Life is frustrating sometimes, eh?

First things first, you are not the reason that your mother feels awkward and disappointed about your sexuality; she is. However, her feelings about it should be your first concern; yours should. I was also in the same place as you once, and what helped me was doing research about homosexuality, which helped me realize that I was normal, despite what society says. Doing research on it might help you accept your sexuality too.

 

I agree with what Gamer I am says but would also add that your mum might need resourses for her to come to terms with it.

This is an awfull lot for a parent to take in, your child goes from being your baby, your child, a young adult and eventually a sexual being, these things you know inside you even if you don't want to face up to them. Your mum might be having difficulty accepting that not only are you no longer her baby and now have the status of young adult you are also embarking on your adult 'sex' life and it is not the one she imagined.

If you think/know your child is straight their transition from child to sexually active adult although not necessarily comfortable for a parent is what they expect... eventually. To find out that your child is homosexual forces you to think about things that you don't want to. Kids don't want to think of their parents having sex, well its roughly the same for the parents, the idea is too intimate, too private. By talking about your sexuality parents have to face things that they would rather not, not necessarily out of disapproval or disappointment but more out of acute embarassement.

Unless you find the courage to talk to your mum about how she feels, your feeling that she is disappointed or disapproving is just your interpretation of her awkward behavioir towards you, but there is perhaps another explaination.

Even if you mum were to say that she is disappointed you do need to ask her to be more precise. I am not exactly disappointed that my son is gay but it is certainly not what I would have chosen for him SOULEY because it makes his life so much harder and he will be defined by society because of his sexuality and not the person he is and that is unfair. So in a way you could say I am disappointed, but not by him, not by his sexuality but by the unfairness of the hand that destiny has dealt him.

 

That's one of the problems facing people discovering themselves as gay - there are already so many beliefs and social opinions that they've grown up with that it's difficult to accept it themselves. Initially I felt awkward thinking of myself as gay because I'd always had the image of the feminine, flamboyant in movies and on tv, which I definitely am not. Because gay people are a minority, it's not really considered "normal" by everyone else simply because it's not as common. The only thing being gay implies is that you are attracted to the same sex, and you may fall in love and have a lifelong relationship with someone of the same sex the EXACT same as a heterosexual man will have with a woman. It's not anything you can control of change, so it is definitely not your fault for being who you are.

Always remember you CAN have a family. You don't need to start thinking you'll go through life alone. You can find your life partner, and even adopt a child (which is no different from having a biological one, except you're giving a home to an abandoned child instead of creating a whole new one while others are left abandoned).

It's just a way of thinking born from modern society you've got to break free from - there's nothing different about being gay or having a family - the love can and will still be there, and you can find a life partner you truly love. Just stop thinking of it as being "different" from straight couples and realize it's not the gender that matters but the connection.

Hope that helps a little bit. =)

 

umm alex.....tell me something ummm, what does that child call his parents?? Dad & Daddy? cuz obviously Mom and & Dad would be out i guess soo....umm...:eusa_doh: errr, right. nvmd. (i am asking stupid questions again >.<:eusa_doh: :icon_redf )

 

really Arioch idk what to say. i am catholic as well and a really religous roman catholic i might add but the only thing i have learnt in church is that every man deserves to live life in freedom and only God should judge. so i personally don't judge people. i havn't told anyone in my family yet except for my cousin whom is sworn under secrecy but as it relates to ur brave courage to come out to urs.....

......just don't be intimmidated by what others think. If it is wrong, ur heart will tell u so and if it is wright; then u will find out. as someone on EC once said, love knows no gender. (wonderful words) and sweetheart if it helps, do what i do....keep a diary. it may come in handy

 

It would be great if you could get your parents or even just your mom right now to attend a PFLAG meeting. I could even send you some resources for her if you want. Just PM me with your address. I think it would be good for her to talk about her feelings with somebody who has been there.

 

Coming out - to your self as well as those around you - is a process, not an event.

It will take time for you to get comfortable with the concept. I'm hoping that now that you've found EC that process will speed up a bit. You'll start to feel comfortable interacting with other gay people, and discussing gay topics, even if it's only online.

That's what happened to me, anyway. I hope it works for you.

 

I agree with a lot of the replies (have not read all of them yet) One thing I want to say is don't let what others believe influence who you are, should, or might be. As other people are not you. Also, don't let others tell you who you should be or who you should not be. As you will be who you are meant to be and no other being.

Trust your instincts and feelings about your family members. If you feel any inkling that they will not take it well at all. Then don't tell them. Sounds like your mum may need some help in the form of something like PFLAG to know what it is like for someone.

Also, and I don't know if this is any comfort, I don't follow society. As I just don't fit it. Basically, I loathed myself because I felt ugly and I felt like I should be heterosexual at one point, because that's the majority of society. Even though I don't see it as abnormal or wrong. I just wished I was because thats the majority. And that I was not on the autism spectrum. But then I took a closer look at what society thinks a good and successful person is. Which is a heterosexual, financially wealthy, Caucasian, skinny, woman who has had no mental diagnosis of any kind. And in some cultures, a man. After that, and then knowing how society itself is wrong about things some if not half the time and knowing that thats not me. I decided to stop listening. As a result of that, I have actually started to like myself more, and as a result, accept myself more.

I tend to think of being gay/lesbian as being a wolf or werewolf. As both are sometimes treated with disdain and sometimes hostility. And I chose wolf/werewolf because of the old saying "wolf in sheep's clothing" with society being the sheep or it could be wolf in human clothing, as you can look at a person and not know they are gay/lesbian.

So in that case, I'm a proud wolf in human clothing.

 

It's truly unfortuneate that you're in the situation that you are, but I also notice that you're 17. Are you possibly headed off to college next year? This could be a very liberating experience for you. It just sounds like you need some time away so that you can come to terms with yourself first, before having to deal with your family situation. It sounds like your family is one that could easily come to terms with everything and love you for WHO YOU ARE, but you need the time to do that for yourself first. So take some time away, if at all possible. Hopefully you'll be heading out of the house soon, where you'll still have the family connection, but can be in an environment that is more condusive to the kind of personal growth you need.

 

This is like EXACTLY how my family is... You may have come out to your family (even though in part), but I don't think you have completely accepted your gayness yourself. I'm also catholic and gay, so I kinda know what it's like. My mom absolutely dislikes gays (she says she has compassion for us, but I think that she really wishes we would all fall off the earth), and my dad thinks it's a choice to be gay.
You will eventually get over your heartache about being gay. Try not to worry as much what your family thinks - it's the hardest thing in the world, but it will make you happier in the end. Please remember that your family loves you - if they didn't, then why would they care if you were gay? Your parents just don't know how to deal with what they have been taught from the church, and they probably want to get through this as much as you do. All their lives they have been taught that the "sin of homosexuality" is one of the gravest sins, and everyone who is gay will go to hell. They still love you, unconditionally. They may be angry or worried, but they will still be there for you.

Please keep us posted on how things come along

 

I think people love most of us much more than we think they do. Especially for guys, we're supposed to be strong and invulnerable and unemotional and all that crap.

Definitely talk to friends, at least the one(s) that'll understand and support you. When I get all messed up in my head, that's what I do...

 

Lol I've never actually thought about that! :lol:

I have no idea. :icon_wink I'm sure something would be worked out though, lol!

 

lol my cosuin said dad and uncle xDD