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I am so confused

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by oneconfusedguy, Jun 25, 2012.

  1. oneconfusedguy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi everyone, please forgive me for what is most likely a thread that turns up every few hours but i am so troubled with my sexuality and it really is dominating my life at the moment, i could really use someone to talk to.

    I'm 27 years old male and a virgin, i am attracted to girls and get very aroused by them, i have fallen for girls in the past as well. But there is part of me (not all the time) that really wants to be dominated sexually by a man.

    I have had a few times where i nearly had sex with a woman, i'm quite an anxious guy and i felt quite pressured both times, i wasn't relaxed at all and was insanely nervous about not being able to perform, truth be told i wasnt attracted to either of these girls either. Thing is when it came to it i couldn't get an erection at all, i felt so ashamed and it really fucked up my self worth, both times i went through a spiral of emotions and felt next to worthless if im honest.

    I notice hot girls all the time, in fact i am insanely obvious when it comes to checking them out, i guess mainly because i'm desperate and inexperienced lol.

    I seem to go through phases of wanting another man though, for days or weeks i will be really turned on by the thought of another man having his way with me and it seems to shut out my feelings towards women a little during that time. I seem to go through this when i'm feeling particularly depressed or have a low self worth, i have the feeling that perhaps when i feel this low i become more submissive but perhaps i am just letting out what i have repressed for so long.

    My question is i don't know if i'm gay, straight, bi or what! If it was as easy as just sleeping with a women to find out then it would be no problem, the thing is i am so terrified of not being able to get hard again that i have been too scared to try. The fact that it has happened before and the fact that i might simply be gay really makes my anxiety go crazy to the point that i can't even talk to attractive women sometimes.

    At the same time im too scared to try anything with a man, most of the time after i masturbate or think about another man i feel terrible afterwards, very dirty and unhappy with myself but perhaps it's just conditioning making me think that way.

    In summary, it feels like i will be a sexless being my entire life and it's ruining my state of mind completely, i feel so deppressed, sad and stuck it's unreal and i could really use some advice or just someone to talk to.

    I have never talked to anyone about this ever so please, someone help me?
     
  2. jaydog5050

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Sacramento
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Well Im not that experienced with men either, but what i can say is this.

    1. dont feel guilty for the things that make you happy. that kind of thinking is very self destructive. Every time i ever felt attracted to another man i would get into a fight or something much more dangerous, just to prove to myself that i was ok....lol fucked up logic i know.
    2. maybe what you need is not to have sex yet with a man but you should try to find a gay friend to talk to. i suggest a lesbian first. i know that dont make mush sense but you'd be surprised how similar their experiences are.
    3. that maybe bad advice but just try things out in your head. take the rest of the day and just think in your head im bisexual, dont tell anyone or do anything different in your life but think of it as trying on new shoes. hey you dont have to wear them but at least see how they fit.
    4. yes it can be mortifying when your with someone and they push you too fast and your body just wont come out and play. I know strait guys that have the same problem. it does happen and it doesint make you any less of a man, its just you havent found your rhythm yet.