So I have situation that I feel I may just be thinking too much into (as I do with everything in my life) but I need a "second opinion" or other view points other than my own. So here is what has happened. Back in February, I came out to my best friend. And so everyone knows, this is not your typical best friend relationship..its more of a [he could be my brother we know each other so well] friendship. We hang out all day, every day. So when I came out to him, I was nervous as hell. I did it, he was very cool about it, said he'd be by my side going forward and all. Perfect! What I feared most was that we wouldn't hang out any, do the all day every day activities we would always do. Things never changed and it was all good. Then about March, he meets a girl. And for me, I tend to turn into a raging jealous bitch when he starts dating girls. Not all girls, just the ones I feel I know aren't his type. Lol, and I think its only because since we've been friends for so long and I've seen him get hurt by girls (he's one of those old school romantic type guys - wines and dines them and treats them like gold), I almost turn into defensive big brother mode. So he starts to date this girl and she is a nice girl, nice personality (she's a nut case tho, we'll save that for another session..lol) but she one of those girls that demands all from a guy but then treats them like shit once she has what she wants. And I started to pick up on it after a while, but never said anything to him because he was falling in love and yadda yadda. But next thing you know, he isn't callin anymore, no more text and he's constantly with her. Now many of you probably think, why would I get upset since its his life he's living and its not like we're dating and such, but when you know your best friend is getting the ass end of the relationship (only reason I know is because he expressed it when we actually did get to meet before she called for him back) and it is starting to distant not only our friendship but everyone else he and I are friends with. So, weeks go by and they break-up and things start getting to normal with us and then she comes crawling back to him and things start going in the same direction as before. PS: A little about me, I have dealt with depression since I was young. Even was suicidal at one point in my teenage years. Went to therapy and discovered that part of my problem is that I never talk or get my problems out. And the more I kept things in, and the more it bottled up inside, it would make my situations worse and what I really needed to do to alleviate all the thoughts and problems I was having was to talk about it. The "get it off your chest" approach as I like to call it. And this friend ended up being this person who I have been going to for the past 8 years of my life when ever I needed to unwind. And I ended up being the same person for him. So back to the story. Now the second time, this girl is treating him like crap (again), I can see the effects its having on him and we are barely speaking to each other again. And just like that, I'm starting to feel like I did when I was younger. Since I cared so much for him, it was just killing me inside to see him just sit there and accept it. And I felt it wasn't my place for me to tell him that he shouldn't be seeing this girl anymore so kept my mouth shut. I would go days without talking to him (which was a first in a long time) because of her and I felt that I was going back into that dark place again. Maybe I panicked because my only source of "sanity" was getting pulled away from me. SOO...a bunch of us all got drunk one night and I told him how he was killing our friendship cuz of this girl and how because of him I'm back to having thoughts of killing myself because I have no one else to go to talk and ect. And after I realized what I said, it almost come off as an ultimatum for his to choose, but in my eyes it was just me pouring my emotions and thoughts. He then finally breaks things off with her, and even though I keep telling him that I had no right to base my problems on his own person decisions and that I'm sorry, he tells me he appreciates that I did it because it opened up his eyes to how bad she was treating him and stuff. But now, we still communicate and all but not often and I feel like its not that "brotherly love" type of friendship we had. I keep thinking to myself that I messed everything between us. Or maybe he felt like I had feelings for him and turned into some jealous beast that gave him this ultimatum of girl vs. your friends life. Now that I've rambled on and probably put a few of you to sleep, lol, do you think I'm just over thinking things? Should I just let it ride out more and see what happens? Or am I just crazy and I need to admit myself to the nearest psych ward!?? =/ TB PS: God, I just realized how much I wrote haha! If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading and offering any advice/help!
hey trueblue, I relate a lot to what you said. I wish I had the courage to come out to my best friend though. I have a super close best friend too. We've been friends for 15 years, since we were both in 1st grade. Even though I am gay, I'm actually not attracted to him. like you said, he's more like a brother to me. but anyway, he just got out of a relationship with a bitch who basically controlled him, because he is way too nice like that. The fact that you told him that and he actually split with her makes me seem like he values your all's friendship as much as you do. My best friend is too thick headed to listen, and we just drifted apart seriously while he was dating her. He just recently got single and I'm so happy about it. sorry for rambling, I don't think you are crazy at all. like I said, i feel real similar about my best friend. I think things will turn around, I bet he's just trying to deal with being single again. I know my friend is dealing with that. hoped i helped a little.
I know retarded girls like that! GOSH I can't stand how they use men for stuff and money, my cousins are even willing to marry a guy to get his stash. Well, you should not have been drunk and told him, you should have been SOBER and told him! Good for you, you give a care! I want a friend like you who sees when Im being used and stupid and wakes me up. love is blind, and he is a good friend who didn't dump you for the Btch. Im sorry if he feels distant now. I hope it patches up, but it maybe he is heartbroken and just needs more time and space to work it out. You were not trying to control or own him, I know I feel like it to an extent when my straight friends are suddenly dating and have all time now with HIM and then after he leaves suddenly I am bestie and they want to move in with me. (yeah Im going through it now myself) So buck up! You will have more friends someday besides him, and you should try to find some so you all can hang out as brothers. You got his back, I hope if it were in reverse he would do same for you. ---------- Post added 23rd Jun 2012 at 07:56 PM ---------- Oh, and both you guys, how did you get it in your mind to tell your best friends? I have not yet. I am still apprehensive. I can't take it back, saying Im transgender. I fear all the girls will suddenly assume I have secretly been lusting for them when we were hanging out.
While you could have dropped the news a little more gently to him perhaps, I can certainly understand the impulse behind it. It sounds like your friend took it a little to heart though - whether you intended it as an ultimatum or not, he seems to have taken it that way, unless they were already having problems. On the other hand, he could have broken up with her on his own after seeing things from an outsider's perspective, and he could be embarrassed about having ignored you. If I was in your position, I would apologize for the outburst, and maybe offer to set him up with someone? - in other words, show him that it's important to you that he have a chance to be happy with someone. It sounds like you guys have a very solid friendship, so I'm sure if you went to him he'd be pretty receptive. However - I get the impression that you lean on him for a lot of emotional support (and vice versa), and while that's not necessarily a bad thing on its own, it could be complicating the situation a bit. How long do his relationships tend to last? It's normal for both people to be a little obsessed with each other at first, and want to spend a lot of time together. You might want to think about expanding your support network a little - after all, what if, god forbid, something happened to him? Even beyond tragedies, he could get a job that took him to another state, or spend a while on vacation overseas, or something. Whom would you go to for support and advice then? None of which is to say you should be any less of a friend to him, or expect any less from him - but you might try to find a way to not *need* so much from each other, so that you can expand both of your lives to include new people and experiences. Who knows - if you and he both meet good significant others, you could have even more in common and more to share than before.
I get into jealous bitch mode all the time. I think what you did was okay, and perhaps good for your friend. I think you just need to spend some more time with him again--let some of these things fade into the distant memory--to get back into the brotherly love relationship.
