think of it, it gets the job done in a way I'm content with (more or less). And isn't getting past the "I'm gay" part the most important? I don't know if I want validation or someone to actually poke holes in this plan, so I'll gladly take either.
Okay, to me I think this is a fine idea. But ask anyone and I'm not the most.. sensitive person so they may feel it is too impersonal. But to me, it's only your orientation. You don't owe it to anybody to have a proper discussion with them about it as it really just isn't that important. What alot of people do is tell the closest people or most important people in their lives first, and then consider using a more impersonal way like email or Facebook or what have you to inform the rest. I'm kind of at this spot myself, but I did just tell my parents by letter. And I'm considering just Facebooking it for the rest of the fam as my parents were the only ones who's opinion really mattered to me. I say if this feels right for you then no big deal, go for it. If you're ready, I honestly see nothing wrong with doing it this way.
Hmmm, if you're not wanting to do it in person, then I think a handwritten letter is a little nicer than an email. But it might be kinda awkward to just hand them the letter and be like, "Here, read this." So maybe you could email them, and right afterward call/text them saying that you've sent them an email that's very important and you just didn't feel comfortable telling them in person.
Personally, I couldn't up and say it in person to my parents. I spent an entire day writing two letters (one for my stepmom and one for my dad). I feel like that makes it a little easier. So before you do anything ask yourself if you really want to do it by email/letter or in person. But what ever way you decide to tell them you will most likely feel so much better after you tell them. Good luck!
I don't think that an email would be a bad idea. I would just make sure that they check the email account that you send it to. I don't think that it is impersonal because you are planning to talk to them about it as well.
I think your plan is fine just as it is. It seems like you're going to see them/call them soon anyways, so the email will just break the news to them. You can discuss it with them as much as they want later on.
Writing doesn't have to be impersonal. In fact, you may find that you can express your feelings more thoroughly in a written format. As long as you address them in a personal way, there is no need for it to be impersonal at all. The only thing I would say about doing it by email is to make sure you can get a response very quickly. (For this reason, I very much recommend email over regular mail.) Having sent it out, there will be a lot of anxiety until you hear a response. Don't leave yourself in suspense indefinitely.
Thanks everyone. I forgot to add that if I'm sending it the Thursday, I'll be headed home on the Friday, so I'll see at least my mom and brother the next day. My dad I see infrequently enough as it is, so I can't really plan around a date I'll see all of them without making an "event" out of it, which I don't want to do. I probably won't end up doing it this week anyway... gonna have to wait for another date I guess, unless something changes. I learned last night that we're gonna have to put our dog down, and my mom and brother are taking it surprisingly not well, so this isn't exactly a good time for any big news. :/
I hate bumping threads, but I can add onto this rather than make a whole new one. I had a thought... I mentioned in my last post that I shouldn't come out this week because it's potentially emotional, and usually I give the same advice to others. But what if instead of it adding to the fire, since I'm pretty sure they'd be accepting, it does the opposite and helps to take their mind off of the dog stuff? I mean, I don't expect it to be a fix for what's to come, but isn't it possible they'd take it similarly to how they'd take it if I told them at any other time? If that makes sense, that is. Anyone got insight?
Hi there! Sorry to hear that your dog has to be put down. (*hug*) In terms of coming out to your family, I think you are making way to big a thing out of it. Remember that, the bigger of a thing you make it, the bigger of a thing will it be for others. If you feel that it would not be a good time to come out at this point, wait a few days before mentioning anything or giving them a letter. Writing an e-mail is in many ways like writing a letter (however short or long it may be) and it can be far from impersonal. Have a read through the coming out letters submitted by EC members. Maybe some of the letters might give you an idea as to how you could write and structure your e-mail (if this is the route you want to take). My suggestions would be to go, and given that your brother and mom are emotional about the put down of you dog, to wait a couple of days, and then give them a letter (or a print out version of your e-mail) for them to read. But try not to put too much thought into your coming out. Go with what your gut feeling is telling you and know that this is the right decision for you.
Have you thought of writing them a letter, and sending it to them in the mail? Letters always seem to be more personal than e-mails. ---------- Post added 25th Jun 2012 at 06:49 PM ---------- Sorry about your dog. I know that's hard... my Gram's dog had to be put down too.
I considered doing the mail route, but given that I'm only half an hour away... I'd get home before they received it. Plus with e-mail, I know if I send it to them, since they get e-mail to their phones I can almost guarantee they'll read it shortly afterwards. It's basically like a long text xD That being said, I'm not opposed to calling them outright I suppose. I think e-mail was the more cowardly approach that I thought of first. I think I'm just having a surge of "wait, I can still make this happen", as opposed to my "my whole week is down the drain" mood I had the last couple days. Which could be good or bad if I jump the gun.
I think you should call them and try to work up the courage over the phone to tell them. If you can't tell them on the phone, you can always type them up an e-mail after you hang up!
Hi there! Reading through your reply, one question I think you should try finding an answer before you send them an e-mail, call them or write a letter is: "Regardless of the time that I have been out to friends, do I feel ready to come out to my brother and mother?" When you stand in front of a mirror and say out loud, "I want to come out to my brother and mother", how do you feel?
^ (I feel like) I'm not that close to them, so I think if it was a viable option I'd never tell them. So when I say that to myself, I'm not particularly thrilled; not against the idea, just not giddy with excitement at the idea. If I change it and say that "I want to stop being closeted/I want to be out", that I see more value in. Telling them becomes a means to an end basically.
Just want to say don't feel bad if you end up not doing it right now. I've been there a million times and back, saying this is the day I'm gonna do it. Then I don't and my week goes to hell. I did eventually just do it. And it worked out fine. Good luck to you, I'm so sorry about your dog. <3
I know lots of people that have used emails, or letters. I don't think it's impersonal at all. In fact, it says you've thought about it carefully and wanted to put things in writing so it's communicated clearly. As to whether you're ready... I do think that setting a goal is sensible if the goal is reasonable. And if it's been a year, and you feel like you're basically ready, then pushing yourself a bit to make that date totally makes sense.
Thanks again. I've decided against doing it this week, for good this time. I'll do it within the next month or so though... after summer term ends, there's about 3/4 weeks where I've gotta go home, and there's no way in hell I'll survive that long in close quarters if I'm still closeted. I'd rather it be awkward than awkward with me lying as well.
