My last day with the closet door shut...I hope (advice much appreciated)

Concern #1: I'd say you should tell her to come a bit earlier than your scheduled time because you need to talk to her about something, so that you have some alone time before the other friend gets there, in which you can tell her.
(And instead of 'me and her' or 'she and i', I'd just say 'we' )

Concern #2: If you beforehand say that you need to tell her something important, you can't really back out of it and pretend that it was nothing, she'll know that there's still something important on your mind. She may be persistent in asking, which would be more of an incentive to come out.

Concern #3: Say you know that you like guys, but you're not completely sure of your sexuality label yet, and you'll let her know when you're positive whether you're gay or bisexual.

Good luck, I hope it goes well!

 

I shall answer your concerns in order!

1) That sort of thing happened to me all the time when I tried to meet specific people to come out to, or generally have important conversations with. But after I tried it, it was shockingly easy to excuse the two of us from the third person present long enough for me to say what I wanted to say. People don't usually take offense to it, especially if they figure that you know their friend better than you know them. Try not to be afraid of that sort of option! If you can. I know most people feel weird about it. If all else fails, you may have the potential of when third person goes to the bathroom, or meeting before the scheduled time as you said, etc.

2) Chickening out happens to the best of us. It's hard to receive good external motivation not to. The only way I ever developed courage was because I would always chicken out before important moments, then resent the fact that I chickened out. Eventually I began to just want to avoid that self-loathing. That said, it may be that now is not the time! There's nothing really at stake if you have to wait a little bit longer, however irritating it can be. So if the moment isn't going to happen naturally, you don't need to force it unless you want to.

3) Perhaps begin with "I'm not straight" instead? Or some such, that gets your topic of conversation across but doesn't make you choose between the two at the beginning of that conversation. Expressing your confusion might be a good gesture, and often talking about these matters can make you realize the truth! Of course, that's very specific to you and how you feel about it.

Best of luck with tomorrow, though. :icon_bigg

 

Just one comment, based on recent experience. Just about every time I told someone there was a "time limit" (i.e. someone had a meeting to attend in an hour, bar was closing in 2 hrs, etc...) and I really wish we had time to talk more, even if it's just to get that reassuring feeling that we can continue to talk about whatever and our friendship has not changed. Just something you may want to consider for other meetings. Oh that and "don't plan on getting much done after that day" that I read somewhere, and can agree with. But most of all best of luck tomorrow.

 

1. Just tell her you have something important to tell her alone and you and her could possible go somewhere after the other person leaves.

2. Best thing I can think of is tell her you have something VERY important to say about yourself (before you meet up with her so you don't chicken out while you are with her). See this sets up the conversation to where you don't really have an option to back out.

3. Just tell her you are interested in guys but you are not 100% sure of your sexuality.

Im sure everything will go smoothly. And believe me when I say you will feel sooooo much better telling someone (even if it is just one person) you will feel so relieved to get it off your chest.

 

"She and I" is correct in that sentence. You can usually figure it out by testing out how you would say it with only one person being involved. In cases like this one, you have to modify they sentence slightly.

But anyway, "she" and "I" are both the ones to use for the subject of a sentence, while "her" and "me" are the ones you use for the object. She and I do things; things are done to her and me.

Failure to teach this part of grammar is one of the reasons we are losing (have lost) the pronoun "whom" from the language.

/annoying tangential grammar lesson from a copy editor


As secretgirlX suggested, tell your friend you want to talk to her alone. This will commit you to having the conversation, and then she can help you figure out how to manage it without tipping off your other friend or being rude to her. "It's nice that you invited Amy, and all, but there was something personal I really wanted to talk to you about alone. Can you meet me ahead of time, or can we talk alone after?" (Tell her it's something personal about you so that she doesn't think you're mad at her or anything. "We need to talk" can seem kind of scary to people.) But she invited another person without discussing it with you first--she had no reason to think it would be a problem, but she'll realize she should have talked to you about it.

Coming out is about being honest and authentic--just tell your friend honestly how you are feeling about things. It's okay to tell her you aren't sure what word to use for yourself.

And awesomeyodais is right, insofar as you probably shouldn't expect to be very effective at getting other stuff done afterwards--you'll be really distracted.

I would recommend seeing if you can possibly meet for a lot longer than you planned before, as well. An hour is not really long enough, much less the time it takes to walk her to her car. Do either of you have somewhere to be, afterwards?

 

If your finding it really really hard to tell her through words or something. Just write it down on a small piece of paper...just a "I'm not straight" like someone else suggested & that should get the conversation going. Usually saying those few words is the hardest, most difficult thing..but once they're out it's easier to carry on going.

I hope this goes well for you, keep us updated!