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A little help :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by regret, Jun 24, 2012.

  1. regret

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    I know y'all have already heard of this typical story and probably grew tired of it, but please, I just need someone to have a good ear and gives me advice. :icon_sad:
    Note: English is not my native language so bear with me if there are phrases you don't understand.

    When I was in fourth grade, I started hanging out with girls. You could say that I'm the girly-gay type. It's strange that even though I know that I'm gay, I have still have no crushes on boys. It was in seventh grade that I finally fell for a guy. Let's just give him a nickname and call him Sweet (oh and by the way, he's straight.). At first day of classes, I didn't like him. I find him annoying, irresponsible and downright immature but it wasn't until I had his cellphone number that I started to like him. After that first text convo, he always wants to text me no matter what. He even texted: "Why won't you text me? :frowning2:". Now I know you've been wondering if he's TRULY straight, we'll deal with that later on. When we text he usually ends it with "Good Night :slight_smile:". In school, he usually stares at me, but he looks away when I turn to him. When there's skin contact, he doesn't move and instead moves much closer. He sometimes says "I love you" and then chuckles as if he just said a joke and when he calls me in our telephone, it'll be obvious that he sometimes makes up a question just so he can start a conversation with me. Example, he called me once because he wanna asks what my mother's work is. I mean, do you really have to make a phonecall just for that?:roflmao: Anyways, when we are talking on phone it most likely lasts about three to four hours. During our eighth up to our ninth grade, we still keep doing those things :icon_redf until it came to the point that we know each others secrets, all of 'em (except the secret that I have a crush on him). There are times he talks about his crushes then I get jealous and will make an excuse to go away somewhere and then he'll say that I'm jealous. Sometimes he will hug me from behind for no apparent reason(*hug*). Okay, I have no idea where I'm going so I'll make the long story short XD. During the month of December (I will not indicate the day) I made plans to tell him that I like him because I can't keep the secret to myself anymore. First I told him hints that I like him by saying that I'm bi and he was okay with it. Then later on, I finally told him that I like him and he was a bit shocked. He didn't talked nor texted me ever again but even though I can still see that he sometimes stares at me. I asked one of his friends if he mentioned me or somethin and his friend said: "He told me you have a crush on him. He says that you're annoying." I'm really confused right now, why does he keep staring at me, sometimes even longer? Any advice on how to cope up with this problem?:icon_sad:
     
  2. awesomeyodais

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    First off, accepting yourself, then telling him that you like boys, and him in particular, takes courage - congratulations.

    Reading your post, gives me the impression he likes you as a friend - and maybe is not accepting that he may also have romantic feelings for you as well, which was easy to push away in his mind until you told him you like boys. Or that was just some awkward way of him to show he likes you as a friend, and is now realizing he may have sent the wrong message.

    How to deal with it? No 100% fool proof answer, especially because we don't really know what is going on in his mind. But I'd say try to remember a time when you were still discovering yourself, how confusing and scary it could be, and realize that may be where he is right now. Give him the time and space he needs to work through whatever he needs to work through. Realize you've been thinking about how you feel about him for a long time, but he's just finding out when you tell him. Try to show a way you're supportive and are not angry at him for the way your friendship went, and that you will be there if he ever feels more comfortable with the whole situation.

    Of course the tricky part is - did you want to continue being friends with him, or were you hoping for something more - because it's one thing to say "I want to tell you I'm gay and I hope this doesn't change anything between us" and another to say "I want to tell you I'm gay and I think I'm in love with you".

    Don't reject him as a friend, but don't put all your hopes in the fact that maybe possibly he may have mutual feelings for you. Have fun, spend time with other people, make new friends, be happy. Time will tell. Oh and do post back with updates :wink:.
     
  3. Gen

    Gen
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    hmmm Yeah there isnt a 100% answer to this. Though the above poster has a good idea.

    I'll give my own words of advice though. I would take this more as a learning experience than anything, because whether he is gay or straight that probably isnt the best way to handle these situations in the future. Personally, I would say that its NEVER a good idea to directly tell someone who your are questioning(thier sexually or feeling about you), because there is a equal chance that they dont feel the same way, and it can really make the relationship awkward and downhill.

    Once you tell someone you're bi or gay, that opens alot of doors to make it apparant to then that you like them, with making it awkward. Make comments or compliments(funny not creepy lol) to him. My jokes about your attraction to him. Basically, show him you would be/are into him, not like your inlove and he is your life O_O. Know what I mean?
     
  4. bob94

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    Aww, I'm really sorry it turned out that way. I probably would've been suspicious of his sexuality, too. That really did take a lot of courage to first tell him you're gay, and then to tell him that you like him; I wish I was more like you!

    But you really do need to see it from his point-of-view. He saw you as a really close friend. He told you things he probably wouldn't have told anybody else. But that's just the problem: he saw you as a FRIEND. So it probably did freak him out a little bit knowing that he was so close to a guy that liked him for so long. He is wrong for shunning you, though.

    Awesomeyodais is right. Time will tell. Maybe you could send him a text saying something like, "I'm really sorry for freaking you out. I really thought that you might be gay, but now that I know that you're not, I don't have those kind of feelings for you. I just want to be friends again." Even if you do still have those feelings for him, I would make sure he didn't know, since that seems to be why he quit talking to you.

    I wish you the best :slight_smile: And please do keep us updated!
     
  5. Revan

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    Honestly doubt he said he thinks you're annoying, it's possible his friend thinks you're annoying cause from how you describe i honestly don't understand why after all the phone calls and such from HIM that he thinks YOU'RE the annoying one...

    I think the best thing to do here is to just be there but don't bring it up. He could wind up battling with his own feelings though like others have said, don't put your whole hope on that. All I can say is don't stop being friends with him but let him come to you.
     
  6. Philvanuirle

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    The same thing happened to me as well, but your story is split to two different boys for me. However, he is probably an emotional straight guy and maybe he is a little freaked out right now, and so on and so... just take your time, maybe talk to him in person when no one is around.
     
  7. regret

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    Thank you for your replies. I so love you all for understanding. I've tried texting him but I don't want to embarrass him. I forgot to mention this by the way. After I told him that I like him, his texts became very limited. He only replies with short phrases :frowning2:. Did I mention that he's good at keeping secrets? Anyways, after a couple o' weeks, some of his friends started teasing us. I was surprised as to why they know. It may be possible that he told them, but why would he told them about my crush on him when he knows he will only embarrass himself? My thought is that he just told his friends that I'm annoying so that I'll move away from him and I'll never bother talk to him again and in result, he'll not be teased again. I don't know, that's just my theory. I'll not keep my hopes up to him, he doesn't even talk nor text to me anymore yet it's really hard to move on. :'(