This is actually pretty embarrassing, but, you know, I need to get it out of my head. For science!...or sanity. Whichever works for you. (It may be a little long, or a lot long). Though I consider myself a lover of people, I think I may be drawn to guys because of certain emotions and conflicts I haven't really dealt with. The only reason I came to this conclusion is because I've always been drawn to older men that took charge and were in control. This conflicts with certain aspects of my personality. And then the fact that I'm really only drawn to the ones that I see as a father figure. Now, I don't think I have any daddy issues, but I do feel like I missed something with my father (probably my fault). There may have been some abuse (certain things imply that I was), but I don't know and don't care. That's in the past. I'm concerned about now. I'm not stupid. I know that I could get myself in a bad situation with the way I am. Looking to older men for comfort and some type of guidance is not good for me. Not with the way I am. I feel more comfortable identifying as male, but I know I would reject that if I got involved with a guy who told me no. I'm already slightly involved with a guy who is well past legal. He's...10+ years my senior. And I think my affection for him is misplaced and twisted. I don't have any issues with people dating someone older, I just have issues with my situation. He is pretty forward about what he wants, he is also very in control and I'm really drawn to him because he is like a father figure to me in some ways. The real reason this is being typed is so I can get out of my head and try to understand what's going on with me. Why I'm doing this stuff. What I can do to stop myself from going too far.
Hey LimePopsicle. I can't explain why you're doing what you're doing. There is certainly nothing wrong with finding older men attractive. (Hell, we're all going to be older one day. ) However, you neglected to mention your age. I think that's pretty important when having this discussion for a number of reasons. Primarily, because when an older individual (man or woman) is having a relationship with someone who is much younger there is a power imbalance in the relationship. You seem to be smart and understand this already. You seem to understand the issues facing you. However, you said that you "think [your] affection for him is misplaced and twisted." Why is that? Again, your age will factor into this discussion. I can speak as a guy who is about to turn thirty. Obviously, I still find younger guys attractive. However, as a general guideline, I'm not going to actively look for a relationship with someone who is under twenty-five or over thirty-five. I just don't feel we'd be able to connect on the same level of maturity - would we even be in the same place in life? When you said, "he is pretty forward about what he wants" my guess is that he is mostly interested in you for sexual reasons, correct? Obviously, you're smart enough to know that this isn't something you can really build a relationship on. Let me ask you this: Are you interested in older men, or are you interested in a man who has a dominant personality? In other words, what if a younger man who was highly confident and domineering entered into your life, would you feel the same? I think there are certainly dominant and submissive personality types out there. I'm not sure if you were looking for either support or advice, but that's the best I could do with what you've given. If you're willing to give more information, and ask some specific questions, then I might be able to be of more help.
