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My mom asked

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gazza123, Jun 25, 2012.

  1. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    Now I recently came out to my family and they were all completely fine with it.

    But just today when me and my parents were watching tv my mom asked "Do you wanna talk about it" and I said "No, I'm fine"

    They also said "We're your mam and dad, you can talk to us" but I continued to protest with "No I don't want to talk about it"

    Now my reasons behind this are I find it very awkward talking about being gay, why should I have to talk about, I just want things to go on as they were. By talking about, they making a big deal out of it and I don't want it to be a big deal.
     
  2. King

    King Guest

    I know what you're talking about completely. Whenever my mom mentions me being gay I always get really uncomfortable, and I just think "Why do we have to talk about this? You don't talk to my brother about being straight."
    I think your mom was just trying to open up to you, and get you to become more comfortable with it.

    King x
     
  3. J Snow

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    I haven't had to undergo exactly what you are talking about. My coming out didn't go well by any stretch of the imagination. Its been a year and a half, I'm living with my parents, and we've never talked about it since.

    However if they ever brought it up you can rest assured I would have responded much worse. I probably would have started screaming at them and then ran out of the house and cried in all honesty. Yeah... got a lot of anxiety issues when it comes to my family I guess...
     
  4. Aldrick

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    Hey Gazza123. :slight_smile:

    I just want you to know that I'm going through the same thing. I've kept things bottled up and repressed for so long, that it's hard for me to talk about them. It is an extremely awkward feeling.

    In fact, I came out to my mother around your age. Then proceeded to never mention it again until like last month. I went running and screaming back into the closet. I came out to my mother a second time, and we talked about things in more detail. She told me the reason she never brought it up was because it was clear that I didn't want to talk about it. Which... was true.

    Since then, my mom has brought it up a couple of times. Both times, I've deflected, but I am grateful that she is making the effort.

    In fact, a funny situation happened last week. I had just left the dentist - a filling had fallen out of one of my teeth, and I was getting it replaced. The dentist had numbed me up pretty good, and it was clearly obvious that something was wrong with my face when I smiled. The side of the face that she had numbed was literally drooping down.

    When I talked to my mother, I was laughing about it. I told her that I am certain that anyone who saw me must have thought I had just suffered a stroke or something. I joked about how I was going to get her to take care of me, and she laughed and told me that she'd just hire a really hot male nurse. :eek:

    Yeah, that was the first time my mother ever said anything to me like that. Hire a really hot male nurse? I laughed nervously, and then attempted to deflect. Nah, that's okay, I said. You can just stick me in Shady Pines. (NOTE TO SELF: When uncomfortable about being called on being gay, don't make a Golden Girl's reference. It doesn't throw them off the scent.)

    So yeah, even little things like that from my mother makes me uncomfortable. I'm working through it. I'm glad that she's trying, and I feel guilty that I'm not able to try more... but I'm working on it.

    It all comes down to being comfortable in our own skin. When you hide something for so long, we tell ourselves that there is something to be ashamed about. So, when other people bring it up, we feel a stabbing sense of shame - as if we actually have something to hide... but do we really? Of course not.

    It's easy to say that our parents don't ever talk to our brothers or sisters about being straight, but the reality is that they do exactly that all the time. Straight people are constantly talking about their relationships. They're talking about their marriages, their kids, who they like, who they don't like, who they find attractive and who they don't. Straight girls will swoon over some guy, and straight guys will comment on the physical attributes of women.

    They are constantly screaming, "LOOK AT ME! I'M STRAIGHT!" Why should we, simply because we are gay, live any differently? The only reason we'd seek to live differently is because we think we have something to hide, and we don't - there is no reason to hide anything.

    Plus, you also have to consider your parents love you a great deal. They want you to open up because they know you need too. They want to be part of your life, and the only way they can be part of your life is if you let them. By not talking to them, you're shutting them out. They are also likely dealing with their own coming to terms with you being gay, and are working through their own feelings. So, they need to talk about it, too.

    Here is a (*hug*) from someone going through the same thing.
     
  5. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    As awkward and hard as it is for you to talk about it, keep in mind that you mom is asking you because she is worried about you. There are news about kids committing suicide over this, news about parents not seeing the since before it happens, and news about kids wanting their parents to do more. Your mom is only trying to help you out in the way she knows how.

    Go ahead and tell her exactly why you prefer to not talk about it. Let her know that you are okay and you appreciate her efforts, but that you just aren't ready to talk about it just yet. All she wants to know is that you are okay :slight_smile:

    Keep in mind that while you have a website to go to, people to ask and years of getting used to the idea of being gay, your mom is trying to figure everything in a short amount of time and with very little support.
     
  6. Lewis

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    I understand how you may be feeling, but I think I get why your parents want to talk about it. You, I and many others have had years to think about and understand our sexuality, but our parents don't. They spend most of our childhood, planning our lives for us and having a vision of what we will be, married, children, wife, husband, but usually they never imagine their child to be gay (which I suppose they should in this day and age).

    Even though I'm a firm believer that indeed a big deal shouldn't be made out of it, I do have a soft spot for parents and think they need to develop an understanding. It's something they're going to have to adapt to also. Maybe you could refer them to some support pages or something.

    I know I've been a little vague with my opinions, but it's just something I felt when I read this. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you and your parents. :slight_smile: